Get ready – here come the Halloweeners
For the past 5 Halloweens, Deeps and I have lived across the street from The Home (our term) – a fine, in-patient facility for people who appear to be.... let’s say a bit out of touch with reality. No one seemed dangerous or menacing. There were a lot of colorful outfits and language. Sometimes there was spitting – I was concerned for a couple of days and then I just kinda forgot about it.

The Home made our neighborhood a little different from the other posher parts of Evanston. The rents stayed lower for a lot longer, you could usually find street parking, and there weren’t tons of kids running around all the time. And no kids meant there were no trick-or-treaters on Oct. 31.

Those days are over
All that’s changed since we moved to MA. Apparently we live in what I can only think of as the Bermuda Triangle of fertility. People are inexplicably drawn here to nest and breed. And they don’t just have a small passel of children – they have lots of children simultaneously. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so many twin and triplet strollers in a place with such narrow sidewalks. They’re everywhere.

So, now that we live in kid-friendly neighborhood (without The Home to discourage them) – we will have Halloweeners this year. I thought we were okay – I’d pick up a few bags of candy from CVS. I am completely out of my league.

The people down the street have their yard tricked out (how punny!) with lights, animatronic thingeys, ghosts, goblins, witches and hundreds of electronic and real jack-o-lanterns. I have a partially illuminating porch light.

I know I need candy. I chatted with some office colleagues – one on each coast actually, and was advised I should get at least 2 bags by my friend in California. When I asked my colleague from a nearby neighborhood he advised I get at least half a metric ton of nougat and chocolate to appease the hordes that will head my way.

This may be more complicated than I thought.

Luckily, I think most of the kids will come to our house early – which is a bummer because I don’t get home before dark. Plus, my husband can look kinda menacing – okay, he can look surly... okay, he can look annoyed – at a whim, so maybe that will deter the kids.

Either way, my 2 crappy bags of no-name candy from CVS won’t cut the mustard. I will need to be more cunning to appease the sugar-driven needs of a 6-year-old.

I’m spending way too much time thinking about this, so I’ve started bothering my husband.

This is an approximation of a conversation we had tonight..

Me: “So, should we get candy?”
Deeps: “Uhm. I guess. Won’t they come too early? We probably won’t be home.”
Me: “Maybe we can team up with our neighbors.”
Deeps: “The kids are going to hit us and the neighbors.”
Me: “Right.”
Deeps: “Just get some candy. You don’t have to go overboard.”
Me: “I have to buy a lot – the kids don’t like it when you give them like one fun-size Snickers. They want a whole handful of stuff.”
Deeps: “You’re over-thinking this. They’re not going to go all ‘Night of the Living Dead’ on us.”
Me: “Won’t they? Won’t they?”

Labels: 2002