Banding the children
My friend KT has joined the auntie club, MG alerted me today. It’s the first grandchild and KT’s first niece. MG is also auntie so a solo kid (niece) and whilst we were chatting about it I started counting up the kids who call me Aunt (no one calls me Aunt – they call me Abba. Don’t laugh – it’s approximately what Alyssa sounds like when you’re a peanut who poops his pants.).

By Thanksgiving (and more importantly Christmas) I’m going to have 6 nieces and nephews (2 girls and 4 boys for those playing the home game). As we’re crossing the half-dozen mark I must now implement the banding process.

It works like this, children under 5 get gifts of X value because of a) seniority and b) the kid is not amused by a $5 bear from Target. Children under 5 get gifts of the value of Y (lesser than X) because otherwise, what will they have to look forward to? And they’ll get books because I work for a big publishing company and by God those kids will read. Plus I get 50% off books. And now that there’ll be six (and really – I know Cuddles has another couple more in her down the line) I’ve got to start figuring out how I’m going to pay for this.

I’m the cool Aunt who teaches them funny faces, how to spit, and the number of men who should be on the ice at any give time. I figure I might stand a chance of being the one who’ll take them to an exotic restaurant, instill my love of art and books, and encourage them to pursue their creative instincts.

I do it now, but sometimes I get the bad face from my sisters. Like when I bought my nephew a small drum set for Christmas. He was delighted. His parents were PO’d and I thought I was encouraging his musical talents and interests.

And I bought my niece a hockey stick because I didn’t want her to get too caught up in gender roles and stereotypes. How was I to know that she’d be thrown into the penalty box (okay – time out, whatever) for high sticking (clubbing) her classmates at daycare?

I’m learning just like everyone else.

Labels: 2004