Your dummy Valentine

Yesterday, a friend and I took a quick trip over to a local novelty card shop to search for Valentine cards for our husbands. My friend was also looking for birthday cards to mail out - because that's how she rolls (direct quote).

I looked at about 50 cards. We all did - a small group of us congregated by the huge display of cards. By the way, handling dozens of cards like that requires some quality hand washing afterwards. It is worse than buying towels.

Anyway, nobody seemed especially impressed with their choices. People eventually picked cards and faded back towards the register.

Me: I hate all these cards.
Friend: Some of them are pretty awful. This one is cute.

Me: It has kittens. Deeps isn't fond of the cat, he's never come around on kittens.
Friend: Ah. What about this one?
Me: Dogs make him nervous. He didn't grow up with pets. So animal humor is out of the question.

Friend: That rules out most of your options.
Me: I know! And what I'm left with are horrible entendres that are so obvious that I would go so far as to call then nontendres. Seriously listen to this "I like a big piece of chocolate because it is hard outside and has a creamy center."
Friend: That's the kind of thing you'd think was hilarious and sexy when you were 12.

Me: I know!
Friend: Your other option is puns. Oh God, these are really bad.
Me: Maybe I can get a sincere card.
Friend: They can be pretty earnest.
Me: Yikes. These are just so horribly sincere they come off as ironic.

Friend: What about a blank card?
Me: They have puppies, kittens or babies on them. And they're kind of creepy.
Friend: I think you're out of options.
Me: I'm walking away empty-handed.
Friend: But I suspect you've gotten a blog post out of it.
Me: Good point.

Labels: 2008, holidays, weird stuff