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Live - from the Today Show
I'm not really an avid watcher of the Today Show. It's on in the morning. I alternate between the weather guy who tells me the weather forecast every 5 minutes and Al Roker's folksy non-weather forecast. Since the weather forecast here is usually bad, I don't necessarily hang around to hear it repeated all morning.

This week the Today show has been doing a series about busy parents and how they juggle the kids and the family and the work and chores and such. (Sidebar: I cannot find any links to this series on the Today Web site which is a nightmare of poor organization and weird frames. I spent about 5 minutes looking which is about 4.5 minutes longer than you should ever have to hunt for anything on anyone's Web site - so no link for you.)

Cameras film moms in the morning handling their kids and getting them out the door. One lady spends 3 hours in the morning trying to get dressed, feed her kids and scoot them out to school. Another spends 11-14 hours a day alone with her young twins and toddler while her husband works. In both situations, it's really utter chaos.

I believe that many moms who are watching the show probably get some good ideas about how to deal with some stressful situations. However, if you do not have children - I think the series has had the (possibly unpredicted) effect of becoming a weeklong advertisement about how you should never have kids.

And you get to see Al Roker.

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, April 28, 2004 at Wednesday, April 28, 2004 | |

Kill Bill

So last night we caved and saw Kill Bill 2. I didn't see the first one. But several people have said or written that viewing Vol. 1 before seeing Vol. 2 isn't required. And they were right.

It's a self-contained story. The opening carefully sums up what has transpired and what's coming next. I mean, the title is Kill Bill, so what do you think is going to happen?

I think Charles Taylor best addressed many of the things I had trouble with in the movie. Mr. Tarantino is very skilled at recreating a feeling - and I think there's a place for that - of old-school Hong Kong films and spaghetti westerns. But he doesn't really comment on it or make it feel different or new. I could get the same effect at the video store. It's part of the same problem I had with Far from Heaven. That film was easily a Douglas Sirk film. It could have been made by Sirk and there was such reverence paid by Todd Haynes to re-create the feeling of a Sirk film, he didn't add anything new to it.

Were the performances good - yes. Daryl Hannah was really impressive. She was genuinely menacing. And Uma Thurman was also good. I've never been a big fan of either blonde, but they make their substantial roles even more weighty. But not all the performances are good. Much has been made about David Carradine's "come-back" role. I found him to be exceedingly wooden and stiff. And he made a few speeches that felt very unnatural, even within the stilted context that the film creates. (You can't make a good spaghetti western or Hong Kong flick with out being a bit stilted.)

That doesn't make the film bad in any way (either Kill Bill 2 or Far from Heaven). On the one hand it opens a viewer up to an experience she may not have had in the past - especially if she is unfamiliar with the films of Hong Kong, Sergio Leone or even Douglas Sirk. But if you are a fan, then you'll find it is a slick imitation that offers nothing more than fleeting favor - it tickles the tastebuds but leaves you longing for something more substantial.

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By: Alyssa | Saturday, April 24, 2004 at Saturday, April 24, 2004 | |

I'm Rick James
I think that there's a lot of crap on TV. Most people would not disagree. It's exactly a breakthrough statement. And I'm not the first person (or even the 101st) to suggest that the Chappelle Show is really smart and funny and some of the best stuff on TV right now. And Season 1 is out on DVD if you missed it.

Comedy Central is set to do a third season but Dave Chappelle is allegedly playing hardball for cash. Good for him - he writes, produces and performs in every skit. And his Rick James bits are worth their weight in gold and the stuff he did in a recent episode with Wayne Brady transcends brilliant. Seriously. And it's mean funny which is my favorite kind of funny.

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, April 22, 2004 at Thursday, April 22, 2004 | |

Adventures in Marriage #14

My husband and I drove home yesterday, we had a lovely drive through the mountains back to Boston (avoiding the marathon runners). Deeps decided to share with me what the masseuse told him (we had the same guy at different times during the weekend).

Deeps: Did he say anything to you?
Me: About what?
Deeps: Well, he commented that I must be a runner or something.
Me: (chuckles) He told me I was really tight. From the gym....
Deeps: See I move around
Me: Yeah, I see that. Runner huh? Well. He was blind afterall.

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By: Alyssa | Tuesday, April 20, 2004 at Tuesday, April 20, 2004 | |

Spa-tastic

The treatments were amazing. The weather was fantastic. Even the food was good.

And despite my close run-in with a bear during my massage, with my blind masseuse... things went well. Until I went to bed. What a lumpy mattress. I think I undid all of the good work in a few hours.

Oh - you wanted to hear more about the bear.

It's a simple story really. There was a small black bear outside of the Inn. He was fishing for something in the dumpsters (nature's new buffet) and Animal Control was on the scene. I was inside the Inn getting a facial, wrapped snuggly in terry cloth towels and some kind of hot blanket thing when I heard all of the commotion.

The facial lady went out to shush everyone outside (they were encroaching on my relaxation) and people were very excited to see the bear. They were so excited that they had left the doors to the spa open (granted, many feet away from the bear... but still) and for a few minutes I was alone, with my thoughts, wrapped up like giant girl burrito.

Bear food.

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By: Alyssa | Monday, April 19, 2004 at Monday, April 19, 2004 | |

The final countdown
You know those weeks at the office when every possible thing that could go wrong does? Well, I'm not having that week - but I'm having the cousin of that week. Anyway, on Saturday it all changes. Deeps and I are going away for our annual spa pilgrimage. Okay, it's the second annual - but we're building okay? Three days of rest, relaxation, art, good food and spa treatments galore! For everyone!

Others acknowledge the greatness of spa treatments - watch the Queer Eye? It might have you curious. I'll just say this, the greatest thing you can do for yourself and your face is a facial. It's cleansing and relaxing and fantastic. It's true that you'll have to get naked for it, I'm sorry that's just how it is. They give you a light back, shoulder and arm massage. And your face is so clean it's shining - seriously glowing.

So if you can scrounge together a few dollars to get one, I assure you that you will be pleased you did so. I realize it's not viable for everyone. But if you're lucky enough to have the time and the money (it's probably not as expensive as you think - shop around) you should do it. Seriously. Do it.

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, April 15, 2004 at Thursday, April 15, 2004 | |

Ad a loss
I don't do lots of sneaky ad analysis. I don't have the Tivo yet so I usually have to watch them (although I'm a regular taper so I'll fast forward through them). I don't pay a lot of attention.

But lately I've seen a few disturbing trends - commercials that are so weird I'm not sure why they were made. And they make me actively not want to buy the product.

Exhibit A: Bob Dylan and the undies lady.
Much has been written about Bob and his new ad for Victoria's Secret with much better analysis. I'll keep my thoughts short - I don't get it. I think it's good for Dylan, but not sure what Victoria's Secret gets out of it. Are they marketing to a specific audience (old guys with hot young girlfriends?) or are they trying to garner cachet from Dylan? I have read that the head of Victoria's Secret proposed the idea and Dylan agreed. As Slate pointed out, just because you can get Dylan doesn't mean that you should.

My husband suggested they're trying to get old guys into the stores. I suggested that they've been trying to keep the old guys who lurk out of the stores for years.

Exhibit B: Chickens and Burger King and the creepiest commercial on the air.
First, BK isn’t exactly new to the creepy commercial phenomenon. I mean there’s the one where the guy is sniffing someone else’s lunch garbage (an empty BK sandwich wrapper). But they’ve really just upped the ante.

I first saw the commercial last week (the only time I've seen it) while watching the Daily Show. I watched the ad where a giant chicken (man in a chicken costume) walks around and the ever present "Have it your way" slogan came up. I don't know, but there was something about the commercial that struck me as... creepy. Like implying some kind of weird relationship with a chicken that doesn't involve eating it on a bun with mayo if you get my drift.

My husband, also watching at the time was equally creeped out and read the same thing. Perhaps it was the hour, perhaps it was our tired response - but apparently we were not alone in reading this the wrong way.

Burger King has launched an online companion site to the ad where you can make the chicken ... do things. Creepy.

I'm going on record as saying I can't eat at the BK anymore. It's really freaky. I mean, America has learned about the wayward behavior of those who would love those in giant animal costumes from episodes of CSI. And we all know how that ended for the dude in the Raccoon suit. Why should the chicken fare any better?

I think the biggest misstep is that BK associates a time-tested and well established, branded slogan "Have it your way" with … uhm.... chicken loving.

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, April 14, 2004 at Wednesday, April 14, 2004 | |

A little tip from me to you

I'm not so creative today, so here's my tip. Baking soda - it's not just for absorbing odor in the fridge. You know your ratty coffee mugs that have those lingering coffee stains, no matter how much you watch them? Throw some baking soda on a dry cloth and wipe the inside. The baking soda is very mild (but just abrasive enough) to get rid of the stains.

Works on all your plates or mugs or ceramic that's stained and discolored. Whoo hooo - go forth and clean.

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By: Alyssa | Sunday, April 11, 2004 at Sunday, April 11, 2004 | |

A ninja walks down the street....
I was walking around Boston, searching for food primarily. You know those days when you're really hungry and you don't have any idea what you'd like to eat? I was in that place.

So I start trotting towards the Boston Park Plaza and I spot a kid out of the corner of my eye. He looks a bit out of place around all these suits and such - but there are plenty of tourists that wander by here on the way to the Public Garden. Then I cross the street and walk past a guy carrying a giant sword.

I'm alarmed at first - there's a guy just dressed in jeans and a sweater carrying a huge samurai sword. I'm slightly concerned but his friends with him seem to think this is okay and he's carrying the sword with the blade down and seems to be taking great care. Plus it's in some kind of case - scabbard thingy. So, my city apathy kicks in and I continue walking. I turn the corner to head to a pub for some fish when I run into - ninja people. And a life-size hedgehog. Home made costumes.

"Hey," I say to the ninja people with the hedgehog as a robot guy joins them.

"Hey," one responds. I see the familiar badge of a convention flash in the sun.

All is made clear.

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By: Alyssa | Saturday, April 10, 2004 at Saturday, April 10, 2004 | |

Your pants called me
You know that cell phone you keep in your pocket – your front, right pants pocket? Yeah – sometimes it calls me. You don’t know it, but it dials my number. It’s nice to know that I’m at the top of the programmed memory list. But that’s to be expected – my initials are A and B.

So anyway, your pants call me about once a month. Sometimes more. I think it’s cute but I have to say your pants have bad timing. Usually they call in the wee hours of a Sunday morning when you’re out partying like a rock star and I’m sleeping. Time zones, time differences, etc – that means I’m sleeping and you’re just getting started.

I don’t always know that your pants called. At least not right away – sometimes I answer the phone and get the long weird background noise.

Me: Hello.
Pants:…..(hollow sounds)……(static)…..(sound of fabric moving around)….(ambient bar sounds)…. Laughing…..(your voice, in the distance talking to someone else)
Me: HELLO! CAN YOU HEAR ME? HELLO?
Deeps: Who’s calling?
Me:(hanging up) just (your name here)’s pants

Sometimes I find the "voicemail" (really pantsmail) message a few days later.

The funny part – the "your name here" part – is that this phenomenon is not isolated to one or even two people. This happens with like five different people I know. Their pants or purses call me. It's more prevalent in my life than getting drunk-dialed.

But now the pants calling has gotten more complex. A few days ago I got a call. The phone rings, I see a familiar number.

Me: Hello
Phone: (tiny voice) Hi! (giggle)
Me: Hello?
Phone:…. Ma…..ma…..ma…… (raspberry sound)….(sounds of keys being pushed)…. (Background sound of someone talking)
Me: HELLO!
Phone: (in the far background) What are you doing? Give mommy the phone. That’s not your toy.
CLICK

Your baby called.

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, April 07, 2004 at Wednesday, April 07, 2004 | |

Hell Boy
I was hoping it would be better. It wasn't bad. The direction was nice, the effects were decent. But it reminded me of .... I'm not sure. It was kind of hollow.

Maybe it was the day or the baking soda stains on my pants or the disappointment that my oven is not clean enough. I just wanted more - more character development, more backstory, more stuff.

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By: Alyssa | Sunday, April 04, 2004 at Sunday, April 04, 2004 | |

I've been cleaning
Seriously - cleaning. Well, not really. Just my oven. I've been cleaning my oven for 2 days. Now I'm awaiting a delivery of ammonia which I've been assured by The Queen of Clean will do wonders for my ability to clean my oven.

I like cleaning operations where instructions are like "Do this and leave it for 24 hours" - that's easy for me because see how I'm cleaning but I'm also at the movies? Yes. It's the best kind of cleaning.

I've never cleaned an oven before. I cook a lot but don't really use the oven. From the looks of the oven, it appears that whomever used the oven before we moved in was a big oven user. And never cleaned out said oven.

So here I am, confronting my oven armed with baking soda, some vinyl gloves and some white vinegar. Apparently the ammonia is the key. We'll see.

I don't know why I'm cleaning the oven. It feels like a Spring Cleaning thing to do, but the problem is that it's not Spring. I mean, officially it is - the calendar says so. But I can't put away my snow shovels or turn off the heat or even put away my heaviest coat. I guess I thought if I Spring Cleaned there'd be Spring. Instead, there's fog and the threat of more snow.


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By: Alyssa | Saturday, April 03, 2004 at Saturday, April 03, 2004 | |

Channel 101

Not to be confused with Chanel No. 5 - Channel 101 is a the best way to see subversive, weird and entertaining TV shows without owning a TV.

You'll probably never see these shows on the air - they exist in a world where guys with a little time and some skills throw together something really weird, entertaining and often disturbing for your viewing pleasure. Deeps likes Channel101 because you can often see the most efficient television episodes created. They clock in under 5 minutes. A season is just half an hour.

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, April 01, 2004 at Thursday, April 01, 2004 | |

 
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