An Open Letter to Christmas
Dear Christmas:
Hey there, Christmas – what is up? I am fine. How are you?
I wanted to let you know that you cannot beat me. Thanks to the Interweb I did all of my Christmas shopping in like 2 hours. Yep. I’m on fire. An unstoppable gift-giving machine.
bff
Alyssa
A response from Christmas
Dear Alyssa:
Hey there Alyssa, whazzup wit you? I’m rockin’! LOL.
BTW, just wanted to let you know that there are still like 25 days left until you have to actually travel for Christmas. Let’s not forget what that’s like. I mean you’re traveling with gifts and all your girl stuff – plus your husband. I don’t think it’s a good idea to taunt me now.
M’kay?
X
A response from Alyssa
My dearest Christmas,
This morning I discovered a couple of emails saying that a few of my awesome online purchases were rejected because of a “problem” with my credit card. This seems odd to me as I just paid off said card last month and there’s a lot of room to make holiday purchases.
Did you have anything to do with this? If so – please give my credit card its sassy mojo back. I really need to buy some new sheets.
So sorry if you thought my previous message was serious. I was TOTALLY joking!
bff
Alyssa
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, November 30, 2004 at Tuesday, November 30, 2004 | |
Chapel at Mt.Auburn Cemetary - Thanksgiving Day
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, November 30, 2004 | |
Little Sarah - Mt. Auburn Cemetary, Thanksgiving Day
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, November 30, 2004 | |
Mt. Auburn Cemetary - Thanksgiving Day
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, November 30, 2004 | |
Tales of Turkey
The menu for the next few days:
Turkey sandwiches
Turkey casserole
Turkey soup
Turkey taco pie
Turkey cakes
I had no idea a 10 pound bird had so much freaking meat!
Slim and I dismembered the carcass after dinner on Thursday – Slim is really good at this part. It was very CSI.
Me: What do you think is the cause of death?
Slim: It’s hard to say – I think the lack of internal organs played a role.
Me: Right – along with the missing head.
Slim: And I can’t rule out the role that being in a 350-degree oven for several hours played.
We are hilarious.
To ourselves.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Sunday, November 28, 2004 at Sunday, November 28, 2004 | |
Things to do in Boston with your parents
I’ve just dropped the parents off at the airport. They’re winging their way back to Indiana as I type.
We had a good visit – I think they had a good time, I fed them pretty well, and my turkey meatloaf –cakes were a big hit! Who knew that meatloaf in the shape of cupcakes would be so beloved by all?
We played poker, hit a giant cemetery (that’s what we do for fun), watched some DVDs – including Old School which my dad told me was an “excellent film” (I have to agree), and we drove down to the ocean and walked along the beach collecting seashells for like five minutes before we decided it was too cold and headed for a shopping mall like the rest of America.
I even put up a tree this year. It’s not as sad as Rags, our tree from two years ago. I bought these little tiny trees that go on top of tables or something. It’s like Christmas-lite, which works for me since I’m not big on too many decorations. Plus decorating the tiny trees was like an arts-and-crafts activity we did while my we lured my Dad into the first season of Arrested Development.
And we built a fire! And we opened the flu and guess what – we still filled the apartment with smoke while my Dad took a nap. Slim and I had flashlights and broomsticks trying to figure out if there was an obstruction. Everything was clear – smoke was going up the chimney – but a good deal was flooding out into the living room. So the house now smells like a bad campfire.
We determined that the fireplace is crappy (like the rest of the apartment) and we abandoned our effort once I started loudly complaining about the smell and the smoke in my eyes. Yes, I’m a big baby. Whatever.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Saturday, November 27, 2004 at Saturday, November 27, 2004 | |
Magical turkey
I popped the turkey in the oven and covered the breast in aluminum foil and we went to the Mt. Auburn Cemetary for a walk. Seriously - how can you ever not buy a pre-cooked turkey? It's like instant dinner.
Yum.
Also - we're seriously considering "door busting" tomorrow at 7 AM - which is an hour later that suggested by both Target and Kohl's. Usually I bag out on this event, but I need some new pillows, dammit.
Will offer full reports from said busting and will also upload many nice cemetary photos - because this what we do on the holidays. We take nice long walks through beautiful cemetaries.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Thursday, November 25, 2004 at Thursday, November 25, 2004 | |
Oh the hilarity
Part 1 – Wherein I let the cat of the bag
So I get an email from Cuddles this morning. She’s figured out that
I’ve broadcast the news of her pending spawn to the world (or at least the Interweb readers who visit my site).
Her email is short and sweet – basically, she had not been able to tell everyone about the pregnancy (it’s that new people!) and that her in-laws found out about it from the blog.
Whoops!
Now, full disclosure here – of all the pregnancies, I have usually found out about them much later than anyone else (I think it’s due to the fact that I’m usually geographically separate from the rest of the family. I get told after my sister(s) are like 10-12 weeks along. So it didn’t even occur to me that anyone wouldn’t know. I finally got in on one early! Sweet!
Additional disclosure – I’d like to offer up as evidence to the fact I’m the last to know, the following conversations:
Slim: I think it will be like when I had my gallbladder out – it’s not that invasive and I get out the next day.
Me: You had your gallbladder out? When?
Slim: Oh, like two years ago. You didn’t know?
Me: NO! Nobody tells me anything.
And even better… this one is kinda famous.
My sister Bangles was pregnant while I was finishing up my senior year of college. She was due in June – after my graduation, before I moved to Chicago. I called home around the 4th of July (about 3 weeks past her due date).
Me: Hey so – shouldn’t Bangles have had her baby by now?
Parents: Uhm….(silence)… I thought we called you.
Me: Seriously – this has got to stop.
So there you have it. I’m not totally responsible for letting the cat out of the bag. Just the same, I’ve kinda confirmed that no one is horribly mad at me and I did end up helping Cuddles out.
She said that she and BIL were trying to think of a unique way to tell the family.
Done and done.
Part 2: Wherein I go to GNC because I love Slim
Slim and Pops are coming for a visit in a few days – for the big Thanksgiving. Slim is on a special diet that requires she drink these protein thingeys once a day. No big – but I had to get them at GNC so that she didn’t have to haul them on the plane from Indiana. (She is bringing her own oatmeal, so I thought I would offer up something.)
She told me the name and that I could get it at GNC. Fine – I went. I have never been inside of a GNC before and if all goes well, I’ll never have to go back again. In the name of all things holy – what is wrong with the people in there?
I dragged Deeps along, he’s a witness. I think GNC’s target audience is weenie teenage boys who are looking for a) hot bods to get girls b) some weird sex enhancers c) something more disturbing I prefer not to think about.
This was an actual conversation I overheard:
Teen boy 1: But it’ll like you know – make me feel good, right?
Middle-aged woman clerk: Uh – well, I’m not sure what you mean.
Teen boy 2: He wants to know what it does to his sex drive?
Teen boy 3: Yeah does it just make you warm and fuzzy or does it really turn you on?
Middle-aged woman clerk: I think it just really makes you feel good – it’s about the beta….
She trailed off and looked at me as I stared back in abject horror. There was no disguising it.
Middle-aged woman clerk: Can I get with you guys in a minute? I want to check out this customer.
She motioned to me to pay.
I paid and ran as fast as I could away from the GNC of the Damned.
Part 3 Wherein Slim and I have a good laugh
I called home to find out when the ‘rents are arriving. They are coming on Wednesday for Thanksgiving.
Slim answered the phone and hunted down the details – not before she laughed and laughed about the pregnancy revelation (see part 1) and my guilt/freak-out before getting the all-clear from Cuddles.
Anyway, she pulled up the information.
Slim: We come in around 8:30 on Wednesday night.
Me: Really? Because I thought the thing you sent me last month said you leave in the morning.
(there's a long pause - she's reading)
Slim: No, we fly out around 6:15 on Wednesday evening.
Me: Okay, I must have been confused. I thought you were landing in the morning. Well – whatever. Who are you flying on…?
She gasps.
Slim: Oh NO! NO! NO! I can’t believe it! NO!
Me: What’s wrong? Is everything okay?
She starts to laugh really hard.
Slim: I misread the times – I thought it said PM but it says AM!
Now I laugh – really, really, really hard. Snorting hard. Hilarious.
Slim: Oh my God! Your dad is going to be mad! He is going to have to take off of school! And I have to take the day off! And – we’ll just take a taxi from the airport and go to a restaurant or something…
Me: We already took the day off like…weeks ago, when you first sent your itinerary. I just couldn’t get into my email to confirm. So, we’ll pick you up.
Slim: Oh my god! Six o’clock on the morning!
(Hysterical laughter followed by a loud door slam) Uh oh – here he comes. I’ll have to break the news to him. I’ll call you later.
*click*Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, November 23, 2004 at Tuesday, November 23, 2004 | |
Melee
I’m not sure what bothers me more – the horrifying assaults or the reaction to the consequences.
As a good Hoosier, I have loved the
Pacers for many years. Sure, I don’t really follow basketball anymore – but there were several years when I followed them closely, hoping for a basketball miracle. If you have spent any time in Indiana you’d see that it’s a state that loves basketball. There are hoops everywhere. It’s bigger than football. We are devoted – from Junior Varsity right up to the Pros.
Which is why I find what happened Friday (and what’s happening today) so very disturbing.
So there was a
big fight between Pacers’ players, Pistons’ players and fans attending the game. It looked very, very bad.
Yesterday the commissioner of the NBA handed down heavy suspensions for the players involved. The consequences may have effectively decimated the hopes of the Pacers’ for a championship (it’s early in the season, so it’s hard to say how viable that proposition is).
Fans in
Indiana are outraged that their team was seriously penalized. I think their outrage is misplaced.
I have a hard time believing that the reporter couldn’t find anyone in Indiana who thought the suspensions were justified. But maybe he had a tight deadline. One of the best quotes from a fan comes from one Orville Henry, he says, "I think that it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. They've never suspended baseball players, football players or hockey players for the whole season. This is just terrible. It practically puts our team out of business."
I think fans were way out of line in attacking players and running out onto the court. Security was clearly lacking if fans were able to get so close as to throw food or drinks or fists. That said, your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins. It’s just as wrong that players attacked the very people who make them a) valuable sports commodities and b) famous entertainers.
It’s all a show and
you don’t assault fans. It’s like a rule you learn as a kid – don’t feed the animals, don’t poke the angry dog, don’t play with fire, don’t throw things at the players, don’t assault the fans.
How hard is it?
This year has been rough for players and fans. The San Francisco Chronicle has an
alarming timeline of assaults in sports. Sure, they’re like plane crashes – they don’t happen often but they are heavily covered and publicized. But there seems to be an attitude – and a pattern – that this kind of thing is okay and to be expected.
Really?
I’m not sure why this happens. Maybe it’s the beer. Maybe it’s the fact that buying a couple of tickets and some hot dogs at a game could set you back close to a $100 and people feel entitled. Maybe the security is bad. Maybe we’ve turned into ugly Americans and hooligans.
Or maybe we’ve lost all sense of sportsmanship. Last week people were up in arms because of a
semi-racy skit at the opening of Monday Night Football. There’s no shortage of outrage over this – but I think it’s woefully misplaced. After all, won’t someone think of the children?
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Monday, November 22, 2004 at Monday, November 22, 2004 | |
Guess who’s pregnant?
Not me –
settle down.
That was the question I was posed this morning when I called home to find out a few specifics about food for my parents. They’re arriving in 3 days for Thanksgiving and I was doing some pre-holiday grocery shopping.
“What kind of oatmeal do you like?” I asked my step-mother, Slim. “Do you want plain or flavors?”
“Plain – actually, don’t worry about it. Guess who’s pregnant again?” she gushed excitedly.
I’m not one to drop an F-bomb in the middle of the cereal aisle… but bombs away.
“Is it Cuddles? You’re kidding! I just talked to her!” I replied. Cuddles is a champ actress when she’s keeping mum on the preggers situation.
“Yep, she’s just started telling people,” Slim replied. “You know twins run in the family for us too!” She was excited.
So the six-pack (now +1) will only hold for one Christmas. And in keeping with the pace Cuddles is at, we could have new babies every Christmas for a few more years. You know, because the older kids start getting all squirmy when you try to hold them and kiss on ‘em after a while.
They can be uncooperative.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Sunday, November 21, 2004 at Sunday, November 21, 2004 | |
Holiday Shopping
I’m not quite ready to bust out my holiday shopping yet. But I did hit the big Macy’s sale a few days ago. I was on the hunt for a couple of sweaters.
I was not alone.
The big Macy’s sale (50% off of everything – unless it’s not on sale or something…. you might want to ask or use that price check thingey) brings out the blue hairs in force.
I saw a woman wearing a full-length fur coat (beaver I think), fire red lipstick (applied a la Baby Jane) and a jaunty hat (probably purchased in 1949). She really wanted a Macy’s shopping bag because something she was carrying was heavy (possibly her head).
“Darling could you give me a shopping bag, please, honey? I’m just carrying too much today,” she loudly shouted at the Haitian woman ringing up the woman in line in front of me.
The woman handed Baby Jane a bag and was promptly showered with accolades and hosannas.
“Oh thank you dear, you’re very, very good. You take excellent care of your customers. I’ll tell your manager. And I’ll be back tomorrow to make some purchases from you. You are very good,” Baby Jane yelled and gushed at the woman.
The lady behind the counter laughed to herself and went back to ringing up the old lady in front of me. She wanted price checks on everything.
“How much?” she demanded – holding a blouse. (Sidebar: Why is hideous the new black this season? Anyone?)
“That’s $13,” the woman replied after scanning it.
“That’s too much!” the old lady replied.
This went on for a while – as the old lady wanted several items checked. They were all “too much!”
I finally got to the front of the line to pay, our exchange was uneventful – although I saved many dollars (no sweaters but three blouses – hurrah). As I left I heard another old lady (apparently I was shopping in the old lady department) unleash on the woman behind the counter.
Now I know whatever happened to Baby Jane.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, November 21, 2004 | |
In the name of science - my Seasonale reportI now give you the girly, Seasonale science report.
Disclaimer: If you’re a dude or squeamish about birth control – click away now! Here, go visit someone else nice like
DaddyTypes. He’s doing some lovely writing about well-designed baby furniture (among other things - like good places to change diapers in public).
Also – I’m not a doctor or anything. I’m just sharing what happened when I started taking it because like 15,000 women asked me to tell them what happened.
Still here?
Okay. I started on Seasonale a little over three months ago. I chose to write about my experiences now because a) any woman I told got excited about the idea of it and b) because everyone was like – tell me what happens!
The pitch:
Seasonale does in an easy way what doctors have been doing for women with chronic menstrual problems (painful menstrual cycles, ovarian problems, etc) for years. It’s a form of birth control that also
reduces your cycles from once a month to once every three months.
Why would you want to drop your monthly cycle to a quarterly cycle? Well for me – I call it “the curse” for a reason. I like not having to deal with it, not having the crankies, and generally prefer living my life without having to think about the pending curse. Is it coming? Is it going? Is it here yet?
The Pros: Just four periods a year; periods are like your other BC-regulated periods (short and relatively light); less PMS – see only 4x a year; according to my doctor it’s as safe as other BC, it’s just less periods; less trips to the pharmacy because you have to get 3 months at a time
Cons: Cost – until very recently my Seasonale was not covered by insurance so I had to shell out $150 cash for my 3 month supply; Still new and no one I knew was taking it, so I had no guinea pigs to bother about it (hence my blog entry); breakthrough bleeding – I had a lot more spotting during this pill than I ever had with any other pill I’ve taken (primarily Ortho-tricyclen); the stupid packaging – they could work on this to make it a bit less bulky and include labels for days of the week (as alternatives of S-Sa, because not all of us start on Sunday)
What happened to me:Month 1: Nothing – just like normal and I was pleasantly surprised when the end of the first pack (you get three packs, stacked up) and had no PMS symptoms. I sailed into Month 2.
Month 2: More good stuff – still nothing happened. Again, I sailed right into Month 3.
Month 3: The good times ended for a week while I had light spotting every day (usually in the morning – dissipating by the afternoon). After that first week – which my doctor did warn me (as does Seasonale literature) about as a side effect during the first 3-6 months of taking the drug- I had no problems and returned to my normal, happy period-free lifestyle. When the curse did arrive (seriously – you get that I refer to it as the “curse” in jest – I’m all ironic and stuff) it was like any other period I’ve had while on the pill. It was light, lasted a bit less than 4 days and then it was gone.
Anything else?I’m not sure if I’m totally happy being off of Ortho-tricyclen. One of the side benefits of that pill is that you have pretty clear skin. When I switched to Seasonale I think I gave that up. I have noticed a few more breakouts than I normally have. However, that might be because I’ve also switched moisturizer (FYI – I’m 30 in like 2 weeks, so I don’t usually have acne issues anymore). Anyway, it’s something I’ve noticed over the past 3 or 4 weeks – I’ll have to do more investigating. It’s probably not enough to make me switch back.
And good news – I have JUST learned that my insurance company will cover Seasonale now so when I get another pack (sometime in January) I will only have to pay the co-pay on a 3 month supply (which for me is about $60). Plus I’ve added the cost of the prescription (co-pays) to my medical flexible spending account allotment for the year and I’ll be able to reimburse myself for the cost of the drug.
The verdict:Everyone is much happier – I’m less moody at the end of every month, whereas now I’m hormonally-induced moody only once a quarter. The cost has come down enough that it’s more affordable for me to continue to take Seasonale. I have not suffered any side effects that I can’t deal with (light spotting for 1 week) and I’m not sure about the light break-out thing. I think it’s the moisturizer. I switched to something with retinol (I’m 30!) and that might be the problem. I hate the stupid bulky packs, but it’s better than hauling around tampons all the time. I’m sticking with Seasonale until we go crazy and decide to try to have a baby (which isn’t happening for a while – thanks for asking, Cuddles).
Updated Dec. 21, 2004: I'm still happy with the results and my skin seems to have stabilized. I'm having much fewer breakouts. I gathered a bit more anecdotal evidence to indicate that the change in hormones (from the Seasonale) probably resulted in some breakouts/skin irritations.
I'm almost through my fifth month and have seen an improvement in my skin - at least, I've seen fewer breakouts. If this trend continues, I'm going to keep up with Seasonale. I think my body has adjusted enough - hopefully - to the new dosage that I don't experience any side effects. I'm also curious to see how month 6 goes as I experienced a lot of spotting (for about 2 weeks) during month three of my last 3 month pack.
I've seen a fair amount of traffic to this entry, as I expect people are curious about how the drug works and what, if any, side effects manifest. I'll do what I can to update through the next 3 month pack and provide whatever anecdotal information I experience.
Updated Feb. 20, 2005: I'm still sticking with my decision. I've been through two full cycles and the skin breakouts have gone away. I wish I'd known about this
homemade recipe (which is apparently
quite effective) much earlier - it would have made the transition easier.
The only thing that still lingers is the month three spotting (when you get to the last month of the pack). At the start of the third pack I spot lightly for about 4 days then it goes away. When I get my period at the end of the pack it is very, very light (but heavier than the spotting) and only lasts about 3 days. So far, I'm pleased and have suffered no weird side effects or had any health-related issues in taking Seasonale.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Saturday, November 20, 2004 at Saturday, November 20, 2004 | |
Talking Turkey
America – we need to talk.
It’s that time of year again; we drag out the big roasting pans and scrounge for anything that might possibly resemble a gravy boat.
I know I’ll spend at least 20 minutes this weekend searching for mine.
Some people really go all out – whole hog (or turkey) if you will – for Thanksgiving.
They make gigantic birds; they make pounds and pounds of starches (Atkins be damned!), vegetables, and pies. They eat and eat and eat and eat. They eat more.
The stress over cooking such an enormous meal (even if you’re feeding a small group) is intense and the task is daunting.
With that in mind, I offer up this modest proposal – it’s time to “cheat”.
I’ll share with you my little “secret”. I order a pre-cooked turkey dinner from a local grocery store and it is excellent. For less than $50 I get a pre-cooked Butterball, mashed potatoes (just like your mom wished she could make), rolls, green beans, stuffing, squash and pie. I think I get enough food to overfeed 7 or 8 hearty eaters or 10 less hearty eaters. All I do is put a bunch of stuff in the oven at 400 degrees and set the timer.
My parents like to come visit us for Thanksgiving because we have such a low-key event plus we have no kids, so they can lounge around and relax. We go on a nice brisk walk up and around Harvard and Radcliff – then we wander home for a nap. While everyone else is having pre-meal dreams, I pre-heat the oven.
By that point my biggest challenge is just making sure I have enough serving dishes and big spoons.
I throw together a salad and defrost some peas and wait. In less than 2 hours everything is thoroughly heated, piping hot and ready for eating.
There’s no crying, there’s no pots clanged in frustration or snippy exchanges over the drippings.
I call it very civilized living.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Friday, November 19, 2004 | |
Greatest Hits
Wow – I used to get the bulk of my traffic to a couple of places….
A
Seinfeld story I wrote for the Chicago Tribune way back in 1998 and a story I wrote about the
CIA way back in 1996.
Good times.
But now…. well I am happy to present the first ever greatest hits list. Some items on this list make sense – topics I wrote about months ago that are in the news. (
Nick Lachey– I’m looking at you.) Or maybe something that’s just unique to me like pictures of a blizzard or my sweet Apartment Screener.
I present, in no particular order, the
short list:
I’m not still not a Desperate Housewife (yet)
Nick Lachey and the Golden Handcuffs
The Apartment Screener PDF – it’s not the most elegantly designed form I’ve ever made, but it still holds up pretty well when conducting an apartment search.
Blizzard in 2003
I went to France and got VAT
The Big E! (People can’t get enough of the Big E.)
And then there’s the weird stuff – someone has some Google ‘splaining to do.
Too Much SplendaLabels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Thursday, November 18, 2004 at Thursday, November 18, 2004 | |
I know the baby doesn’t read
The following is a true story.
For reals.
Deeps’ cousin recently had a baby. We decided to take down a little gift to the wee one – we spent some time picking out an assortment of excellent children’s books and a squishy toy.
For the record - books and squishy toy is our standard new baby gift because most people don’t get
books for their kids when they are that little – but
reading to babies helps them to develop their brains faster/better, to develop language skills, and generally helps them to (someday) become better readers.
This was the
actual reaction to our gift.
Deeps’ parents: Can I see the gift?
Me: Sure.
I hand them the Curious George bag with some books and a little stuffed monkey inside. It should be noted that I voted for a stuffed chicken but Deeps really liked the monkey.
Deeps’ parents: Books?
They quickly switch from English to their dialect and talk directly to Deeps. I piece together what they’re saying. Below is my rough approximation.
Deeps’ parents (not in English): Why did you buy him books?
Deeps: Because it’s good to read…
Deeps’ parents (not in English): But he can’t read! He’s just a baby!
Deeps: I know he’s a baby, Dad. But you’re supposed to read to the baby.
Deeps’ parents (still not in English): How silly to buy books for a baby. He can’t read. You should just have given them money. Why didn’t you give money like everyone else?
I swear to you that this
actually happened. The best part is that this reaction was not limited to Deeps’ parents. His aunt and uncle said the same thing.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, November 17, 2004 at Wednesday, November 17, 2004 | |
A cry in the dark
The
three-
entry arc involving my cat and some her unrequited love/hate for a leaf may be my saddest blog entry to date.
Forgive me....
Sometimes she's just so freaking loud! This is what happens when
The Daily Show is a repeat.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, November 16, 2004 at Tuesday, November 16, 2004 | |
The leaf and I - a story in three acts (and pictures)
The cat loves a damn leaf. She could care less about me - her owner, food bringer and litter box cleaner. But that leaf is her best friend and worst enemy and greatest temptation.
For the past hour all I've heard is "MEOW!MEOW!" followed by a BANG!BANG!BANG! as she tries to get through the door from the office to our front hallway. There's a leaf there and she's got to do something about it! (Above, the leaf in question)
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, November 16, 2004 | |
I cave and let the cat into the hallway (in the hopes that she will just shut up). I know my actions are futile.
The great fat hunter waits quietly for her prey to settle down, she will make her deadliest move when the leaf least suspects it.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, November 16, 2004 | |
After a few tenative minutes assessing the danger posed by the leaf the cat makes a move. What she learns is that she has a serious leaf problem and that she needs to get help. But her shame is too great, so she lives a life of quiet desperation - embracing her denial like a cold dead leaf in the night.
Behold her shame! Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, November 16, 2004 | |
Baby it's cold outside
A convergence of events – a new, drafty apartment; record high-heating costs; and the first snow of the winter – have driven us to look for a new down comforter.
We had one for a while, but it was kinda cheap and there were feathers everywhere. I think the cat would sometimes make out with it – eww.
Then we had a cheapo fiberfill one that was okay but just not so warm. Now I live with the human popsicle. He’s always cold. I tell him to put on a sweater. He does and he’s still cold. (For the record, when we visited his family this weekend everyone had their thermostat set at 75 or higher.)
I figure some of you might be buying a down comforter this winter, so I bring to you some fun facts about down comforters. Think of it as one of those PSA’s you see on TV – like The More You Know!
Fill – it’s imporant, or so say the allergy people. The highest fill you can get is 800, but I guess most cheap ones are in the 400 (or less range). The one I just ordered is a whopper at
700 – I couldn’t find an 800 for less than $500. If you’re reading this you’ve probably read my blog before and you know I’m not going to pay $500 for a freaking blanket.
Down – Apparently to qualify for a “down” listing it’s going to have at least 70% down in the filling. Looks like if you h ave allergies or an aversion to being poked with feathers you should avoid the down/feather combinations. Also, the fill plays a role in what kind of down/feather stuffing you get.
Duvet – You should probably spring for the duvet to put your comforter in. It really can protect the comforter and look how pretty it is? Plus you can wash the duvet and for the most part you can’t wash down comforters.
Weight – you can buy summer, winter and medium weight comforters. I live in New England and our new apartment is super drafty, so I’ve gone with winter (aka arctic). It may be more than I need, but I figure it’ll keep Dr. Freeze happy.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Monday, November 15, 2004 at Monday, November 15, 2004 | |
What it feels like....
Diwali was surprisingly okay. I mean, it wasn't exactly fun - but it wasn't terrible. For me, going to visit Deeps' family for Diwali reminds me of the times when I'd go home with a friend for Thanksgiving. I could never afford to fly home for Thanksgiving and Christmas (and frankly, would rather die than ask for the money for a ticket) so I usually crashed with a friend.
So here's this well-oiled machine of a family that knows each other well and laughs at their in-jokes and fights about stuff that makes no sense to you and they try to include you but it's hard because you're not one of them. Now imagine that with a foreign language you don't understand and multiply that by their total confusion at your lactose intolerance.
See what a fun time it can be?
It could have been much worse. This time there were no cracks about my weight (apparently a popular topic of discussion) or inappropriate health questions. And I'm happy to report I didn't hear any of the normal arguments about how Deeps should be more religious or just do something because his parents say so. That was a
huge improvement.
But there are still areas that could use development - like the chatting and the casual conversation. This family is just a bit socially awkward (my husband's words - so don't send me hate mail) and they're just not really up for small talk. At any given time I'm willing to converse casually about any number of topics including: sports, the stock market, real estate, the weather, movies, books, or television. That's a nice cross-section of topics that can make an evening a bit more interesting without raising anyone's ire (like when you talk about sex or politics or religion).
I tried to trot out some real-estate discussion. No one bit. I raised the topic of the weather since we had "Diwali Snow" which is unusual, even for the US. Again, no takers.
So I waited for the questions that I knew would invariably come - they ask me the same questions every time.
1. Do you like Indian food?
Answer: Yes, I have been a fan for years.
2. How is your family?
Answer: They are fine. Blah something about my Dad and my Mom and maybe one of my sisters (whoever is spawning most recently).
3. Is that too spicy?
Answer: No. I eat spicy food.
Once I have answered those three questions to their satisfaction then they ignore me until later when they ask me the same question again. I've tried but I think I'm giving up - the fact that we've reached a somewhat neutral cease-fire agreement (with less yelling in foreign languages, pouting, crying and glowering) is to me as much as I can hope for. We don't have much in common. And I used to try harder - but my husband is a bad example.
We sat apart from the group of people, women on one side and men on the other, we watched them poorly interacting. Mostly the women all stared at the new baby or would ask if anyone needed more tea. And the men played with their cell phones. The room was mostly silent.
Deeps turned to me and quietly whispered "It's a room full of people that I love but ultimately don't have anything in common with."
He's right. He's very different from the rest of the family. Like I'm different from the rest of my family - but luckily we all love TV and movies and books and I'll talk sports with my dad and we'll play cards. Because when I'm in a room with them, I realize that I love them and thankfully we have
a few things in common.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Sunday, November 14, 2004 at Sunday, November 14, 2004 | |
Nightswimming
Charles River view of Cambridge, tonight at dusk.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, November 14, 2004 | |
Autumnal Vista
This is my neighborhood about 2 weeks ago. The trees were not even at peak color - but as you can see, it's quite autumnal. All you need is a fleece jacket and some mulled cider to round out the picture. This picture becomes important later.... as you'll see (below).
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Saturday, November 13, 2004 at Saturday, November 13, 2004 | |
White Diwali
This was my street on Saturday morning. We were expecting a light dusting, instead we had about 3 inches of snow. I love autumn.
The unexpected snow also marked the Indian holiday -
Diwali (Indian New Year). Deeps' and I were driving down to Jersey to visit his family and celebrate the new year (his parents are from India). What we didn't expect was a White Diwali - and we're pretty sure there weren't many people waking up to one in Mumbai.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Saturday, November 13, 2004 | |
Going on 30
A month from today I turn 30.
I’m not freaking out about. I’m thinking a bit – reflecting. Did I get everything I wanted to do in my 20s done? Not really – I did a radical restructuring of my work and personal life several years ago which resulted in…I guess it brought me where I am today.
I am totally cool with that. I'm happy with it. I have a charmed life.
However.
Last week I had an odd conversation with a person. She is in Chicago and I am in Boston – so we don’t really encounter each other in person often. In fact, before my last trip to Chicago I had not met her in person.
When we talked last week (after my trip) she mentioned it was nice to meet me in person.
Me: Yeah, I forget sometimes that I’m just a voice on the phone for some people.
Her: Well, you just were not what I expected.
Me: Really (pauses – goes for standard joke). Did you think I would be taller?
Her: No, I thought you’d be younger.
To quote Jon Stewart: Whaaaaaaaa??/
The conversation didn’t really improve after that. In some backhanded way, later, she tried to explain that there were “a lot of young girls around” the office and that I wasn’t one. Still not exactly a ringing endorsement is it?
Well – you should know that I’m hideously disfigured and have many, many wrinkles, and shocking white hair which I wear very short, in a perm.
For the love of Pete, I don’t know where this woman went to charm school – but I’m not an old lady. I don’t think I even look my age. I think if I keep my mouth shut (hard to imagine, but work with me) I might clock in a couple of years younger. I use like 4 kinds of moisturizer every day (I know all moisturizer is roughly the same, but since I bought them all – I’m using them all until they’re gone). I have good hair that is relatively well-maintained.
Not today – but other days. It’s rather nice.
I have pretty clear, smooth skin – well not today – but usually. (I’ll write about that more later when I write my special “for ladies only” Seasonale experiment update).
I don’t get it – I’m not old. I’m not a raging hottie – but I never have been. I don’t curdle milk – but will not get a calendar deal (like most of America except this guy). I’m pretty professional with my colleagues. I don’t get it.
What’s more, I made the mistake of telling people about this weird conversation.
Now they like to call me oldie. Old! I was specifically told by Katie Couric on the Today show that 50 is the new 30!
Jerks.
...
...
But I can’t begrudge them, because if the tables were turned…I’d do the same thing.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Friday, November 12, 2004 at Friday, November 12, 2004 | |
At War
I am having a secret war with you.
You have no freaking idea.
For the record, you started it. I'd call or write or say hello - you did not respond. And not respond. And not respond. And not respond.
There's only so much rejection a girl is willing to take from a) a person who is not her mother, b) a person she's not dating/sleeping with/married to c) someone she gave birth to.
The war part is easy. I can be hostile but you never know. There are no bullets to dodge. There are barely mean looks to avoid.
But please know - it's war.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Friday, November 12, 2004 | |
Happy Birthday, Dad
This is a picture of my sister, Peeper, my Dad and me from circa 1982.
If you're a regular reader then you've cracked the case of my true hair color.
I guess I was a Brownie. Who loved France.
I remember this night vaguely. I think it was part of the big Brownie induction ceremony where we had to stare into a mirror and say some poem. I was not long for the Brownie world - I only lasted a few weeks. I think there might have been an incident with a girl in the troop. (Okay, I know there was.)
In this photo, my Dad was about the same age I am now - which is alarming to think about. He had some kids and a house and job. He was responsible and adult.
I found this Polaroid several years ago and I keep it hanging on the fridge. I like to remember my Dad like this - young and geeky and totally in love with his kids. Looking at this picture I know what comes next for him - heartaches, struggles, joys and sorrow. But he always smiles. He's always ready with a weird joke or laugh.
And despite the passing of time - all these years later, he's still a little geeky and totally young at heart. He's still totally in love with his kids - but best part is that he's now completely enamored of his grandkids.
Happy Birthday, Dad.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, November 10, 2004 at Wednesday, November 10, 2004 | |
He may have a PhD
We finally got a hold of the landlady who made an aside (I'm thinking it's snide) that if it were her house she'd wait until tomorrow to have someone come out, but since we're tenants she has to get someone out immediately to fix our heat.
But what about the babies?
I mean I'm the biggest freaking baby in the world. Ask ANYONE. Strangers will tell you.
I can't tell if she was being snide or if she's got Tourette's or if she's just old and kinda loony. I mean, I know she's old. She's so old she's nearly transparent.
Anyway, Deeps was in the basement for a while doing stuff like looking at the furnace and looking at some pipes. He sometimes speaks with incredible authority about things he knows nothing about - but I don't necessarily always know that.
I suggested that he follow some instructions that were carefully taped to the side of the furnace (and under a gross layer of grime) because they directions might be relevant. He suggested they were not.
Turns out they were - but we didn't figure that out before: Deeps and the old lady spent a lot of time in the basement, a random plumber guy called me and started asking me questions, and I realized that the two people least qualified to deal with this problem were in the basement with the furnace.
The landlady never really had to deal with this stuff either since stuff in the basement fell into her late husband's domain. And my husband is fantastic with all types of computer hardware and complicated VCR programming but is not allowed to hammer. The landlady took it upon herself to let me know this.
"He may have a PhD but....your husband...." she sort of fumbled. "He doesn't really know anything about furnaces."
It's totally true but I'm not sure I needed to hear that from the world's oldest living Confederate widow.
So the heat is back. The cat, in the excitement, decided she couldn't take it anymore and threw up all over some bank statements that had been carefully piled on the floor by my husband. He started yelling "Poopus! No!"
I laughed so hard I started to see those stars you see before you pass out and I pulled a muscle in my side.
Good times. You've got to remember to laugh.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Wednesday, November 10, 2004 | |
It's getting.... in herre.....
It was cold this morning when I woke up. But it's usually cold when I wake up. It was just a little extra cold this morning. The temp was hovering around 60, but we figured it was because the heat comes on late in the morning.
No big right? Please - if you're reading this far, you know better.
Where's the freaking heat now? Gone I tell ya. I came home from work and the house was still like 60. Heat never happened. Then I turned up the thermostat - 72, 74, and 80. Nothing. There's no sound, no heat, nothing.
So we're calling the landlord every few minutes, checking the furnace, huddling together for warmth and planning for the next ice age.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, November 09, 2004 at Tuesday, November 09, 2004 | |
The Birthday Boy
Macaroni marks his first birthday by doing a face palant into what looks like a gourmet white cake. Please note his devil-may-care half-smile. He's already a
ladies man.
I'm sad he's wearing so many clothes because you can't see the real beauty of Mac and Michelin Man - but then again leaving a kid to run around in is diapers is very.... well, it's like a holiday episode of Cops.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, November 09, 2004 | |
From here we launch our attack
My nephews (from l to r), Focus and Macaroni, and niece Peanut sit next to a couple of neighbor kids. It's all part of the birthday fun.
No, I have no idea why they're in an alley. I'm guessing it involves passing a bottle of rum and maybe some dirty magazines or something. I just thought it was hysterical. Not as hysterical as my sister
Bangles' poncho - seriously, she wore a poncho! - but very very funny. More on the poncho later.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, November 09, 2004 | |
Me and my tumors
Since I'm opening up my twisted psyche all week - I thought I'd share a bit more from the dark recess of my brain. Maybe this happens to you. You’re in the shower, you’re loofahing away (it’s important to exfoliate) and you’re checking yourself out. Women are told all the time to check themselves in the shower to make sure there are no lumps or anything.
In fact, in the showers at my gym they have these big water-proof pictures that show you how to do a self-exam. If you're not doing it, check yourself out!
Anyway, so on a few occasions I’ve had a massive freak out because I think I have a tumor. A few months ago I was loofahing my legs and ran my hand over the back of my leg; I brush up against something and had this instant panic.
Holy crap I thought – I have a lump on my leg and that’s not right.
So I checked again and it turned out that it wasn’t a tumor – it was a muscle. It wasn’t a bump but something called – the hamstring. This kind of thing has happened about 4 times over the past 18 months. Basically, since I started going to the gym on a regular basis.
I’m building up muscles that in the past had been, uhm… what do you call it –
puny. And so you know your own body and when you come across something unfamiliar – like a muscle you’re a little unsure for a second.
I did this most recently last night. I thought for sure I had like some raging lymph node or something, turns out it was just an arm muscle. I’m totally getting some guns.
Except on girls they’re not guns –they’re just arms. Still – I’m slowly getting hot arms! And for the most part muscles are not tumors, not that I’m a doctor or anything – but I did do a Google search.
This entry is brought to you by the letter
F for
freak.
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Saturday, November 06, 2004 at Saturday, November 06, 2004 | |
Adventures in Marriage #8712 - Why we are married
After I voted on Tuesday I got polled by a couple of people – including a woman from the
Gay and Lesbian Alliance. She asked my opinions about gay marriage.
I told her I didn’t think anyone should get married because weddings are horrible and complicated and make people crazy and cost too much money. But I didn’t care if anyone wanted to get married – gay, straight, whatever.
Get married – fall into the wedding trap. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I don’t think she got my sarcasm until the end.
Anyway, I’m married as you may have read about in my
various editions about the
Adventures in Marriage (namely my marriage). The adventures themselves are not so adventurous, but today’s installment goes to why – specifically – we are married to each other.
I think you’ll see pretty quickly – no one else would put up with us.
Yesterday
“I’m going to snuggle up with the cat and read my Sephora catalog,” Deeps said. “If you unload the dishwasher I may consider letting you read it.”
“Wait, it came addressed to you?” I asked.
“Yep – I’m a sophisticated man. Leave me alone, I’m reading.”
Saturday
“What do you want to do tonight?”
“I really think we should install the new thermostat,” I suggested.
“Fine, but you have to be in charge of the screwdriver.”
“Okay,” I said, “but you can’t be afraid of power tools forever.”
Friday
"Can you hammer a nail into the wall for me?" he asked.
"Of course, dear."
"I need to hang a picture," he said.
"Oooh – I’ll get my laser level."
"Sweet."
Thursday
"Do you know the name of the old men who used to sit up in the balcony and bicker on the Muppet Show?" I asked.
"Yeah –
Statler and Waldorf."
"Of course you know! That's why I married you."
Labels: 2004
By: Alyssa | Friday, November 05, 2004 at Friday, November 05, 2004 | |
I am the Abba
So
Mr. Mac’s birthday party is this weekend, he’s turning one – a fantastic age for any young man. You shove your face in the cake and get excellent gifts. Sadly, he probably won’t remember it.
Happy Birthday big fella!
He’s a happy, chubby kid – I almost suggested his mother paint him white for Halloween and take him out as the Michelin man, but I thought she might punch me. It would have been an awesome costume.
Anyway, as the
Abba* – look I know it’s a 70’s Swedish Super Group, and don’t think that doesn’t make my special “auntie” name a bit better – I must deliver a good gift before the birthday. Sometimes I don’t always make it; as was the case with Peanut, who got her gift a couple days after her second birthday. Thankfully, Peanut is not one to hold a grudge if you’re willing to make an offering in the form of Elmo. Any Elmo will do, as she’ll tell you (loudly).
So we’re at that time of year when I must start my quest for excellent holiday gifts for the six-pack. At the rate my sisters are reproducing, I would not be surprised if there were seven next year. Anyway, I must focus on the six at hand.
Your ideas are welcome. I’m leaning towards books because I love reading and like to encourage that. Plus, I get that excellent discount. I mean it – there are six!
*How does one become the Abba? Well, you would not be surprised if you had kids. Apparently they have an affinity for certain letter combinations when they’re in the earliest stages of language development. Simple or repetition is easy for them – which is why Cuddles is called KK and Bangles is called JJ. My oldest niece and nephew had a hard time with Alyssa – and it cam 
