You people are blowing my mindWhen I’m not all exhausted and cranky about the ‘burbs, I’m playing with the
Google Earth map.
It is both
fascinating and a little creepy. But whatever, I think more cool than creepy. It’s got fun zooming powers. I punched in our old address in Chicago and I could see our neighbor’s car. Wow.
And my parents’ house – that’s pretty much eclipsed by trees. But I saw our neighbors. Close your blinds, people!
Finally I plugged in our current address and yelped “Holy crap!” because I think you could see me out there with my Weed Eater ™.
Thanks Google – now I have to buy a blind for the skylight in my bathroom.
By: Alyssa | Monday, August 29, 2005 at Monday, August 29, 2005 | |
Sleepy little townLet it be said that there’s trouble brewing out in the ‘burbs.
Last week some guy walking his dog in a public park (in our new sleepy little town) was threatened with arrest – because he might be a terrorist. (Everyone knows terrorists carry cameras – not Labradors.)
And the over the weekend someone dropped racist hate pamphlets on front steps around the town. They were nice enough to keep them thoughtfully in place with little rocks! (They missed our house – much to my disappointment.)
Here’s the thing: if you’re a freaky racist, I like to know that up front, before I invite you over for a cookout or something. Self-identify so I can avoid you.
I can’t deny you your right to hatred and bigotry. I judge – we all do – but I don’t like that about myself. I won’t hang around and suffer your abuse; I will discourage it and speak out against it. But as long as your fist ends where my nose begins – I reckon we’ll be okay. I acknowledge and respect your First Amendment rights. Others may disagree with me on that front. I think they’re wrong.
As for the terrorists with their dogs – this is very worrisome. Apparently a stranger – an interloper from another land came here to walk their dog (how dare they, out of state plates?) in the park. Why would there possibly be out-of-state vehicles in these parts of Eastern Massachusetts just before like 600,000 college students show up to attend our many fine colleges and universities? It’s a genuine mystery.
An enigma.
Wrapped in bunk.
I’m ornery tonight. You know, sometimes it’s not the heat. It’s the stupidity.
By: Alyssa | at Monday, August 29, 2005 | |
Making a list, checking it twiceMy parents will be arriving in a few days. They want to see what kind of place we’ve bought – and you know, relax. Now that they’ve got seven grandkids – I think they like their adult, quiet time. I don’t think they get much of it.
Deeps: So what are we doing while your parents are here?
Me: I’ve been working on a list.
Deeps: Okay – so what’s on it?
I picked up a list from the coffee table and started to read.
Me: Install crown molding, build bathroom storage, take measurements for new kitchen counters, weed and prune shrubs, plant a tree, paint the hallway
Deeps: What? That’s not vacation.
Me: I know! I’m putting my parents to work.
Deeps: I think they want to relax.
Me: I think I want someone to help me with the Weed Eater.
Deeps: This is really too much. You really think they're going to help with crown molding?
Me: Yes - those weird angles are hard.
Deeps: They're not even going to be here for 48 hours. You are insane.
Me: Fine, what were you thinking?
Deeps: Well, they like the water so we could go to Salem or maybe Plymouth. Or I could try to get tickets on one of those boat tours. And we could go in to town for dinner – it’s a nice walk.
Now I know why my parents like Deeps more than me. He’s always coddling them.
By: Alyssa | Sunday, August 28, 2005 at Sunday, August 28, 2005 | |
It could have been worseRemember just a few days ago I was bellyaching about being more “adult” and looking for a grown-up bag.
Well, who do you think woke up early on Saturday morning – decked out in braids – to hit the
New England Pirate Museum in Salem?
I’ll give you a hint – it wasn’t Deeps.
We did a little day trip to Salem. We left early because – you know, that’s what we do. The drive was pretty quick (less than an hour) and we parked at the lot next to the Peabody Essex Museum.
Despite the weird layout – the museum is comprised of several old buildings connected to new ones – the museum had great exhibits and we spent well over two hours scouring the place. Then we had lunch and headed to the Pirate Museum.
It should be noted that I would always call it “The Pie-Rate Museum, argh!” In the end, we didn’t actually go in because it looked so bad from the outside, we thought it was a better idea to stroll around.
This is where I fell down on the job. I sort of expected spending the day inside museums, therefore I wasn’t as rigorous with my sunscreen application.
We strolled out to the pier, walked by The Friendship – a replica of an old boat from the days of the spice trade, wandered down to the House of Seven Gables, hit Cap’n Dusty’s Ice-Cream-O-Rama, and then wandered back through the town center where we beheld the controversial Bewitched town statue (courtesy of TVLand).
When I got home last night, I was very, very very lobstery around my face and neck and chest (thanks to the v-neck!). This morning it isn’t too bad. But the lesson here is – don’t forget the sunscreen.
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, August 28, 2005 | |
I don’t buy itWe visited the totally ignored Bewitched statue just before we left. Partly out of curiosity – what’s all
the hubbub about – and partly because we were already headed that direction.
As you can see – it’s just a small little thing. Like the opening from the
old TV show.
It was controversial in Salem because a lot f people were upset about the statue. Basically, they felt like the Witch Trials were a horrible black mark in the history of the town and that the statue doesn’t honor that (the 16 or so people put to death) and instead mocks it with a fake TV witch who wasn’t even from Salem.
At the time, one guy appeared on TV saying that erecting the statue was in poor taste – along the lines of putting up a statue of Colonel Klink at Auschwitz. While rather extreme, I could understand the argument.
Until I actually got to Salem.
Here’s the thing – there’s tacky, gaudy, and totally non-reverential witch stuff ALL OVER that town. Seriously. Everywhere. All the time.
There are probably like 20 different witch-oriented spaces – maybe more. There are wax museums, tarot card shops, palmistry places, haunted tours, spiritualists and more mounted witch dummies parked outside of shops that you can shake a stick at. This is what people come to the town for – to see the “witches” and their many wares.
And if you’re a bit higher minded, you can see a fantastic museum – then get your picture taken with Witchy-poo.
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, August 28, 2005 | |
The view from the end of the pier - when you're not dodging German tourists playing hackey sack. Behold the old Custom House and in the foreground, The Friendship.
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, August 28, 2005 | |
Behold the spooky and mysterious House of Seven Gables. Okay - it's not really spooky or mysterious. But it is right on the water, which is nice. And there's a good ice cream place close by. Delicious.
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, August 28, 2005 | |
The plot helpsDeeps wanted to watch
Entourage. They’re on like their 10th or 11th episode of this season, but whatever – he wants to catch up.
I watched
Entourage some last season. It was okay, but lacking in a lot of ways. Apparently one of those ways was plot.
This season we’ve determined (thanks On Demand! We’ve watched lots of episodes over the past 2 nights) that the improvements are as follows:
Actual storyline
More Piven
Better Turtle
Kevin Dillon is in a totally different show and no one else seems to notice
The Dillon factor is more important than you might realize. He’s like the Hulk on that show – he’s somewhat oblivious to the barbs tossed at him almost non-stop. He cannot be hurt. He’s like a sociopath without the drive or the charm.
I love him.
Piven may jump the shark – too much Piven could be detrimental to the show. But so far I think they’ve made the right choices.
Turtle gets to do some stuff – he seems less like a whipping boy and more like a whipping man. Plus he gets some of the best zingers on the show. I still loathe him, but he makes me guffaw on occasion.
The weakest links – that’s the center relationship to the show: Vince and Eric. Vince is totally blank - he’s like a poorly socialized sociopath with the charm. Actually, THAT would be the good show to watch. He just mimics his surroundings. But most of the time he’s totally and utterly flat and uninteresting and totally not engaging. Eric is like… whatever. Not having anything to play off of hurts him, ultimately.
Entourage is a decent summer show (which is damning with faint praise – have you seen the summer shows?)– but I’m not adding it to my regular rotation. For now I catch old eps On Demand and just hit that little FF button until I get to the Piven parts.
By: Alyssa | Friday, August 26, 2005 at Friday, August 26, 2005 | |
The HuntYou know, dear reader, plenty of people complain that they are so boring they don’t have anything to write about.
I am that boring – maybe even more boring – and I write anyway. I just subject you to MY boring stories.
Because I care.
I’m looking for the perfect fall bag. This is harder than I thought it would be because a) I’m picky and b) I’m uh…thrifty.
I’m looking for something in chocolate suede, although I’ll go with a regular leather if I have to. No fake leather. I’m over 30; I can’t abide by fake leather anymore. What’s the point?
I’ve been perusing the eBay at night –searching for bags. I might even become one of those Coach Ladies. Who am I kidding – I’ve got some already, but they don’t go out during the week. Those are my weekend bags. Getting the perfect fall tote might mean giving up my waterproof Timbuk2 bag. It is the greatest bag I’ve ever owned, but ultimately – it’s not as stylish as I’d like.
I don’t feel quite as grown-up when I carry it – you know like a person who has a 401K and a mortgage.
So there. My latest shallow entry for the day.
By: Alyssa | at Friday, August 26, 2005 | |
Non-SequitorI hate all of my summer clothes. In fact, I hate them so much I can barely process what I’m wearing at any time.
I may wear the same shirt twice in the same week thanks in large part to a) not paying attention to such things and b) my husband’s maniacal laundry schedule. He washes stuff as soon as it hits the hamper. I swear he can hear it hit the basket – even when he’s on the first floor.
So that’s my horrible secret – I’m ready for my fall wardrobe. I don’t actually have it yet – but you know… I’m ready.
By: Alyssa | Thursday, August 25, 2005 at Thursday, August 25, 2005 | |
Junior VarsityDeeps has taken to puttering around the house.
This is a new development – he had never shown any interest in home repair or improvement. But now that he’s a homeowner, he’s all over it.
He walks around with a hammer and a utility knife and sometimes I find him wielding a set of pliers I swiped from my Dad about 10 years ago (sorry, Dad!). I think he gets tired of digging through my tools in the basement, so he suggested that we have a small cache of regularly used tools: utility knife, hammer, pliers, screwdrivers – on the first floor.
I did him one better – I got him his own toolbox.
It’s small and red and holds a few things. It came with a pretty good hammer and two excellent pairs of pliers. I also sprung for a swanky new set of screwdrivers. He’s in heaven.
“It’s like your Junior Handyman toolkit,” I told him as I paid for it at the hardware store.
I think the JV status bugged him. But it’s legit – you don’t get promoted to varsity until you’re ready to deal with the power tools.
He’s really only comfortable with the electric screwdriver that is too powerful and always strips screws (for me). I’m the official user of drills and saws – and I hammer for the family most of the time.
Division of labor – all good marriages are based on it.
By: Alyssa | at Thursday, August 25, 2005 | |
Light readingDeeps came upstairs to find me reading.
“What are you reading?” he asked.
“Oh just one of those home improvement books,” I replied. He gets nervous when I crack out the book. It’s one thing to drill a hole in the front door. It’s another to start demanding table saws and planning large-scale construction projects.
Our backyard is lacking in uhm… definition. I mean I’ve got the crab grass and the concrete parking slab. Plus the world’s largest shrub is threatening to take over my somewhat dilapidated shed.
But there’s no real patio or entertaining space.
That is all going to change if I get my way.
I’ve ordered a deck-building book. And Big Al – my father and builder of several decks – is arriving next week. What he doesn’t know is that I’ll be consulting with him on how I might proceed next spring.
Our house needs a deck. He knows how to build one. With a plane ticket and a power saw, I think we can make it happen.
First the deck, then the pergola.
The book says all I need is some graph paper and a ruler to start.
I’m on fire.
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, August 24, 2005 at Wednesday, August 24, 2005 | |
ToothlessThe French Connection and CC came over for dinner on Saturday.
I throw a mean dinner party. You can’t get haute cuisine like I make just anywhere. I rival a mid-range diner or possibly a truck stop in both quality and creativity of my meals.
I made them burgers and baked beans. And they liked it.
Plus they were like an hour late so who are they to complain about my crappy meal? I know I lured them over with the prospect of going to the schmancy ice cream joint. They didn’t want to fill up on dinner.
Anyway – while were eating dinner and chatting, we started talking about movies and people in the movies. I’m not totally sure how the specific topic of – and I quote – “he has no teefs” came up.
Apparently the French Connection has a firm belief that the bad guys in many films don’t have “teef”. Now sometimes this is true. As she pointed out,
Chris Cooper doesn’t have any teeth in
Adaptation. He’s the villain (one of them) as much as anyone. But she seems to think that he’s toothless in real life.
She’s also convinced that
Willem Dafoe,
Christopher Walken and maybe the Governator don’t have teeth – and they are evil without them.
I tried to explain to her that in the toothless roles (and honestly I can’t think of any toothless instances for Dafoe or Walken) the actors sport special dentures. They don’t – in fact – have their own teeth removed for the role.
Maybe that’s how they do things in France – I don’t know. I mean, I read about French New Wave and I've seen lots of movies – and I don’t remember anyone being toothless in
Godard’s works. But the French are different. They have exacting standards for their wine and cheese and pastries. Why should their actors be any different?
All I know is that I will forever be haunted by the sounds of the French Connection - in her most exasperated, loud and French delivery possible: “But zey have no teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefs.”
It haunts my dreams.
By: Alyssa | Monday, August 22, 2005 at Monday, August 22, 2005 | |
The sure thingMy parents are coming to visit in less than two weeks – so the preparations have begun in earnest.
Okay – so that really just means I have to clean out the guest room. But I’ve really started thinking about doing that. In earnest.
We had big plans tackle it over the weekend. But then the humidity struck – seriously, I was swimming it was so oppressive. And suddenly the motivation was just kind of … for lack of a better word – drowned.
We went to the movies instead.
As a fan of both The Daily Show and
Steve Carrell, we thought it was only right to go see
The 40 Year-old Virgin. Wow – what totally hilarious film.
Look, it’s not the smartest movie in the world – and really, it’s not even like the bawdiest sex comedy around. But it was funny and sweet and it wasn’t too earnest and I laughed pretty consistently too the end (unlike the Wedding Crashers which I liked but felt it got too earnest during Act 3). Actually, I sobbed at the end – I was laughing so hard. Tears were literally streaming down my face.
It might have been the heat and humidity – or the cold medicine. Or the thought of touching up all the trim in the guest room. That’s enough to make anyone cry.
By: Alyssa | at Monday, August 22, 2005 | |
Eat itI have a Weed Eater ™.
I just bought it last weekend, before the sniffles attacked me.
On Sunday morning I thought I might be feeling better so I decided to use it on the weeds along the sidewalk. Weeds and crabgrass – that’s my landscape. So I plugged it in and fired it up.
Holy cow – that thing is loud. And stuff was flying everywhere. Then Deeps came out and did some edging. It vibrates so hard that it makes your shoulder hurt. And I have mighty shoulders (thanks to the gym).
While he was edging, I stood like 10 feet away up on the steps to the back door. I was getting beaned in the head with bits of weed. I lived, but I think we’re going to need some ear plugs and bigger safety goggles.
And maybe a helmet.
I live in the suburbs now – the
Boston Phoenix tells me so – and I have a Weed Eater ™.
Fear me.
By: Alyssa | Friday, August 19, 2005 at Friday, August 19, 2005 | |
The AristocratsI think it’s a solid matinee film – probably even better as a rental.
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, I did – but then on further consideration, I thought it could have been better. (This being the consideration that happens in the time when you wait in line to use the loo after the movie.)
I laughed – it is pretty dirty, but not as shocking as you’d expect. At least, I wasn’t too shocked – but then I sometimes watch CSI.
I think Gilbert Gotfried was redeemed in the film; I liked Phyllis Diller a lot and found Bob Saget both compelling and creepy. I think that was his goal.
I suspect the DVD will be better – there is probably a lot of good stuff that didn’t make it into the film. I have a suspicion that
that is the better movie.
By: Alyssa | at Friday, August 19, 2005 | |
Remote ControlYesterday I was watching the morning news – I missed the weather so using the trusty TiFaux I did the “rewind live TV” thing. That worked – but then I couldn’t get the remote to work right again afterwards.
We had an emergency.
I started clicking and pushing buttons – holding the remote at weird angles. Nothing worked. I swapped batteries, I shook the remote, I re-entered the code. I turned everything off and turned it back on.
The remote – she was dead.
Deeps arrived downstairs and I left the remote on the chair.
I was in the kitchen when I heard him say, “I think the remote is broken.”
“Oh really? It worked fine for me a minute ago,” I said. You have think fast and let's be honest, sometimes playing dumb is the key to a good marriage.
I heard him messing with it for a few minutes. “I guess I’ll drop by the place to get a new one.”
It’s just that easy. I drank my coffee and said, “That’s a good idea.” Today – everything is working just fine.
Except my nose – which is very stuffy.
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, August 17, 2005 at Wednesday, August 17, 2005 | |
Nyquil gives you special powersLast night around 3 I was wandering around in the dark. Because – you know – that’s what you do when you’re sick sometimes.
I thought, wow – I can really see well in the dark. This Nyquil is good stuff. But then I realized that the moon was pretty full and the streetlight is pretty bright. So I have not developed any super powers or anything.
However I am very, very sweaty.
By: Alyssa | at Wednesday, August 17, 2005 | |
August among usI’m not a fan of August – it’s usually too hot and humid and slow and boring. Now I’m even less of a fan thanks to Summer Cold.
Oh yes – that’s right – during the hottest weekend of the year I am subjected to the Summer Cold. Saturday I was sneezing and my nose was a little runny. I assumed this was allergies because – who gets a cold August? By Saturday night my throat was sore, my head was aching, and I was very stuffy.
I spent yesterday in bed, stayed home from work today and despite watching not one but TWO Billy Zane movies I’m not really better.
So thanks August, for bringing me a new level of uncomfortable-ness in August – because nothing beats the Summer Cold.
By: Alyssa | Monday, August 15, 2005 at Monday, August 15, 2005 | |
Intervention – breakfast styleMy husband opened the fridge last night and poked around.
“We need to go the grocery store,” he said.
My response was something along the lines of – duh, but I kept it to myself. “I know – I’ve been making a list but I didn’t have time to go yet. It’s a big chore now.”
Which is totally true – the chore part. The suburban grocery stores are so lame that I’ve been secretly driving back to my old neighborhood to buy stuff. Now it’s not like I buy some crazy special food – but seriously, these people can’t stock frozen turkey burgers? Come on.
And the produce selections are bad – so I end up going back to the sketchy grocery store in Cambridge. What it lacks in character and charm it makes up for in fresh veggies, sugar free corn muffins and turkey burgers.
It may be that the suburban stores are too small (which is weird because – hello, suburbs) and I don’t know where to find stuff yet. But when I walk through a store and literally walk up and down every aisle and spend 2 hours shopping for groceries (when it used to take me about 40 minutes) there’s something lacking. I might have to switch back to going to Peapod if this keeps up.
But I digress – Deeps muttered about food. Then he came into the living room, sat down and made a startling confession.
“I think I need to buy some stuff for breakfast or something,” he said. This is startling because despite the fact he and I are the same age – he’s been maintaining his grad school lifestyle little sleep and bad eating – for about three years. I think he’s showing signs of wavering.
“I go to the vending machine to get juice in the morning, but then they don’t have the juice – or the machine isn’t refrigerated. Then I have to go all the way to the cafeteria, which is far away. And then they want to charge me $.20 more for the same thing I can get from the vending machine,” he rushed out in one breath.
“Yeah, so? Just pay the $.20,” I said.
Then he explained that he had, but that while at the vending machines searching for his mysterious and exotic Orange Juice (have you ever heard of this juice – it is rare and special) he has been buying candy bars.
“So you’re eating a candy bar for breakfast every morning?”
“Not every morning,” he said sheepishly.
“Most mornings?”
“Yeah.”
The fact that grad-school man is now asking for breakfast is the biggest shock of all. No longer satisfied with his life-affirming OJ and Snickers bar, he’s ready to make his way into the adult world of non-candy bar solutions.
I guess I need to make that grocery list now.
By: Alyssa | Friday, August 12, 2005 at Friday, August 12, 2005 | |
That’s ChinatownWe have parties. Not like all the time but we’ve been known to buy booze, make finger foods and turn up the music.
A few weeks ago we were discussing the pending housewarming party – it isn’t actually scheduled, but we’re discussing it. Anyway, we had narrowed the days to a few Saturdays in August and September. Once I thought the day was relatively settled I started thinking about food and entertainment.
“We could get a Costco membership,” my beloved suggested. He’s smart – that one. The last time we had a membership to a warehouse-style place was back in Chicago.
We bought a lot of booze and had parties for the whole summer. I’m not sure anyone ever touched the 13 gallon bottle of Tanqueray I bought – but they did blaze through the Absolut.
We identified the nearest Costco (about 4 miles away), grabbed our checkbook (so 1981) and headed over to get a membership. We filled out forms, had horrible pictures taken (is that really necessary) and then started walking around the store. We literally walked up and down every aisle.
“Where is the booze?” I asked. “Did we miss it?”
Deeps paused thoughtfully near a display of men’s underwear. “I don’t think they have any,” he said.
“What! That’s crazy talk,” I muttered eyeballing a case of socks. “We probably just missed it.”
“We haven’t missed anything,” Deeps replied. “Just think about where we live, you know… with the Puritans.”
And he was right – thanks to the Pilgrims and later the Puritans, it is surprisingly difficult to buy a bottle of hooch in this town. Okay, not that hard – but hard enough that many grocery stores don’t carry it and neither – apparently – does the Costco.
“I think I’m going to ask for a refund,” I said stalking off towards the front of the store. “Seriously, I’m not going to buy an 8 gallon bottle of mayo. There’s no reason for us to have this membership.”
Deeps motioned for me to stop. “What about this stuff?” he asked. Before me was a giant display of flat screen televisions and other assorted electronics for hundreds of dollars below retail.
I pondered it for a moment.
“Fine, we can keep it – but you can only buy one foodstuff per trip,” I said shoving the card back in my wallet. “And I want that TV,” I pointed to the nearest 37” plasma TV, “for my birthday.”
By: Alyssa | Thursday, August 11, 2005 at Thursday, August 11, 2005 | |
It’s not me, it’s you: TV editionI had heard that some new sitcom (not the eating disorder one)
on FX was decent. It’s the deadliest part of the summer (hot, humid, and hazy) and the most boring (what the hell will I watch) – so I thought I’d give it a shot.
I TiFauxed it and tried to watch it today. I got the last 3-5 minutes of some crappy show that appears before the one I wanted. And my show cut off about 5 minutes early because FX scheduled the shows with weird start/finish times but the TiFaux didn’t know (because the schedule doesn’t actually show the difference).
Deeps suggested we trying taping it again.
No way, I’m breaking up with this show, I replied.
But it wasn’t the show’s fault – it is FX's weird deal.
I could care less, I sulked. If they don’t care about my needs as a viewer, I don’t care about their show.
It’s one thing when Lost or ER run like 2 minutes over, the TV schedule usually reflects that. This was just unexpected but, according to Deeps, not unusual.
TV – there’s too much stuff on this season that is going to be interesting. Don’t start jerking me around. Haven’t you seen what I’ve done to the movie business? No more Wednesday night at the movies for me and the family. You may have read something about it – I hear they’re in a
slump.
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, August 10, 2005 at Wednesday, August 10, 2005 | |
I may need a spreadsheetI will cop to loving TV – maybe too much. I’m the one who insisted on having a TV and then getting a really big one (although by more modern standards, our 32” TV is pretty average). I love watching it and since getting the
TiFaux, I love it even more.
Sometime January or February we realized that we had at least one interesting thing to watch on TV 4 of 7 nights a week. That was a huge development for us compared to the previous television season when we watched like two shows a week and lamented what would happen when one was cancelled.
Last night Deeps asked me a question he often asks, what’s going on with TV?
There’s a lot – the Television Critics bi-annual press tour just wrapped up and I’d read a lot (seriously) about the new season.
Me: I think we’ll have some more stuff to watch. It probably won’t be good – but I’m willing to give it a shot.
Deeps: Okay – so what about the knock-offs?
Right – the knock-offs: there are 3 sci-fi genre shows that are sort of like
Lost but probably not as good and definitely do not have hot Sayid. That said, allegedly, two of the three (one on each of the big networks) are supposed to be watchable.
Me: It’s a crapshoot. I think we watch all three and then decide if we’ll pick one.
Deeps: When are they on?
Me: I don’t know – I haven’t looked at the grid.
This is when I cross over from television viewer to big freak. I suggest we get some sort of spreadsheet, print out a grid, and possibly “white board” a solution. Because I’m just talking about new shows – I haven’t even covered the returning shows we watch.
Me: I know
Arrested Development moved – and I think
Veronica Mars is up against
Lost.
Deeps: Hmm. We may need to get the VCR set-up again.
Me: I think Wednesdays and Thursdays will be fraught with conflict.
Deeps: This is all very complicated.
Me: Yeah, I guess we could give up some stuff.
Deeps: But TV is suddenly so good after years of sucking. I think we can find a way.
Me: So we’ll be making our own custom schedule again.
And then I thought, we’re like lots of people in America – we have to reschedule shows to watch later. It’s not all that unique, but when you think about how wide-spread it is I wonder when we’ll be able to get network shows on-demand. Or when FX will catch up with HBO and I can watch the last 3 episodes of
Nip/Tuck whenever I want.
Mostly I’m glad there’s something interesting to watch, with some people I like, and that I won’t be shunned for not watching Survivor or the Bachelor or other crappy reality shows. I like my reality all fake – with plane crash survivors, talking puppets, and polar bears.
By: Alyssa | at Wednesday, August 10, 2005 | |
Internets, Discuss: What do you think?Yesterday I walked by a store that had a big sign up proclaiming “Grand Opening” – the place is called Golden Waters Massage.
I say the name is like – not right. Deeps says I have a dirty mind. It’s established I have a dirty mind (I’m a human being), but do you think the name is kind of you know… you know….
Unfortunate?
Discuss.
By: Alyssa | at Wednesday, August 10, 2005 | |
Making friends on the T: StiffSo I just finished this book called
“Stiff” – it’s about human cadavers. It is good reading: well written, fascinating and utterly engaging. Mary Roach writes a completely approachable book – you may get put off by some of stuff, but if you can make it through an average episode of CSI you should be okay.
I’ll admit, I made a lot of faces when reading it. It was involuntary – but then I’d see the looks of people around me (on the T). At least three different people struck up a conversation with me about the book during the past week. That’s approximately 3x the number of people who’ve voluntarily spoken to me on the train over the past year.
In fact one woman mentioned she had the book on tape. I told her that might be too much for me - at least with the book you can kind of skip a paragraph if things get a little intense. She agreed.
The book is chock full of facts and you learn lots of good stuff about physics in addition to funeral traditions. And if you read this book on the heels of
The Men Who Stare at Goats you’ll recognize one General Stubblebine in a cameo appearance. Hurray!
Roach weaves great stories based on her experiences with cadavers as she travels the country (mostly) and later the world to understand what we’re doing with bodies. It’s not just burial and cremation.
She asks a lot of provocative questions – she poses ethical questions – and she asks the creepy questions that you are thinking but probably wouldn’t ask. I liked it a lot and would say it’s a good book to read at home – maybe not when you’re on vacation. It’s not depressing but when you’re dealing with death and mortality – well… it can be a bit morbid.
But in a totally good way.
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, August 09, 2005 at Tuesday, August 09, 2005 | |
Low self-esteemThe cat is about 10. She’s very picky and tidy and neat. But I noticed early in the week some of her fur along the base of her tail (along her spine) was kind of matted. This is unusual given her proclivity to groom herself all the time.
Sometimes I wake up because she’s licking herself really loudly at 4 AM.
I brushed and brushed – but had no luck with the clumps of fur. Deeps suggested that the cat is too fat to clean herself everywhere. Which may be true – but we have just encountered the problem recently. I suggested she might be getting old.
So Old Cat and I sat on the floor – I distracted her with my toes (sometimes one must make a sacrifice) while I cut out little clumps of fur. I brushed and brushed to make sure she didn’t have any other clumps. When it was over I had a handful of cat fur and one honked off pet.
“What the hell happened to your butt?” my husband exclaimed as the cat was parked under the kitchen table eating her food. “Have you seen this?” he asked me. “She’s all patchy and bald!”
“I know – I gave her a little trim,” I replied.
“All the cats in the neighborhood are going to make fun of her now,” he said.
Now I know the cat has a brain the size of a walnut – but I think she might have understood what he said. She’s been hiding in the closet upstairs ever since. I think I’m going to be for some rude awakenings tonight – she might extract her revenge by taking a few clumps out of my head.
I like to tell her that’s not matted hair – those are curls. But what does she know?
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, August 09, 2005 | |
Behold Cat Shame
I've never given a good hair cut. Don't try this on your own pet.
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, August 09, 2005 | |
How to make a budgetWe had dinner last night with some friends – we were talking about approximately 1000 different topic when the subject of budgets came up.
They, like us, have recently purchased a house. They – apparently – don’t have a refined budget. I have one that is color-coded. (Colors define what gets paid and when.)
“So how do you make a budget,” she asked me as we sipped decaf after our meals. Look – I’ll save you a few bucks. You don’t need to buy a book. Here’s the deal….
I mentioned to my friend that I really started making a budget when I thought we’d have a big wedding, I’d started saving aggressively for that. Then when I got laid off, I really got into the fine detail of budget making: it wasn’t an idealized budget; it was one that was real that I (okay – we) could live with.
A lot of people make the idealized budget: we’re only going to spend $100 eating out this month or we’re only going to spend $50 on entertainment. Maybe you don’t eat out a lot – but if you do, it’s hard to switch to maybe going out once a month instead of once a week.
And if you can’t live with your budget, then it doesn’t really serve any purpose.
I suggested writing down all of your regular expenses – fixed costs, estimates of what you pay for utilities, phone etc, and then collect your receipts to see how you’ve spent your “discretionary” money over the past couple of months.
That is the best way to help build a realistic budget. If you’re going to buy cheap coffee every day – you need to build that into your plan. If you’re going to bring your lunch three days a week, adjust accordingly. If you’re going to pay off your car loan faster – you can’t know if that’s possible until you see where all your money is and where it is going.
This is a painful and time-consuming process because most people don’t want to face how much money they blow in week or month. Plus money stuff makes people anxious.
I did mine so long ago – I can’t pay my bills without consulting my spreadsheet. Does that mean I’m never broke: nope. I’m broke sometimes. Other times I slide into payday on fumes. But at least I know where I stand most of the time – which is a big improvement over the bad old days when I’d hit the ATM and pray (like I was in Vegas) that something good would come out of the cash dispenser.
By: Alyssa | Sunday, August 07, 2005 at Sunday, August 07, 2005 | |
A brand new roomSo here’s what happened: people showed up around 7:00 in the morning and started doing work. I was drinking coffee and considering what to do. They’d blocked us in the driveway.
I did the usual morning “watering of the plant” – just the one plant, which I manage to keep alive on the front porch. I’ve given up on everything else until next spring (thanks, drought!). A guy on the crew approached me.
“You guys know what this is all about, right,” he said. “You’re cool, right? You’re cool.”
I said I knew what was going on and that “I guess we’re cool,” before heading inside. There was something weird and menacing about the way he was stating that we’re cool – like you’d better be cool, or else. I felt like I was in the ninth grade.
We had to play driveway roulette to get out and drive leave for the office. We came home that night to find a big pile of sawdust in the backyard (which seemed appropriate given how brown the grass was) and all of our garbage cans filled with stuff. I got a peek inside the house, the walls were a nice tan – but not wildly different from the butter color they’d been earlier in the day.
All the furniture – new and old – was piled in the living room. I asked the student about her experience, which she said had been good but slow. “You have to wait for them to set up the shots,” she said.
“Or they ask you to do stuff again,” her friend replied as she re-attached outlet covers.
Not surprisingly – reality isn’t so real, but then again that’s not really breaking news is it?
The next day I came home and the crew was still doing a bit of work in the backyard. A handyman was cutting bits off of something. I noticed the host of the show wandering around the back yard. He parked in a lawn chair and played with his phone.
Our neighbors came home and we chatted briefly. I learned that indeed we were “cool” – which apparently means we didn’t bug them or complain about their garbage. The neighbors went off to change clothes since the sound guy deemed one outfit unworkable for the purposes of wearing a mike and battery pack. I went inside to make dinner – they’d be a while.
And they were – the last of the crew didn’t leave until after 10 PM. No one ever talked to us again. Our neighbors popped by to offer us a look at the finished design.
I thought it looked good – but not great. I’d say that the combination of limited time, limited budget, and lack of experience – plus the need to create “drama” for the show means you’re going to get something okay but not exceptional. If their room had been really bad it would have been a more dramatic change.
As it was, they’d decided to buy all new furniture in time for the filming of the show – so the design student had a lot of nice stuff to work with. She just needed to help them pull together a cohesive look. She did, but some of the details on the execution were lacking: some stuff didn’t get painted, the chandelier isn’t fully wired (so it’s just a big pretty thing that doesn’t actually work) and they can’t fit their TV in their new storage unit.
While they weren’t totally bothered by some of the awkward details that didn’t get resolved – they were thrown by the new development mentioned by the site producer: the show is going to “spin them.” The show is pitching them as a young, hip couple. Okay – yeah, not a big stretch – but then they made our neighbor huddle up and read gossip magazines. Because you know, that’s what the story they’re telling is about: she lives for gossipy celebrity magazines.
She was disappointed they’d opted to do that, she’s a professional and smart and capable. And she’s reduced to a weird caricature of what a young, hip woman is: gossip monger.
Today I chatted with them again – they seem happier with the outcome. They didn’t say anything about the story that the show may spin. But they did acknowledge there are little things they’d like to see fixed in the room. They’ll probably end up doing that work themselves.
I asked them if the show helped them figure out what they might like to do in other rooms of the house. They joked they might just keep signing up for shows and get other people to make the decisions for them.
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, August 07, 2005 | |
Big RevealI’ll have to write about this more later – but just a quick update: the Designer Finals shoot is over.
I probably won’t be in it since they never talked to me again (and barely acknowledged I existed). Which is fine – except that they filled up all my trashcans and piled garbage next to my house so… you could have said please, TV people.
All things considered – not a huge imposition. The final reveal didn’t happen until late last night and the last of the crew left sometime around 10 PM. We popped in to see the place – it looked pretty good, but I could detect some levels of disappointment. It’s hard to say, but felt like a classic case of poor (or missing) expectation management.
I don’t think they thought the event was a failure – just didn’t quite do everything they’d hoped for – which is pretty much par for the course with these 2-day shows.
More tonight, including a blurry photo and my non-meeting of the show’s host.
By: Alyssa | Friday, August 05, 2005 at Friday, August 05, 2005 | |
It’s been real (estate)I cannot tell a lie: I still check the multiple listing service emails pretty regularly.
I know I’m not alone in this. However, most people I know are looking to see if a) something better came on the market or b) if they got “a deal”. I’m not interested in new stuff – I really focus on the old stuff.
I keep track of the properties we looked at in the past to see what happened to them. I especially keep close tabs on places we bid on (or nearly bid on – we were a little slow a couple of times).
I want to know what happened to them, how much they went for, when they closed, if they even sold at all.
I am not sad or bitter or even regret the ones that got away. Well, I’m a little confused by a couple. One place we bid on and got flat out rejected sold for less than our lowest offered price. So the guy could have made more money a few months ago – instead of holding out for less.
And the guy who sold the house out from under us – to the mysterious “cash” paying customer who could close on three weeks? Well, it hasn’t closed yet either. That guy expected it to close at the end of April. He’s still waiting at the start of August. I hope that pans out for him.
I guess you get the house you need and even the house you want in the end. I’m not sure about all the karmic balance that some people claim they’ve experienced during the process. But I do agree that we ended up with exactly what we needed.
And stuff we didn’t need – I’m looking at you, crabgrass.
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, August 03, 2005 at Wednesday, August 03, 2005 | |
Better left aloneYou may recall that a few weeks ago I mentioned that we have a yard now and it requires some amount of attention. I consulted with Big Al (aka my father) about the state of the lawn.
He advised watering and something with a like of 12s in it. I never found that stuff but I figured I could use some kind of summer lawn treatment to help kills bugs and help with drought resistance.
Here’s the thing – growing up in the Midwest, I’ve seen serious drought. Debilitating and threatening drought that ruined families and destroyed crops. It was all very John Mellencamp.
For that reason, I can’t get all freaked out about the fact my lawn is brown during a pretty dry summer. We’re not in the horrible shape that say Illinois is (I think most of the counties have been declared disaster areas) – but I’m not the only one with brown patches. I’ve watered some, but without any regular rain – it’s a losing battle. Well – sort of.
The one thing that has apparently blossomed – pun intended – during this summer of weed and feed is the crab grass. In fact, the whole yard is dormant except for the front half that is thriving, thick crab grass. It is green and lush and I never have to water. But I have to mow – like twice a week – it gets so crabby and thick.
I’m not sure if my “feeding” of the lawn is directly responsible. I will say that prior to my interventions (water and food) the lawn was just kind of lackluster with big brown spots in the middle. Now about 2/3rds of the grass is dormant and green-brown. It requires very little care. And the third closest to the house is growing like crazy – except it isn’t really the kind of thick fescue I’d hoped for.
Despondent? No. I keep it cut short and pretend I planned it that way. Anyway, I’m hoping to build a deck over that spot next year.
Maybe.
By: Alyssa | at Wednesday, August 03, 2005 | |
The Men Who Stare At GoatsI just finished Jon Ronson’s latest book:
The Men Who Stare At Goats.
It’s the kind of book that you think is going to go one way, but ends up someplace entirely different. But I think Ronson found that to be the case when he started it – so as a reader you’re really sharing closely in a writer’s experience.
Ronson’s book documents some weird projects that could be totally hilarious and dismissible – but he starts to build up connections and evidence that leads to really alarming conclusions. I’d share more, but it’s kind of hard to do without delving deeper. I think it’s good. He previously wrote about
extremists (primarily in America) – which was also very good.
Deeps and I both read the book and we kept coming back to the same question: how’d this guy get all these people to talk to him? We figured he was working the affable, dopey British thing that I thought only existed in sitcoms.
Or maybe everyone digs the accent.
Speaking of accents, I
still haven't read that Harry Potter book yet. I heard it just came out....
By: Alyssa | Monday, August 01, 2005 at Monday, August 01, 2005 | |
Maybe it’s just meI just wanted to share that today I paid both my electric bill from running the AC and got my first heating bill.
I love a budget program. Yeesh.
By: Alyssa | at Monday, August 01, 2005 | |
Roommate secrets revealedWhen I was in college I had approximately 11,000 roommates – only one of whom I still speak to. She and I were fed up by our senior year of college. We were tired of freaks and deadbeats. Our friend, Erik, agreed to live with us. He figured he was getting a good deal: living with two chicks would probably help his campus rep. Plus he was living with a neat freak (not me) so that benefits everyone.
There are so many delightful Erik stories – but I will share just one, inspired by a
recent blog entry by Jasclo.
Erik had a slightly different class schedule than us – and on some afternoons he would be in our house alone, doing guy things. He would talk about guy things: watching sports, drinking beer, smelling bad and scratching himself. No one was really that interested in his guy stuff.
One afternoon K and I came home around the same time, both home early on one of those special “guy” days. As we climbed the stairs to our rooms, we heard music playing – like someone was really rocking out.
We opened the door to Erik’s room to find him dancing around in his boxers – rocking out to Neil Diamond.
I have no words to describe the look on his face or our reaction to it. It was amazing, alarming and hilarious.
We quickly closed the door, laughed hysterically and never spoke of that day again.
By: Alyssa | at Monday, August 01, 2005 | |
