And the winners are....This year's
Big Red Blog anniversary book winners have been selected from thousands of finalists!
AdamAllison RoseBuffy (We've gone international!)
CitySlicker MomDarrenDrewGrumpy FrumpJaded OneJodyJurgen NationLyssMike PopeRachelRedReluctant HousewifeWow. What can I say - February was a great month. Aside from the weather.
If you are on this list and would like to receive your book - please email me (alyssa at alyssaboehm.com) with your mailing address and I'll send you a book.
Congratulations!
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, February 28, 2006 at Tuesday, February 28, 2006 | |
You get a book and you get a bookThe winners – and aren’t we all winners? – of
this year’s book giveaway will be announced tomorrow. Do you want a book? Drop me a line.
If you’re
otherwise occupied, have your husband email me.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Monday, February 27, 2006 at Monday, February 27, 2006 | |
Cuddles Gives BackI have a confession to make. My sister, Cuddles, is nicknamed in an ironic way.
She is in no way shape or form cuddly. In fact, she’s just as likely to mow you down with her car as to look at you. She's tough. She might own brass knuckles. She’s like Shaft – except she’s a blonde lady with three small kids.
Shut your mouth! Cuddles!
Anyway, I dubbed her Cuddles in the blog and almost immediately got a phone call from her. “I’m not cuddly,” she stated.
That is the beauty of it.
Anyway, Cuddles isn’t a big softie but she is a giver. And she’s running in the
Y-Me 5K race on Mother’s Day. So if you’d like to support her and support the search for a cure, I would appreciate it.
Cuddles does too – but she’s not one to get mushy about these things.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Monday, February 27, 2006 | |
Now that Darren is Really FamousDear Darren:
You’re the
most famous Hoosier who responds to my emails – that includes my father. He doesn’t like the email.
Anyway, I have an important question about our shared Hoosier heritage – did you ever celebrate your birthday at any of the following places:
Paramount Music Palace (I always requested the Pink Panther theme be played)?
Showbiz Pizza (with the terrifying singing robot bears)?
United Skates of America?
Connor Prairie?
Your friend,
Alyssa
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Monday, February 27, 2006 | |
What happens in Brookline stays in BrooklineDeeps and I have been discussing our list of possible projects for the spring and summer. He was talking about some new furniture piece thing and I suggested we go do some window shopping. This is a lot of extra information to explain how we ended up in
Brookline today.
We then watched some lady try to direct her husband/partner into a parking space. It was like watching someone try to land a 747.
Meanwhile another woman and her small kids walked into the lot. People were trying to park. Kids were wandering in front of moving vehicles. Hilarity was about to ensue.
Me: What is that woman doing?
Deeps: I think she’s trying to commune with that Saab.
Me: I can see that. Brookline is a little different.
Deeps: Because they have burritos.
Me: Oh my god, we can have burritos?
Deeps: Si.
Me: Watch out lady? Your kid is about to get mowed down.
Deeps: Meanwhile, the 747 is on its ninth approach. I don’t know what the problem is? There are three cars and four open spots.
Me: The small kids darting around the lot while their mother… what is she doing?
Deeps: Is she trying to do something with those pants?
Me: I think they’re snow pants.
Deeps: For her kids?
Me: They are not adult snow pants.
Deeps: This is the weirdest thing we’ll probably see today.
The woman started hopping around the lot with one foot partially jammed into the tiny snow pants, while her kids skittered around the parking lot. The other woman finally got her husband into a parking spot.
Me: It’s just so early in the day to see stuff like this.
Deeps: Maybe she’s doing performance art.
Me: Or maybe she was rejected from the Olympics closing ceremonies.
Deeps: Oooh yeah. And her kids are the sparks of human passion.
Me: If that guy in the station wagon runs them over will they flame out?
Deeps: Just like that figure
skating guy.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Sunday, February 26, 2006 at Sunday, February 26, 2006 | |
Seven and Seven as answered by a woman who took a Tylenol PM 1 hour agoSeven Things To Do Before I Die:Go to the bathroom.
Brush my teeth….
ZZZZZZZZ. Gah. Wha?
Seven Things I Cannot Do:Ice skate
Find the dental floss…….zzzzzzzz……
Where am I?
Seven Things That Attract Me to Blogging:All the free booty.
Seven Things I Say Most Often:
Snore?
Seven Books I Love:Boooooooooooooook
Seven Movies/DVDs That I Can Watch Over and Over Again:Oh pillow. I love you.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, February 26, 2006 | |
Those Very Special Episodes of LOSTDeeps and I play this game where we talk about what you’re not going to see on specific TV shows. Like the
Very Special Jack Bauer Christmas where Jack helps Santa fight terrorists and deliver his toys on
24.
We’ve had a lot of speculation about the episodes you won’t see on
LOST - like:
The episode where Claire discovers a secret cache of gold eye shadow, smokey black eye liner and the perfect mascara. That would explain why she looks so overly made-up each week.
The episode where Hurley accidentally uses some of the “brown sugar” that Charlie keeps in those Virgin Mary statues. Hilarity and some important lessons would ensue.
The episode where Kate and Sun pluck each other’s eyebrows into the perfect arches we see each week.
The episode where we learn Claire isn’t a natural blonde and her roots grow out.
The episode where Jack decides he hates all of his island neighbors and has elaborate dreams of murdering them all.
The flashback to that day in the first grade when Sawyer’s pants split because he ate too much at the Halloween party.
The episode where the Lostaways suffer from a terrible bout of dysentery.
The episode where John Locke shaves his noggin smooth.
The special Lost Christmas where Hurley decides to make a living nativity because – dude, we’ve got a baby and everything. They also stumble upon a camel and some sheep. Jin miraculously learns English in this episode.
The LOST wedding with Scott or Steve and that one lady in the background. Someone had packed a Vera Wang dress in his or her luggage and they also find a perfect tuxedo in the specially identified “wardrobe” hatch that is identified by a mysterious logo featuring ruby red slippers.
The episode where everyone goes to
Moldavia and become involved in a horrible shoot-out with Moldavian separatists. Not everyone makes it out alive.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Friday, February 24, 2006 at Friday, February 24, 2006 | |
How to tell it is School Vacation WeekIn this part of the world, I’d call it the greater Boston metro area, kids get a week off from school in February. It isn’t Spring Break; that comes later.
But it is School Vacation week – hence the catchy title of my entry.
We did not get this time off in Indiana, so I don’t know what the deal is with it. I do know that I like when it happens because my morning commute for the week is very, very easy. My evening commute is another story.
The week sneaks up on me because I don’t have kids and am not directly affected by when school is opened or closed. Usually by the Wednesday of school vacation week I start having a series of thoughts that lead me to deduce that school vacation week is upon us again.
Monday: Wow, it’s pretty dead today. I wonder if this is all related to President’s Day?
Tuesday: Why are there so many strollers on the T at rush hour? That’s just weird.
Wednesday: Why are so many people asking me for directions?
Just then a woman and her husband rush up to me.
“Is this Copley Square?” she asks.
“Yes,” I reply.
“And that’s Trinity Church?” she asks.
“Yep,” I answer pointing to the giant building.
“Thanks!” her husband throws over his shoulder as they rush towards the church.
Since I have successfully answered the questions of one tourist, others descend upon me.
“How do I get to Davis?”
“Where do I catch the E train?”
“Do you know where the nearest ATM is?”
I try to answer all the questions in a friendly but brisk manner. I’ve got places to go (home) and stuff to do (feed myself before I die of starvation).
I fight my way into the T station past a throng of parents and small children milling about in front of the turnstiles. I loudly say “Excuse me,” as I push through the crowd and wait for a train. I make my usual switch to the red line and wait to get on a very crowded train. I’m getting poked in the back and someone near me smells like day old burrito. I breathe through my mouth and keep reading.
Children and parents openly gawk as I turn the page. I guess the book with a drag queen on the cover is off-putting on School Vacation week. Hey, at least it wasn't
Satanic Verses. That's still on my "to be read" pile.
Labels: 2006, the T
By: Alyssa | Thursday, February 23, 2006 at Thursday, February 23, 2006 | |
Free Books!Who wants a
free book? I’ve still got plenty left.
Don’t you want to be like the other cool kids:
Jurgen,
Grumpy Frump and the
Reluctant Housewife? You know you do.
These are good books! Free to you. Just
drop me a line or leave a comment and I’ll get in touch with you at the end of the month when I mail everything out. Last year I sent out a bunch of books – including to far away and exotic places like Canada.
Claim yours now!
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Thursday, February 23, 2006 | |
Thanks for Nothing SweepsThe only good thing about February is that it is sweeps month. Otherwise, February is cold and desolate and reminds you of the horrors of winter.
Since this February we have the “Olympics” or as I call them “televised boredom” many other networks have wussed out at the last minute and decided not to air new episodes of their shows.
So I am forced to find other means of entertainment.
Like finishing my taxes (I keep waiting for that last Federal Form update), updating my address book, and watching short films from the 50s about how I should avoid being a juvenile delinquent.
Last night, in a fit of desperation I took entertainment matters into my own hands.
Deeps was, of course,
watching curling. He came into the kitchen to see what I was doing.
Deeps: Wow.
Me: What?
Deeps: You’re scrubbing down the cabinets?
Me: Yes.
Deeps: Not having TV is really affecting you. You’re really cleaning. Like – a lot. On a Wednesday. And people aren’t coming over.
Me: I know. Isn’t this like a scene from that Sandra Bullock movie?
Deeps: Uhm?
Me: Where she is in rehab and has to clean the kitchen or something?
Deeps: I don’t remember. We were on a plane.
Me: Anyway, I was reading about
speed cleaning and I thought I should do something to clean up the kitchen. You know – like normal people.
Deeps: Did you polish the kitchen sink?
Me: Yeah.
Deeps: Do normal people polish the kitchen sink?
Me: I have no idea.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Thursday, February 23, 2006 | |
I’m a party girlWhen I came home last night there was a cheerful, hand addressed envelope waiting for me.
I had no idea who it was from or what it would be about.
Deeps: Who do you know in [redacted so as not to ruin any surprises]?
Me: I don’t know anyone there.
Deeps: You must have bought something.
Me: Well, if I did – it is lame, because this isn’t package shaped at all.
I carefully open the envelope to remove… an invitation. And not just any invitation, but an invitation to a bridal shower.
Me: Oh God.
Deeps rips the card from my hands and greedily reads it. Then he starts to giggle. Oh yes, I’m married to a giggler.
Me: I have successfully avoided these things for like the past 10 years. Crap.
Deeps: You can decline.
Me: I can’t not go.
A few minutes later Deeps is surfing the Web to learn more about the location. It looks like it is going to be a [specifics redacted] theme event. I’m asked to wear colors that compliment the theme.
Deeps: You have got to look at this.
I peer over his shoulder to see the web site for the venue. There's a menu featuring double fried chicken wings and other cholesterolic horrors.
Me: Whatever. I’ll go for an afternoon and we’ll have fun. If there’s enough booze.
Deeps: Did you see this thing starts at 10 in the morning?
Me: Oh for [redacted for propriety]'s sake.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, February 22, 2006 at Wednesday, February 22, 2006 | |
When Marriages Attack
We got up very early to go into work today for a special meeting. Tonight everyone is kind of draggy and tired.
Deeps: Can you run the dishwasher and make sure you lock up?
Me: What?
Deeps: I’m going upstairs to go to bed. Well, to eat some of these crackers in bed and then to go to sleep.
Me: You’re eating in bed?
Deeps: That’s what I’m planning.
Me: You can’t eat in bed.
Deeps: Why not?
Me: I just changed the sheets.
Deeps: So.
Me: And I can’t eat in the bed. Or eat in the car. And I’m pretty sure that I have a constitutional right to eat in the car. This is America!
Deeps: I’m going upstairs. Don’t forget to lock up.
This is a most unexpected turn of events.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, February 21, 2006 at Tuesday, February 21, 2006 | |
Fun with TaxesI know that some people have been struggling with their taxes.
I used to struggle a lot. But then I decided to go to one of those tax places that open up in the late winter to “do my taxes”. I pay a guy $100 and he does my taxes for me? Awesome.
I pulled together all my papers and files (I had them carefully organized) and headed over to one of those little offices near my apartment. That particular year had been rough – I’d been laid off (and was without any job prospects) and needed all the cash I could get.
I sat in front of a guy at a computer. He started asking me questions. I discerned a couple of things a) English wasn’t his first language and b) if English was/is my first language and I’m confused by tax codes, what must this guy think? And c) do you need any special training to do this job?
It became obvious to me you did not need any special training. He was just reading me questions off of the computer screen and I still had to do all the work. In fact, I had to point out that I could not deduct my student loan interest because (at the time) I’d made too much money that fiscal year (before the layoff).
My guy sucked.
The next year I was going to buy one of those software packages that lets you do your taxes yourself. I was dubious but figured I’d give it a shot. Worst-case scenario – I’d blow $30 for nothing.
It seemed to work out well. I don’t have super complicated taxes. Although this year they were challenging: I’d changed jobs, we bought a house, and we’d liquidated some “assets” to help pay for said house. Still, I’d say we’re pretty typical. And the little off-the-shelf solution works well for us.
The software prompts me to enter information. It asks me scenario-based questions that make sense. I also like that I can get good point-of-use help that is written in clear, conversational language. No “party of the first…” stuff for me.
I was very excited when my tax software came in the mail. The fact that I even typed that sentence is stunning. Anyway, I don’t mind doing the taxes. I can usually do them in under an hour. If we have any kids or do anything complicated with investing things will get more interesting.
Of course, I miss the days of the ol’ 1040 EZ where I could just call in and get a check for like $80. Cause I was rich back then with my minimum wage of $3.25 an hour.
Somehow I had more disposable income then and I had all the pink eye shadow and teal mascara a girl could want.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, February 21, 2006 | |
Wherein I am forced to watch hours and hours of curling coverageSo we were supposed to go to Indiana this weekend, but
it didn’t work out.
Instead, my husband has been watching the Olympics. I’m not a huge fan of the Olympics – I know, I’m un-American. I think the Olympics are kind of dumb. And if I do watch them, I tend to watch the weird stuff that nobody likes. I get frustrated at the overall Olympics coverage for being a little too jingoistic, too focused on the progress of the US teams and of course I hate the opening ceremonies. But like I said,
I’m a bad person.My husband loves to
watch curling. I have watched a lot of curling with him over the years. I’m not really sure when his love of curling started, but he’s caught a lot of coverage – perhaps all of the coverage available in the US – over the past few years.
“I can’t believe that – you’ve got to take a risk,” I hear him muttering to himself. “You don’t have the hammer!”
I slink away to the gym. He enjoys watching, I like doing. I return a few hours later, tired and sore. He's still deeply engrossed in a game between the US and Great Britain.
"I think that guy just dropped an F-bomb," I casually mention to my husband.
"What?" he asks and hits the rewind on the TiVo. I'm right. Those Brits aren't afraid to drop an F-bomb. I silently resolve that I like them more.
I don’t know
much about the sport, but I do find it casually relaxing and soothing to watch. Like when I’m sick and can settle in to watch a six-hour City Confidential Marathon. Maybe I fall asleep during some part, but when I wake up everything looks the same: stones are sliding down the ice or somebody has been killed (respectively).
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Sunday, February 19, 2006 at Sunday, February 19, 2006 | |
Technical Difficulties – Please standbyThere’s a chance the site is experiencing spotty outages. I’ve alerted my hosting company, but don’t have an answer about what’s going on. So if you can’t get here – my apologies. I hope to have everything worked out soon.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Friday, February 17, 2006 at Friday, February 17, 2006 | |
A reminder about why I don’t drive much anymoreI have the day off. Yaay!
I had a pretty brutal workout yesterday and was (okay, still am) feeling sore when I woke up. So I thought I’d drive over to ye olde lady gym for a short workout. Just enough to get the muscles working enough to stop being sore.
There was no parking when I got there, which was weird. And I never found any alternative parking so I headed back home. As I waited at a red light to make a right turn onto my street, I noticed a car pull up very close behind me. When the light turned green I waited as a woman and her small toddler tried to cross the street.
The guy behind me
immediately laid on his horn because I hadn’t turned. There’s a lady and her baby, jerkface.
I go from zero to road rage in the shortest amount of time of any human being I know – including known killers. This is why when I get into a screaming match with someone (usually I am a pedestrian yelling at someone in an SUV who tried to run me over in a crosswalk) my husband walks away. He figures it is easier than to be a witness later.
People – please stop trying to kill me. I don’t jaywalk. I wait for the light. I cross in crosswalks. I don’t dawdle. I keep it moving.
Anyway – maybe I haven’t had enough coffee or I should have eaten more breakfast or maybe I was disappointed that I couldn’t work out. Whatever the reason, I cannot tell you how close the honking guy was to being maimed. I was very tempted to climb out of the car, rip his driver’s side door of the hinges and beat him with it.
As I pulled away (letting the woman and child safely pass) I saw him in my rearview mirror. He just stopped in the middle of the intersection and just stared down the street as I drove away. Maybe he does know how close he was. And I hope he’s sorry.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Friday, February 17, 2006 | |
Fun with GunsLook – we all accidentally do dumb things.
The time I rammed Cuddles Honda Prelude like three times in the driveway – an unfortunate accident.
The time I had to prop up my 3-month-old niece in a grocery cart with some carefully placed boxes of Ritz crackers – not my finest moment.
The day I split my pants in the second grade - pretty embarrassing.
The time I bounced a check at the grocery store - very, very unfortunate.
And the time I accidentally shot my first high school boyfriend with bird shot – totally a mistake. Not intentional in anyway.
You’ve got to live and forgive people. That’s what the J-man would do.
And for those of you unsure of who the J-man is – I mean Jamiroquoi, of course. Does that man like funny hats or what?
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Thursday, February 16, 2006 at Thursday, February 16, 2006 | |
Wherein I discover my sister, Cuddles, is batsh*t crazyCuddles and I were chatting the other day. In the background I could hear my niece and nephews clamoring for attention.
Cuddles revealed that she’s been going to a personal trainer early in the morning one day a week.
Me: How’s that going?
Cuddles: It is good. It’s hard. I’m sore for days.
Me: That’s how it goes.
Cuddles: I’ve decided I’m going to do a mini-triathlon in August. You should fly out here and do it with me.
Me: What?
Cuddles: Yeah, it’s like a 5K run and a 12 mile bike ride and you swim like 500 meters.
Me: You’re nuts.
Cuddles: You can do it. You’re in good shape.
Me: Your notion of “good shape” and “me” is really just… delusional.
Cuddles: That’s what everyone keeps telling me. Maybe I should be more nervous.
Me: Because it is going to be hard?
Cuddles: Yeah – everyone I know is saying that they would find it hard. But I just don’t think it will be that bad.
Me: You also think it’s a good idea to have three kids under three.
Cuddles: Good point.
And I didn’t even bring up that she thinks the best show on TV stars Bill O’Reilly.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, February 15, 2006 at Wednesday, February 15, 2006 | |
An ode to day that is two days after a snowy dayOh internets
I wish thee wouldst love the snow
Like me
And see the joy
On the face of the guy
who thought he
Found a parking space
Only to discover there was
A fire hydrant
To fight the masses
And make your way
onto the train
Only to learn
There's a disabled train ahead
Or to know the wonder
Of yellow snow
Discovered after slipping
On black ice on the sidewalk
That the jerk down the street
Refuses to clear
Or the smell of burning wood
Except that it isn’t a fireplace
But the space heater you left
Far to close to the desk
And thus I find myself
On this snowy day
Feeling less blue
Because tomorrow it will be
Somewhere around 52
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Wednesday, February 15, 2006 | |
Hit me baby one more time: A Valentine’s Story“Do you remember anything unusual about last night?” my beloved asked me over dinner.
“No,” I replied enjoying a delicious bite of roasted pork loin.
“So then you don’t remember the incident in the bathroom?” he asked.
I pondered a moment. But wait! Something was slowly forming in the back of my head.
“I think I remember something,” I said. “You startled me.”
“And you scared the bejesus out of me,” he replied.
“Yes! Well, I think we scared the bejesus out of each other.”
I’d gone to bed a little early because I was exhausted and a little sore after a day of shoveling. I took a couple of ibuprofen and sacked out. Apparently a short time later I woke up and visited the loo.
As I was coming out of the bathroom, Deeps was trying to walk in but encountered resistance since I’d locked the door.
I saw someone in front of me, unexpectedly, and screamed – then threw a punch at the “target’s” solar plexus (like Wendy taught me). But I realized in a split second it was Deeps, so I pulled the punch and managed to not make hard contact. He got a tap instead.
He screamed. I screamed. Then we shuffled around each other and I promptly hit the pillow and was asleep again.
“And you tried to punch me,” he thoughtfully added.
“I pulled it at the last minute when I realized it was you,” I said.
“Tell it to the judge.”
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, February 14, 2006 at Tuesday, February 14, 2006 | |
Eleven more to goI still have 11 brand new books to give away
in honor of the Big Red Blog's fourth anniversary. Just a reminder – they’re all books I read last year and enjoyed a great deal. Perhaps you'd like to know more abou them.
I picked
Haroun and the Sea of Stories because I really enjoy Salman Rushdie’s writing. His books are dense of complex and really require a lot of a reader. This particular book is probably his most accessible – it’s a fairy tale and is full of fun and humor and heart (but not in a lame way). If you’ve been curious about his storytelling style, I think this is a good title with which to start.
Jasper Fforde’s books are similar – they are dense and intricate and expect something from you as a reader. I like books that engage your brain on multiple levels: there’s the main story, the many literary and historical details and the satire of human events.
The Eyre Affair is the first book in his Thursday Next series and I thought it was a delightful book. And rarely am I delighted by anything.
A Treasury of Deception is one of those clever books that I like to read when I’m traveling. It’s filled with little essays about historical hijinx: fake armies, lying journalists (horrors!), fake-outs from the founding fathers, and the suckers who couldn’t help themselves. You can jump in anywhere and later you’ll be the hit at parties while sharing clever stories about the
Cardiff Giant or Ben Franklin. Wasn’t that one of your resolutions for 2006? You wanted to be more of a bon vivant?
Crossing California is probably one of the best “coming of age” stories I’ve read in a long, long time. I think it works because it isn’t any one person’s story: it tells the story of a family struggling with their identities; it tells the story of a boy and his mother; it tells the story of a city and a neighborhood at a very specific time in history. It is immensely relatable and enjoyable and totally compelling.
So these are the books I’m giving away. The magnificent
Grumpy Frump has already claimed her book – will you claim yours?
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Monday, February 13, 2006 at Monday, February 13, 2006 | |
It snowedAnd snowed.
And snowed. The weather people were so excited - they get all hot and bothered for a good storm.
And per usual the youngest rookie reporters were forced to stand outside in the blizzard to give us reports. Snow is white and cold. Also the snow was too fluffy to pack into snowballs or to make snowmen. Children were disappointed. Dogs, less so.
We've shoveled like three different times. I had to take a nap from shoveling exhaustion. When it is like 14 degrees outside and you work up a sweat from shoveling, you need a cinnamon roll and a nap stat.
I don't have an exact snowfall total, but I'd guess we're in the foot range.
This is a bird’s eye view of the top of our neighbor’s car. The drifts are up to the door - prior to shovel trip #1.
Redacted Image - due to annoyed husbandWe opted to go do round #2 of shoveling during a lull in the storm. Of course we miscalculated and ended up trying to shovel during a particularly nasty band of 3-4 inches/hour snowfall. Whoops.
And of course, the mighty Poopus rests after a particularly rousing game of... competitive sleeping. And yes, that is my cat flashing you.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Sunday, February 12, 2006 at Sunday, February 12, 2006 | |
Blizzard 2006 Storm PrepSo Kristen and the kids decided (wisely) not to spend the night, but to spend the afternoon with us. The snow started late – sometime after midnight.
But we are ready.
First thing we do is hit the grocery store. Important things to buy: cat food, chocolate milk, taco fixin’s and some of those cinnamon rolls. Mmm. Delicious. We also made sure we have plenty of movies to watch (I’ve selected several craptaculous horror films in addition to two quality hours of Arrested Development).
Also important, I got my hair cut. Yes, that’s right – a good hair cut (and color) is as important as a hearty breakfast and a good shovel.
Today, we’ve got a lot of fun activities on deck: watching movies, finishing our taxes, shoveling, playing “where’s the cat?” and making long-distance phone calls. If you know me and I have your phone number, there is a good chance you’ll hear from me today.
So there you have it – more live blogging of the storm as events develop. I guess events will develop once someone (Deeps) rolls their sorry butt out of bed.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, February 12, 2006 | |
Don't forget - claim your free bookI’m still
giving away 12 free books to mark the anniversary of the blog – there are four exciting titles from which to choose. Internets, don’t say I never did nothing fer ya.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Friday, February 10, 2006 at Friday, February 10, 2006 | |
Breaking News – it will finally snowWinter in New England is
usually snowy and coldish – not as cold as I was raised with in the Midwest (where we don’t get as much snow, but we essentially experience frozen tundra and sub-zero temps on a regular basis). This winter has been freakishly warm and relatively snow-free.
I don’t mind
the snow, as long as there’s a plan.
This weekend we’re allegedly going to get a big snowstorm – 12+ inches according to the
weather guy. And so I’m making my mental checklist: boots, hat, gloves, pants, and shovel. We should be good.
Oh but we’re also going to be hosting our friends,
Kristen and
Ernesto and their two small kids. I’ll have to expand the checklist: SpongeBob videos, snacky cakes, chocolate milk.
And like I do whenever we have big snowstorms, I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures and show them to you people who jones for snow (
Nabbalicious).
The bonus for this snowstorm – we’ll have more bodies to help shovel. Woot! I’m putting those kids to work.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Friday, February 10, 2006 | |
That’s why I’m everyone’s favorite auntCuddles called last night while I was in the shower. The message went something like this:
(beep) Hey Lyss – did you tell Peanut about burkas? Because she’s been talking about them and I called Blah-Blah about them and she never told Peanut about them. So I figured she heard about burkas from you. So call me and I’ll tell you about it.
This isn’t the first time I’ve allegedly taught kids about something unusual and/or anti-social (okay, I've mostly taught the kids anti-social things).
For example, I taught Blondie about the finer points of hockey when I presented her with a hockey stick at the ripe old age of two. She tried to hit other kids with the stick.
I also taught her how to spit. Over the balcony at Grandma Slim’s house.
I told started to tell Focus a story about vampire bats before his mother, Bangles, put the kibosh on it. I hear that he still talks about vampires today and is kind of freaked out by them.
When we were in college, I would tag along on family meals when
Kristen’s mom came to visit (she fed me a lot). One time we all went to the Freightyard Pub with her mother, sister and two young nephews. The boys were fighting and I tried to distract them by telling them a story about how the pub was haunted by pirate ghosts. I made the kids cry.
They are probably still traumatized. Of course, the capper to that meal was that we distracted them from my ill-fated story by asking the oldest boy what he wanted to be when he grows up. He hemmed and hawed for a few moments.
His younger brother helpfully suggested, “He wants to be a vagina. Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.”
The table was silent for a moment then we erupted in laughter (to the dismay of the blue haired ladies at the table next to us). So then the oldest kid started to cry again because he thought we were making fun of him. And the youngest one kept loudly talking about vaginas in a singsong voice.
So the moral of this story: keep me away from your children. Sadly, I’ll be spending the next two weekends with small, impressionable kids – I’ll
try to be on my best behavior.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Thursday, February 09, 2006 at Thursday, February 09, 2006 | |
I am Patient ZeroI didn’t think I’d be contagious over the Internets and yet I can’t help but wonder when I realize that many of the bloggers I like to read on a regular basis are sick.
Evidence:
Plain-JaneCitySlicker MomThe CupCakeTentGrumpy FrumpJurgen NationMilkweed HillAnd of course
my husband (who does not have a blog, but has been contaminated by me)
The Asian Cat Flu strikes again! Please wash your hands after reading this post.
Labels: 2006, health
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, February 08, 2006 at Wednesday, February 08, 2006 | |
!Four More Years!February marks the four year anniversary of the Big Red Blog – A Blog Without Pity. And so to celebrate, I’m giving away books (
again).
That’s right good people – I am sending selected readers of the blog a free book.
Here’s the deal:
You read the blog this month. Make a comment (make sure to leave some method for me to contact you) - tell me why you think I’m stupid or smart or totally demented or leave a hilarious haiku – and I will select a dozen winners from the best submissions. If you're shy, you can just
email me. That’s right, Internets, there will be 12 winners this month.
What do you win? You’ll get one of the following titles - brand new books, I'm waiting for the box even as I type (for free!):
A Treasury of Deception by Michael Farquhar
Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie
The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde
Crossing California by Adam Langer
I’ve read all four and they are very good and enjoyable and will make you seem very smart at parties. What more could you possibly ask for?
They’re free. Don’t look a gift book in the mouth.
And if you're looking to load up your shelves -
there are a few other free
book contests going on out there. Go forth and get thee some free stuff.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Wednesday, February 08, 2006 | |
Every dog has his dayHelp out Ballon - a little Boston terrier whose owner is auctioning off the dog's original photo art.
Balloon needs some surgery and the
eBay auctions will help raise the needed funds.
Via Universal HubLabels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, February 07, 2006 at Tuesday, February 07, 2006 | |
Rest in PeaceMy husband is sick.
And like many men – not all men, but many – who are sick he’s a big fat baby. When I am sick I do not require anyone to take care of me. I like to hole up in a dark place (my bedroom), drink diet ginger ale, eat Cheerios and watch bad television while slipping in and out of consciousness.
My husband wants me to take care of him. He won’t take care of himself. God forbid the man stay home without me a) strongly urging or b) forcing him. He doesn’t take medicine very regularly and he won’t sleep. And he won’t shut up.
We’re in day four of the cold and he’s on my last nerve. I know – I’m a bad wife. But seriously, he’s an adult person.
Deeps: What have you done to me?
Me: I’m sorry I gave you the cold.
Deeps: I’m going to be dead tomorrow.
Me: No you’re not.
Deeps: This isn’t a cold. It’s some kind of crazy disease. Like…. See, there is something wrong. The cat won’t even look at me.
Me: You hate the cat. That’s why she won’t look at you.
Deeps: I have the Asian Cat flu. The cat is trying to kill me.
Me: I don’t think that’s it.
Deeps: Oh God, you’re in on it together.
And he’s extra bitter because I made him flush his brains out with the SinuCleanse three times yesterday.
While he’s still sick I’m trying to get better, keep the house running, go to work and prepare for our friends’ weekend visit.
They’re coming with their two adorable kids and we don’t want to be sick and gross when they get here. Well, I don’t. I can’t say the same for Sickly McWallows-in-his-own-filth. But I feel confident he wants to see everyone without having something creepy oozing out of his nose.
That’s just a guess. Meanwhile, I will try to be a better wife and caregiver. And hope that my patience with my patient can stretch for another few days.
Labels: 2006, health
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, February 07, 2006 | |
In the name of science 2: Wherein I convince my husband to put things up his noseDeeps has a cold. The cold that I had last week (and am shaking off this weekend) has made its way into his sad head.
He's stuffy and his throat is scratchy. I made him soup, brought him the fluffy pillow from the bed, and made him very comfy on the couch where he's been snoozing since early Saturday. He's pretty uncomfortable.
Me: I did the nasal irrigation.
Deeps: What? When?
Me: I bought the kit when I went to the drugstore this morning.
Deeps: You went to the drugstore?
Me: Yeah - where do you think all the extra Sprite came from?
He's totally out of it. I had to take action.
Me: You might want to try it.
Deeps: I'm not that stuffy.
Me: It worked.
Deeps: It sounds gross.
Me: It is gross. I think that is why it works.
Deeps: It sounds weird.
Me: Your people invented it.
So I coaxed him into trying it. I showed him the directions - with the helpful diagram - and then he did it. He made a lot more noise than I did. I waited outside of the bathroom.
Me: Is it working.
Deeps: Oh God.
Me: Are you okay?
Deeps: This is so gross.
Me: Are you doing it right.
Deeps: I think so. This is the most disgusting thing you've ever gotten me to do.
Wait until we have some kids. He doesn't know from disgusting.
But I can report that I've done it twice, he's done it once and we both report that it can be "weird" but it seems to work pretty well.
And that concludes today's science experiments. We're now going back downstairs to sack out and watch the
Kitty Half-Time show of the
Puppy Bowl. That seems to be about the right speed.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Sunday, February 05, 2006 at Sunday, February 05, 2006 | |
In the name of science: Wherein I put things up my noseI’ve been sick for about a week. I feel much better but my overall head stuffiness and congestion hasn’t really improved over the past three or four days. Tomorrow I’m supposed to resume training with Wendy. I’ve got to get better or she’s going to kill me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I went to the drugstore early this morning, fully intending to purchase some Afrin – per the suggestions of you, Internets.
But then I saw the SinuCleanse – a packaged nasal irrigation system. I figured I was worth the $14 experiment.
I mixed it up, followed the directions and now – several hours nose is totally unstuffed. Hurray! Yes, it was weird. But not as weird as I expected – the sensation was like falling into a pool unexpectedly. And I followed the directions (there’s a helpful diagram to show you how to hold your head) without incident.
So there you have it. Nasal irrigation worked for me – not as weird or creepy as expected. I wish I’d been smart enough to try it a few days ago. I might have been able to get some sleep. Of course, I might have missed out on cinematic wonders of
man-eating monster trucks and wondering
whatever happened to the kid from Dr. Quinn.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | at Sunday, February 05, 2006 | |
Do not attempt at homeLast night I blew my nose. Which isn’t unusual given my abating cold.
But apparently I blew my nose so hard that I gave myself some crazy bed spins and collapsed into a chair.
So – don’t do that, okay?
In other news, next week I’m announcing my !4 More Years! of the Big Red Blog contest to celebrate the blog’s four-year anniversary. I’ll be soliciting feedback and entries from readers – and I’ll be sending out books (to be named next week) to the “winners.”
Oh Internets, you’re all winners to me.
Happy weekend!
Labels: 2006, health
By: Alyssa | Friday, February 03, 2006 at Friday, February 03, 2006 | |
Blogging my coldSo I’ve had a cold for a few days. I haven’t been typing – but I wanted to let you know that I care so much for you, Internets, that I’ve been keeping track of my adventures to share.
Saturday 8:15 AM: Hmm. My throat kind of hurts.
Saturday 9:10 AM: I’m going to bed, to rest up.
Saturday 4:30 PM: ZZZZ.
Saturday 9:30 PM: I should probably not touch anyone or anything. But you’re having a very lovely party.
Sunday 10:29 AM: I’m just going to watch this ninja movie. Oh god, he’s going to know I’m sick.
Sunday 11:00 PM: I’m probably not going to work tomorrow.
Monday 3:41 AM: I wonder what Joey Lawrence is up to. Oh, I guess he’s dead. They didn’t even show him getting killed. Is that the guy from Dr. Quinn?
Monday 5:39 AM: If I can breathe through one nostril I can go to sleep.
Monday 10:26 AM: Deeps, this is an emergency: I need Puffs Plus with Lotion – at least two boxes; DayQuil and NyQuil. And some Lorna Doones. Stat.
Monday 7:38 PM: You should totally wear the yellow tie with the blue shirt.
Monday 10:59 PM: How do you think I feel? It’s like someone stepped on my face.
Tuesday 2:34 AM: Well – that was restful 3 hours of sleep. I feel totally good. I can probably go to work in a few hours.
Tuesday 2:38 AM: Who am I kidding? What’s on TV?
Tuesday 4:00 AM: I think I can break up some of this congestion if I can breathe in some steam. I’m just going to boil a little water and breathe in the steam.
Tuesday 4:08 AM: I think I read something about shooting water into your nose to relieve sinus infections. Maybe I should Google that.
Tuesday 4:19 AM: I’m just going to stop doing weird experiments with my nose because this is going to end in tragedy. And I don’t want to end up on the news.
I stopped keeping track at this point because I just kept watching bad television while blowing my nose.
Labels: 2006, health
By: Alyssa | Thursday, February 02, 2006 at Thursday, February 02, 2006 | |
