Vocabulary lessonsWhen I first moved to New England – about 12 years ago (ye gods) I had some vocabulary issues.
I didn’t know what a frappe was (that’s a milkshake to the rest of you). I mean, I guessed – I was at an ice cream stand. I come from a simpler land, we call a milkshake a milkshake – we are plain spoken people.
Last night I had more dairy dialogue issues. I asked for a small ice cream cone. I declined the sugar cone and motioned to the wafer cone. Now I grew up calling it a cake cone, but at least a dozen times at the same ice cream store someone corrected me and said it was a wafer cone.
The ice cream guy looked at me and said; oh that’s a cake cone. I made a face at my husband and replied to the ice cream guy, yes that would also be a word to describe the cone. It’s a synonym.
Synonym? The high-school boy looked at me in utter confusion. I don’t know what that is, he said.
I looked at my husband. He laughed a little and I shrugged my shoulders.
Snakes on a plane, man.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Friday, August 25, 2006 at Friday, August 25, 2006 | |
Things I think about when I can’t sleepLast night I had a tough time falling asleep, despite being totally wiped by 10 PM.
I had a little stream of consciousness thinking going – it reveals no great mysteries about me, except that I’m odd. And you already know that.
What is it like to get a pedicure in France?
How could baseball become interesting to me?
I should really go swimming.
We should get a dog. Deeps would totally not go for it. How could I get him to go for it? Of course then I’d have to walk the dog. Sometimes I have to work late. And I can’t just leave him a big bowl of food if we go on vacation for a few days. Plus the Poopus would be mad. Maybe I’ll stick with the cat.
If we have a baby, I think we need a swanky digital SLR – at least 12 MP.
I think more rappers should buy well-made fake bling to wear instead of investing in the real stuff. Then they could take the money they save and put it in a high interest bearing savings account if they are nervous about the stock market. If anyone accuses you of wearing fake stuff, pop a cap in them and enhance your street cred.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Thursday, August 24, 2006 at Thursday, August 24, 2006 | |
They’ve weaponized the moon!I’m not really a fan of
Nicholas Cage. In fact, I’d say that in general I do not like his body of work with the exception of
Raising Arizona. I love that movie so much I actually included it in our wedding registry lo those many years ago.
I’m sure he’s a nice guy. He’s got a weird Elvis thing and he kind of reminds me of Lurch and his hair is all over the place (he should call Piven’s hair plug guy). But whatever, I’m sure he’s a fine actor. I just don’t care for him.
And I could care less about his remake of the
Wicker Man. In fact, I find it weird that the film is being remade. Here’s the thing about the Wicker Man – it was weird, unscary and as surprising as your average episode of Murder She Wrote. Except it had more nudity, impromptu singing and Christopher Lee.
I rented Wicker Man when I worked at the video store a million years ago in high school. It was billed as the scariest movie ever made (up until that point – which was the early 70s). I watched it, I think I may have taken a short nap in the middle (I had mono) and then awoke to find The Equalizer having a throw down with Dracula. That seemed like a cool thing, except that the movie plodded along and I just hoped that the Equalizer and Dracula would have some momentous battle. Spoiler alert: it didn’t really come to pass. However, I think the ending was probably surprising at the time, it seems telegraphed from the first appearance of Edward Woodward.
Anyway, if there was ever a less essential movie that needed to be remade it is The Wicker Man. It wasn’t good the first time around – I can’t imagine what Neil LaBute has done to update it and make it either a) relevant or b) good.
It’s not on my essential movie viewing list and sadly, Nicholas Cage films won’t be added back to my must-see list.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, August 22, 2006 at Tuesday, August 22, 2006 | |
Like summerWe’ve been enjoying a giant box of popsicles – the kind we had as kids. You know, they come in the thin, plastic sleeves and you can eat lots of them if you want.
I mean, you know – if you eat all of your dinner.
I bought them as a fluke, but lately someone (not me) has been dipping into them late at night.
Deeps: Which one do you want?
Me: I don’t care.
Deeps: Which one?
Me: They all taste the same.
Deeps: Like plastic? You’re supposed to cup the plastic end off.
Me: No, they all taste like sugar water.
Deeps: They taste like orange, green and purple.
Me: And blue. Those are my favorite.
Deeps: Or pink. That’s a good one.
Me: Yeah, I like the pink one too. It tastes like…
Deeps: Pink?
Me: I have no better way to describe it.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Monday, August 21, 2006 at Monday, August 21, 2006 | |
Tips for travelI read an article on
Consumerist recently that reminded me of a word of warning a friend once passed along to me.
The
Consumerist piece – in a nutshell – was about a woman who offloaded her broken electronics by packing them in her checked luggage when going on a trip. Whenever she picked up her luggage at the baggage claim the electronics were mysteriously missing.
As for the word of warning from my friend, well he was wise and worldly in many ways and I have no reason to not believe this story. But again, I don’t have any evidence except what my friend told me.
Apparently at a family reunion he spotted one of his cousins in a T-shirt that read something like “Hard Rock Café Hong Kong” – except this wasn’t a knock-off item and his cousin wasn’t making trips overseas.
When my friend asked his cousin about the shirt, his cousin smiled mysteriously and asked if there was anything my friend needed – the cousin could get it at work. As my friend knew, his cousin was as a baggage handler at a large American airport. Allegedly, some of the workers were inclined to do a bit of shopping in the luggage they were processing from the check-in counter to the plain cargo hold.
This was all before 9/11 – so maybe things are different. But as a policy, I don’t check anything valuable in my luggage.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Saturday, August 19, 2006 at Saturday, August 19, 2006 | |
Voices carryA while back my friend Kit told me about the interesting problem plaguing her mother and step-father. Apparently Kit’s step-father has lost some of his hearing as he’s aged. I’d hazard a guess that that’s probably pretty typical.
Kit’s mother has to really bellow sometimes to get his attention. Finally, after several months (maybe years) of nagging Kit’s step-father got his hearing checked. They discovered that Kit’s step-dad has lost the ability to hear in the range that Kit’s mother’s voice registers.
Coincidence?
This issue came to mind when a few months back several us were at a crowded party. I was trying to get some food, but there were people everywhere (sign of a good party). I forgot to grab a fork – so as Mondo made his way to the buffet his wife asked that he grab her something to drink. Then I yelled to him to get me a fork. He didn’t respond in any way, so I suspected he didn’t hear me.
His wife, watching our one-sided conversation then yelled for Mondo’s attention and asked him to bring a fork for me. He acknowledged her and later I got my fork.
Like mother bears and little cubs, I guess you learn to tune into the sound of your person’s voice pretty quickly.
That doesn’t really explain what I have to do with Deeps sometimes. He’s a wanderer. Like a five-year old boy in a grocery store – he wanders away with the cart to look at stuff. Eventually, if I find him he’s at the other side of the store and I’ll kind of motion for him. I’ll say his name in a normal voice. I’ll try calling on his cell phone but it is usually turned off.
So I resort to the Mama call – I’m not sure he’s even processed that I do this – I call him in the sharp, quick way that his mother does. I mimic her call. And he usually responds.
Coincidence?
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Thursday, August 17, 2006 at Thursday, August 17, 2006 | |
An open letter to the guy in the silver Mercedes driving down St. James AvenueI walk to the gym three times a week. I cut across Copley Square and wait at the crosswalk that takes me from Trinity Church to the John Hancock building. It is often a pleasant, if windy walk.
Yesterday I waited at the crosswalk for a break in traffic. By law, I believe, cars are supposed to yield to pedestrians but
I don’t get my hopes up.
As I stood there, chatting with a colleague – waiting for you to pass – I noted that you started to change lanes suddenly and to swerve towards us. Then you drove through a giant puddle and soaked us both.
I was completely stunned – but only for a moment. As I let loose a string of invectives that would make Vice President Dick Cheney embarrassed. I was embarrassed. I had no idea I had such a well of profanity at my disposal.
You saw what you did, but drove away without as much as an apologetic shrug. And I can’t help but think you did it all on purpose. There was no obvious reason for you to change lanes.
Anyway, just wanted to thank you for helping to put the nail in the coffin of a bad day. I wish you a lifetime of bad haircuts and soggy sandwiches, you jerk.
Sincerely,
One
angry redhead
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, August 16, 2006 at Wednesday, August 16, 2006 | |
Farewell les enfantsWe need a vacation.
Okay, maybe Deeps doesn’t need a vacation – but I do. I’m a woman on the verge.
Originally, we’d planned on doing a trip to Italy in late September. Then we talked about it a bit and decided that perhaps we should do something less stressful – like an American vacation. We’ve never actually taken one in the US.
We talked and planned and discussed and came up with a trip to California to visit old friends and to extend the summer – we’d go in October (after we see Jon Stewart).
And then the latest airport security fiasco unfolded and I cancelled our California plans. Here’s the thing, before new security measures were implemented before 9/11 flying was a pain. I can’t tell you how many times I was stuck in a plane waiting on a tarmac for hours at a time. My luggage would get lost. I had stuff removed from my luggage (I’d call it stolen) and in general I found the airlines treated their customers like third class citizens, no matter how many upgrades I had.
After 9/11 when security tightened considerably and the airlines business suffered because people were afraid to fly things only got worse. Service was even spottier, it was harder to get information from the airlines and they cut back on the few frills they offered (like food and water). With this latest round of security restrictions, I can’t imagine that the airlines are going to step up to fill the gap.
We have a choice, and we choose not to fly. For now – until things get settled and the TSA figures out what the new rules are and how they’ll be implemented.
I know that there was once some notion about the glamour of travel. I haven’t seen that glamour for a while. I flew a lot when I worked in consulting, so it’s unfair to blame the small-scale disasters that unfold at airports exclusively on 9/11. For the most part the security process – while cumbersome – was pretty clear. But now things are in flux and I’ll wait it out.
I’ll admit to flying in flip flops and sweat pants to reduce my chances of being searched or being forced to remove extra shoes and clothing. There is no glamour in flops and gym pants. Getting stressed out about what I can take on a long flight is not relaxing. And I think we can all agree eating at the airport food court is no vacation.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, August 15, 2006 at Tuesday, August 15, 2006 | |
It’s a beautiful dayWe had a gorgeous weekend – the sunny and 75 degree variety. These are my favorite days. I suspect everyone likes days like this: not too hot, not too cool, and great for whatever you want to do inside our out.
We ran errands on Sunday morning and as we were headed back to our house we drove through a weird rotary. Cars and pedestrians flood the area as it is near a giant shopping center and close to a T stop.
Me: Wow.
Deeps: What?
Me: Did you see that?
Deeps: See what? I’m driving.
Me: There’s a little person walking with his iguana.
Deeps: Like an actual live, reptile?
Me: Yes.
Deeps: That’s not something you see every day.
Me: No it isn’t.
Off to my left a little man trudged along with his iguana perched on his shoulder. He gently stroked the iguana’s back as the lizard casually peered around. I suspect they’d visited the pet store near Orange Shopping – and clearly they were taking advantage of a beautiful day.
We can say it was so nice, it was perfect iguana walking weather.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Monday, August 14, 2006 at Monday, August 14, 2006 | |
A series of fortunate eventsWe’ve finally got the car back – and we’ve put it to good use. I’ve made two trips to Orange Shopping in the past couple of days.
We planted two lovely garden beds along the ugly old fence, picked some tomatoes, planted a butterfly shrub in the front, touched up paint, swapped out a shower head, installed some blinds in an awkward window, visited Mondo as he installed his oak floor, and hung out with CC for dinner and a movie.
I call it a full weekend – and our nice clean car has a certain whiff of mulch and potting soil. The front seats are still quite clean and the dashboard is absolutely gleaming.
The movie was Little Miss Sunshine which I found to be interesting – I thought it was a bit predictable but still quite enjoyable. CC didn’t think it was predictable, but he probably doesn’t watch as many movies and TV shows as I do. Everyone gave great performances – I even liked Greg Kinear who doesn’t really do anything for me.
So throw that movie on your “should watch” list – if it comes to your town. There are many good laughs. The trailer is hideous and makes very little sense. Take comfort in knowing it is a funny, dark, and unexpected comedy that actually delivers.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Sunday, August 13, 2006 at Sunday, August 13, 2006 | |
We’re prefer it if you didn’t dispel our misguided notionsOver the years I’ve collected a series of short, bizarre little stories that illustrate that many, many of my fellow human beings are apt to delusion (myself included).
A friend from South Africa once told me that when she was a kid she and her brother found some girlie mags where naked ladies were on display. However, instead of showing nipple the magazine editors had superimposed stars. Apparently later while playing doctor with a neighbor girl, the brother discovered that girls don’t have stars on their chest and was very disappointed.
I spent a lot of time in the early 80s being nervous about an alien invasion because people were talking about “illegal aliens.” I was doubly nervous about the idea of legal aliens, and I wondered if they’d be humanoid like me or wrinkly like ET.
My friend was in a small indie film (really, really small) a long time ago. The director wanted her to do a nude scene, she wasn’t comfortable – so they compromised doing a scene where she was clad (somewhat scantily) and getting dressed to go on a date. The direction was basically to just do what she would normally do to get ready for a date. She said that she pulled on some clothes and then started to apply some deodorant.
The director yelled cut. What are you doing, he wondered. She replied that she was getting dressed.
The director was apparently horrified by the notion that she’d be applying deodorant to her underarms. I guess he didn’t know that ladies a) had armpits and b) that they can stink if untreated.
Deodorant was deemed unsexy, something that men didn’t need to see. So she was forced to skip that step. Every time I get dressed after working out I think of this story when I put on deodorant – it’s better to stink than be sexy. On that notion, I must respectfully disagree.
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Friday, August 11, 2006 at Friday, August 11, 2006 | |
Dear Car:I got my hopes up. I’d really hoped that you’d be ready to take home yesterday but that isn’t the case.
I have no idea when you’ll be ready. But I’ve excavated, painted, cleaned, and stained everything I possibly can. Now I need you so I can buy some groceries and pick up some blue hydrangeas to plant along the ugly fence.
So get well soon, little car. I’m saving dozens of dollars on gas and that has just got to come to an end.
Your owner (just 29 more payments to go!),
Alyssa
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Thursday, August 10, 2006 at Thursday, August 10, 2006 | |
Pod-tasticI bought a microphone and I am close to joining the ranks of other podcasters. At least, if I can talk Deeps into joining me. He has a standing policy of “not being involved with the Internet,” which I guess means publishing – because the man reads everything on the Internet every day when he gets home.
Is there something in particular you’d like to hear me ramble about? I thought I’d do a broadcast from the backyard and talk about my tomato plants.
Kidding!
Labels: 2006
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, August 09, 2006 at Wednesday, August 09, 2006 | |
Rumor has itThe very nice people at the body shop have suggested that we might get our car back this week.
I’m pretty excited about the prospect, mostly because I want to go to the grocery store (and want should be read as need).
But we’ve learned a lot about our car driving habits since we haven’t had the car for nearly a month. Deeps enjoys reading on his now twice as long commute. So that part isn’t great. And we’re saving money on gas, but spending it on combo passes. Oddly enough, we’re spending about the same amount of money on the T passes as we did on gas. So that’s some indication that we don’t drive all that much.
We took a few slow weekends at home to finish up projects around the house. Painting is finished, trim is touched up and I think we’ve started to prep the yard for Fall planting.
All in all it could have been worse: insurance has covered everything, we weren’t hurt, we've done a lot of reading on the bus (and train) and I am still keeping my fingers crossed that there’ll be little painted flames on the side of the Matrix. Please pimp my ride.
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, August 08, 2006 at Tuesday, August 08, 2006 | |
Or are we mice?I stumbled out of bed very early on Sunday morning. I’m not sure why – it just happens like that sometimes. Often, a furry intruder is involved – a gentle chomp on the foot or a howl in my ear.
But on this bright morning I woke up to find the Poopus camped out in one of her top five favorite sleeping spots. She was parked under the skylight, basking in the sun. As I washed my face I heard something making a kind of scraping noise.
First I look at Poopus, she is zoned out on the floor. Then I look up to see little sparrows pecking at window screen. We’d left the skylight open in the bathroom and the sparrows had popped under the glass to mess around the screen. Now I know why the cat enjoys napping under that window.
And after
reading about a similar story (but louder and slightly more disturbing) I’ll never open the skylight over the bed again.
By: Alyssa | Monday, August 07, 2006 at Monday, August 07, 2006 | |
A thousand wordsI’m not sure what to say about this story in the
LA Times (well worth the hassle of free registration) – it is both fascinating, terrifying and disturbing all at once.
It’s not quite the greatest story ever told but ye gods, it is a really good read. And the reporter – she deserves a medal
By: Alyssa | at Monday, August 07, 2006 | |
You’ll never kill a good ideaI know a lot of you are worried that we were baking to death.
Or worse – we were starting to smell.
I know dozens of you would wake up each morning thinking, “My God is that weird blog lady on the Internet and her husband still alive?”
The answer is yes.
We lived. We are currently still alive.
I’ve been drinking delicious vodka tonics and that seems to have helped. But the biggest change has been the actual cool front. The heat wave is over. For now. I think. I hope.
Of course, now that the heat wave is over, I think I might have a harder time getting people to go to see Talladega Nights. There’s a hot day to stupid movie ratio that sometimes gets out of whack when the day is nice and not 9,000 degrees.
If only there were some explosions or something. And lasers. And giant spiders. That would spell summer blockbuster.
Clearly, my brain has partially melted.
By: Alyssa | Thursday, August 03, 2006 at Thursday, August 03, 2006 | |
Foot in mouthWhat is that you’re wearing?
Oh these? It’s going to be over 100 today. I’m just trying to wear something cool.But aren’t those gauchos?
I think of them as long shorts. They are thin, cotton shorts.But they are gauchos.
I call them jams. I wore jams in school.
When? In the third grade?
I think it was the fourth grade. They were a Hawaiian print. I thought
you hate gauchos. I do – don’t you think they look kind of unflattering on me?They don’t look that bad.
But they don’t look good.Not the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.
I’ll take that. During my commute my hair will be drenched with sweat, my make-up will have melted away and I should have worked up a good stink. The overall ugliness of my pants is the least of my concerns.I’m sorry you have to wear those gauchos.
Jams.I’m still sorry.
Not as sorry as I am.
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, August 02, 2006 at Wednesday, August 02, 2006 | |
