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I think I’ll call him Rags

I bought a Christmas tree this year. I had a little artificial tree that was pretty cute when I decked her out for the holidays. I’m not sure what happened to it. We didn’t decorate last year and then we moved – poor tree could be anywhere. I still had the three boxes of Christmas paraphernalia that belonged with the tree. I went searching for a tree.

Trees are easy to come by in New England. I opted for a small artificial tree. I do this for two reasons: 1) I have a dumb cat viciously attacks any living foliage in the house that she can reach and 2) I get tired of dealing with sap, water, droopy pine needles and the never-ending fear that I have a tree that a bird is hiding out in.

I hit the local discount store, to find an acceptable, artificial tree. And like all of my shopping endeavors – I went in with very specific requirements. I wanted something that was attractive, without any pre-lit features (fiber optic trees are awful), I wanted green and not fake frosty snow, and I wanted something between three and four feet tall. I found something that fit the bill – or so I thought. I didn’t see the actual tree displayed, but a close approximation. Or so I thought.

We waited a few days before setting up the tree. The tree is pretty... well, it’s sad. It’s like the Charlie Brown Christmas special tree. Except that tree was real. This tree is fake. It has no excuse for looking so badly. Deeps tried to be supportive and we pulled and tugged and twisted little wire branches to cover the tree’s pathetic nakedness. I suggested that if we strung hundreds of lights and ornaments on it, the tree would look better.

It does not. To add insult to injury, the tree lights now only partially work and it’s got a split-color thing going. The top of the tree is blue and the bottom of the tree is purple. The ornaments are okay – the tree is lopsided and even the cat has shown no interest in it.

After we finished coaxing some holiday cheer (or acceptable substitute) from the tree – we stood back and appraised our handiwork. I said it looked a bit better.

Deeps summed up the appearance of the tree like this, “What’s the matter boy, are you sick? Aww... you’ll be okay. I think I’ll call you Rags.”

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, December 18, 2002 at Wednesday, December 18, 2002 | |

Happy freakin’ birthday
It was my birthday. Yaay. Now I’m the prime age for using acne cream simultaneously with wrinkle cream all while fending off emails messages, phone calls and faxes from various members of my family asking, “When are you going to have a baby?”

Well, I’m happy to make the announcement here. I’m planning on getting pregnant sometime in the fall of Never.

Shout out to Amazon
Thanks for getting all my Christmas gifts to the right people all gift-wrapped and with a bow. I ordered everything in November just to be on the safe side – we’ve a few incidents in the past and I didn’t want a nasty repeat of the year when Deeps present didn’t come until Dec. 28. That was a bad scene and I did vow never to shop with you again.

But after yelling and threats and hate-filled emails you made up for it and I thank you.

By the way, my parents want to thank you for making sure that I received my birthday gift from my wish list in a really timely manner. My presents haven’t shown up yet and my birthday was only a week ago. Aren’t I lucky?

And while I’m rounding out the bitter
Thank you Boston for being such a bunch of whiners about the weather. Today it was 25 degrees and you’d think hell has literally frozen over. It's all over the news. People are going crazy. Put on a sweater and quit your crying. This is hardly frigid – it’s barely freezing. Just a scant few years ago (okay, more than a decade) I still had to go to classes when the actual air temperature was –37. That wasn’t wind chill people.

Every girl’s dream
I’m officially an turning into an old, bitter crank that is well on her way to being an old, childless, bitter crank with more than one cat. Thankfully Deeps has implemented a one-cat policy, but I think I could force the issue if I wanted.

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By: Alyssa | Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at Tuesday, December 17, 2002 | |

I should really write more

It’s something I’ve been pushing myself to do on a regular basis. The blog seemed like a good solution. But I’ve been pretty bad about it since moving. And frankly, I got sick about writing the same boring crap. Boston’s weird – it’s hot – it’s cold – kids are weird. (Although, about once per week I see someone riding a bike and smoking a cigarette, which is a phenomenon I’ve only witnessed in Boston.) But, whatever. Boring. I thought it was boring and annoying and unimaginative – and I’m terribly narcissistic and write about myself. That’s not a good sign.

I don’t have much more to report now. So I’ve decided to take a new approach. I’m going to make stuff up. Or maybe I won’t – but I’m expanding my horizons so that what you read here may or may not be true. My only criteria is that whatever I right be either interesting or funny or both.

I set such low expectations...

Speaking of narcissistic
I flew back to the old homestead for Thanksgiving. My younger sister has lines on her face. Whoo hoo! Let’s here it for moisturizing...

That’s my only advice people – if you’re over 25, you should moisturize regularly. You’ll thank me later. Trust me.

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at Wednesday, December 04, 2002 | |

Get ready – here come the Halloweeners
For the past 5 Halloweens, Deeps and I have lived across the street from The Home (our term) – a fine, in-patient facility for people who appear to be.... let’s say a bit out of touch with reality. No one seemed dangerous or menacing. There were a lot of colorful outfits and language. Sometimes there was spitting – I was concerned for a couple of days and then I just kinda forgot about it.

The Home made our neighborhood a little different from the other posher parts of Evanston. The rents stayed lower for a lot longer, you could usually find street parking, and there weren’t tons of kids running around all the time. And no kids meant there were no trick-or-treaters on Oct. 31.

Those days are over
All that’s changed since we moved to MA. Apparently we live in what I can only think of as the Bermuda Triangle of fertility. People are inexplicably drawn here to nest and breed. And they don’t just have a small passel of children – they have lots of children simultaneously. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so many twin and triplet strollers in a place with such narrow sidewalks. They’re everywhere.

So, now that we live in kid-friendly neighborhood (without The Home to discourage them) – we will have Halloweeners this year. I thought we were okay – I’d pick up a few bags of candy from CVS. I am completely out of my league.

The people down the street have their yard tricked out (how punny!) with lights, animatronic thingeys, ghosts, goblins, witches and hundreds of electronic and real jack-o-lanterns. I have a partially illuminating porch light.

I know I need candy. I chatted with some office colleagues – one on each coast actually, and was advised I should get at least 2 bags by my friend in California. When I asked my colleague from a nearby neighborhood he advised I get at least half a metric ton of nougat and chocolate to appease the hordes that will head my way.

This may be more complicated than I thought.

Luckily, I think most of the kids will come to our house early – which is a bummer because I don’t get home before dark. Plus, my husband can look kinda menacing – okay, he can look surly... okay, he can look annoyed – at a whim, so maybe that will deter the kids.

Either way, my 2 crappy bags of no-name candy from CVS won’t cut the mustard. I will need to be more cunning to appease the sugar-driven needs of a 6-year-old.

I’m spending way too much time thinking about this, so I’ve started bothering my husband.

This is an approximation of a conversation we had tonight..

Me: “So, should we get candy?”
Deeps: “Uhm. I guess. Won’t they come too early? We probably won’t be home.”
Me: “Maybe we can team up with our neighbors.”
Deeps: “The kids are going to hit us and the neighbors.”
Me: “Right.”
Deeps: “Just get some candy. You don’t have to go overboard.”
Me: “I have to buy a lot – the kids don’t like it when you give them like one fun-size Snickers. They want a whole handful of stuff.”
Deeps: “You’re over-thinking this. They’re not going to go all ‘Night of the Living Dead’ on us.”
Me: “Won’t they? Won’t they?”

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, October 24, 2002 at Thursday, October 24, 2002 | |

I call her fat Nokia

My mobile phone died. I feel bad about it – it took her slowly, the draining of batteries and the nightly requirement that she be re-charged. I haven’t even had her for a year! I guess that’s what happens when you’re a piece of technology. You get outdated; out get old; you get replaced.

Still, I wasn’t expecting to shell out extra cash on the fly, Friday afternoon. Luckily, I kinda knew this was coming. The phone wasn’t holding a charge for very long. My talk time had significantly decreased and the phone was dying pretty regularly. Still...

There are about 800 kinds of sexy mobiles to choose from. I saw several very small, very sleek little numbers with color display, digital cameras, audio recording, video recording, text messaging, songs, dances, little masseuses and a guy who’ll dye my hair. They were so tiny, I kept thinking of the ridiculously small phone that was the running gag in Zoolander. Yes, I did just make a Zoolander reference. I’m aware that I have a problem, don’t send email.

I settled for fat Nokia (3390). She’s not the newest model, sexiest or sleekest model. But she was cheap and pretty easy to use. Up until let’s say, the last phone, I was shelling out top-dollar for high-end mobile phones. I’m something of a gadget whore. I know - it’s a problem.

Anyway, I made what I consider to be a frugal and sensible decision when purchasing from the lower-end of the tech food chain. Basically, I just use my phone for calling people. Oddly enough, that’s what like 99% of people in the US who use their phone uses it for. (That’s my internal, gut guesstimate. That figure is, in no way, based on fact.) I’m not using it to do text messaging. I don’t organize my schedule or whatever with it. I don’t care if it has games or a calculator or can hold 98,000 personalized rings. I just call the pizza guy and my friends and my family.

Right, so I’m not the high-end user that I used to pretend to be. And now, for me, it’s fat Nokia. Seriously, it’s a fat (okay fatter) Nokia. It’s not so sleek or small. It’s probably more appealing to men (although, they’ll never admit it) because it’s not so freakin’ microscopic that they’ll constantly be searching for it. Plus it’s got a bit of heft (a whopping 4 oz) that makes it seem more like a real phone (I’m looking at you Ericsson T200).

And I caved and personalized my phone – I hated the default crappy plastic blue cover that comes with fat Nokia. She used to have a sleek goldish color cover that made her look a little more sophisticated. The blue thing looks like I just spent $100 on a toy phone. Anyway, I ordered her a sassy pink cover. Come on! Pink! Isn’t that fun! Doesn’t that make me fun! God, I’m so sad....

And the fun keeps on coming

In addition to replacing my phone in the past few days, I had to buy a new PDA just a few weeks ago. My Handspring pooped out (she didn’t want to sync anymore, ever!) and thanks to their crappy customer service ($20 for a call please) – I opted to abandon them and return to the Palm fold. Now, Palm has caught on with the whole USB syncing thing (yaay!) and the expansion card thing. They’ve also dropped prices and created a sleeker machine.

I bought my Palm M125 the day before Palm debuted the new Zire. I might have considered the Zire, except that it doesn’t have quite as much memory as I prefer. Otherwise, it’s simple and stripped down interface makes it really appealing. Again, I thought about merging my Mobile phone with my PDA – it’s just that the solutions are kinda clunky.

Sadly, my electronics-buying spree isn’t over. The multi-function machine we bought in April got damaged in the move – by whom is up for discussion – but it’s not working on 2 of it’s 3 functions and so we’ll be spending some quality time (and coin) to buy a replacement. My spending knows no ends. Luckily, that newly formed joint account will come in handy....

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By: Alyssa | Sunday, October 20, 2002 at Sunday, October 20, 2002 | |

The smellening

Yes. I do know that smellening is not a word. Anyway.

There's a stinky sandwich eater in my office. She or he must sit near me or, possibly, close to a big vent which quickly distributes the horrible whiff of the day to me.

About two weeks ago the big stink started. The woman who sat next to me cracked out a smelly meat (I'm guessing baloney or possibly pimento loaf) sandwich around 11:30 am. She quietly shoveled it into her mouth in about 10 minutes and proceeded to work for the rest of the day.

I must have some hypersensitive olfactory nerve because I can't make it for the 10 minutes required for her to consume the smelliest sandwich ever made. Frequently, I go hide in the bathroom (another stinky place) or in the hall or wander over by the fax machine or something. Sometimes I'm trapped on the phone during a conference call and just put my head down on my desk and try to think of Christmas.

Back to the stinkmaster - she (of great stinky, baloney sandwiches) doesn't sit at the desk next to me anymore. I'm not sure where she is. I haven't detected the stink for about a week.

The stink strikes back
Today that changed. The smell hit me hard and fast - I actually gasped (loudly) when it hit me. It's like old baloney, rotty egg salad and moldy onions combined with some weird bread. My nose, it suffers so.

I’m not sure what to do, but I know I’m going to have to move forward in some way or switch careers. Apparently I’m well on my way to being able to work with rotting corpses on small children with very nasty diapers.

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, October 17, 2002 at Thursday, October 17, 2002 | |

I ride the bus

It’s a scary new development. Since I’m giving up my car and my very short commute to work (just under 1 mile) – I’m forced to take the bus to a train, transfer to another train, and then hoof the last couple of blocks. It’s not really that bad – but the “schedule” of the MBTA leaves something to be desired. Basically, there is no schedule. Stuff just kinda shows up. If you go to the MBTA Web site you can see a schedule. But, like the driving laws in MA – they’re really more myth than reality.

To prove this point – the bus shows up when it’s damn well good and ready. Tonight, for example, I waited for about 45 minutes for a bus to show up at the Harvard Square station. I’m not sure why I waited so long – but I did along with lots of other people. According to the alleged schedule three buses should have come during that span. I have no idea what happened, but this one bus #73 just kept coming around and around and around.

Like from European vacation, “Look kids – Parliament! Big Ben!”

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, October 10, 2002 at Thursday, October 10, 2002 | |

No - I'm not dead. Thanks for asking.

Seriously. I'm not. I just moved - for a really long time. I packed my computer and Internet and stuff. I couldn't do anything. For like. A really. Long time. I only go the Internet back 2 weeks ago. Sorry. I'm bad. Sorry.

The move
It was relatively uneventful. We blew across the eastern part of the US with hard drive, suitcases, fire extinguisher, cat (with cat Valium), pillows, and a bag of hangers in tow (do not ask). We spent night one in Buffalo and night two in beautiful Burlington, MA. I think we ate a Chilis. It's kind of a blur.

The driving was pretty painless - we literally didn't hit traffic until I turned onto the Mass Pike sometime late one Sunday afternoon. I got stressed out and paranoid after 10 hours of driving - as I usually do - and I drove for 10 hours because my husband and I are morons. We were like, yeah, let's split up the drive. So we don't do it in shifts so that I drive for a couple of hours then he drives for a couple of hours. We drive in days. It was stupid. Don't be stupid like us.

We got to our place about 4 days ahead of the movers. That was hard, but we did spend lots of quality time figuring out where to put our furniture when it arrived and which bedroom we should sleep in and which would function as the office/guest room. Our stuff finally came - and despite a few casualties (our printer/fax/copier no longer works and the movers split my dresser in two) - we unpacked in 3 days.

The horror
The place is no longer a complete disaster. The kitchen is still a little sketchy, as is the office. I figure another Saturday of sorting and storing should take care of it.

I'm still living out of my suitcase since the place where I store clothes - my large, maple dresser is shrink-wrapped in the front hallway to keep it from coming apart. Yeah, it's full of my clothes. The moving company hasn't responded to us about the claim yet - so I'm hopeful we'll get some kind of cash settlement to cover the cost of replacing the broken items. But, I'm not holding my breath.

The unholy trinity
We had 4 (nearly 5) days to do stuff around town that didn't involve our stuff (since it hadn't arrived yet). We chose to spend this time, together, getting our cars registered, going to the RMV to get new licenses and opening bank accounts.

In Chicago, the people are unpleasant at the DMV, but I found the fine folks at the Watertown RMV (next to the Old Country Buffet) to be really friendly despite the fact that the databases went down just as we tried to get our licenses. We had to go back 2x before we got our licenses.

What do they call Mass drivers again?
I didn't have to take a test - which made me really happy. At the time, I thought I didn't have to take a test because I'm a good driver and my record reflects that. In the 2 weeks since I got my license, I've changed my mind about the test thing. I believe they don't administer tests because there's nothing to test - there are no laws or rules of the road here in MA. It's every frickin' person for herself.

I really should have been more suspicious when the tow-truck driver who delivered my car (seriously, we weren't going to drive 2 cars across America) told me to just always keep moving when I'm in the car.

"If you're in those rotaries, you just keep going - never stop. And remember, the people moving have the right of way."

Sure, it's good advice. And I was struck by the driver's advice mostly because we had just chatted about how we just came from Chicago. People drive in Chicago - I regularly drove in Chicago. It's got the 3rd worst traffic in the US. But this dude from Boston thought I just fell off the turnip truck.

I have encountered this behavior regularly. Apparently, Boston is the 2nd largest city in America - only in the minds of Bostonians.

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By: Alyssa | Monday, October 07, 2002 at Monday, October 07, 2002 | |

Hot Chicago
We were right! Someone finally noticed this weird Chicago heatwave phenomenon besides Deeps and me.

In fact he, Deeps, passed along a link to this short article today about the hugely mysterious and largely unreported weather experience in Chicago. Every year dozens of people die and no one really knows why – seems like the deaths could surely be prevented. What the article doesn’t cover is why Chicago is the epicenter for such deadly heat.

Again, I’m a bad blogger
We went on an apartment-hunting trip in Boston last week and I’ve been swamped with the details to manage. Setting up house across the country isn’t an uncomplicated process. Regardless, we’ve got a place and we’re dealing – which frees me up to do a bit more writing. Sadly, no one really cares.

Apartments for you
I made this big checklist that was very useful for my apartment search, so I included it on the List of Lists. If you’d like to visit it directly, just go here.

Music to my ears
And by popular demand, I’ve added the Music List (it’s really short) to the List of Lists.

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, July 31, 2002 at Wednesday, July 31, 2002 | |

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
I promise I'll write about something that doesn't have anything to do with babies, the heat, or moving to Boston.

Until then, Two things
I realize in a few short weeks I’ll be without a home and without a job. I’m starting to wonder how this happened. Well, I guess in fairness I’ll have a home – thanks to a little fact-finding/hunting trip for an apartment we’ve squeezed in for a short portion of next week.

Apartment hunting is always a treacherous adventure even in the best of circumstances. We won’t be looking under the best of circumstances – we’re in and out of Boston in a few days and need to hand over a sum of money that most Chicagoans would consider to be obscene. Still, the more I roll the numbers around in my head, the easier it becomes to delude myself into thinking it’s really not that much. Really.

Okay, I guess that was really just one thing. It’s just a big thing on my mind – without any links.

Music
A friend asked me about music and if I had a music list. Sadly, I’m really backwards in this area. If left to my own devices I would own like 5 CDs. Deeps is our resident music lover and expert – as much as anyone is an expert at anything in our house. Yes, my husband has a huge music collection that is as wide and varied as his reasons for marrying me.

Honestly, his CD collection has brought much music and light and joy into our house – we have an interesting soundtrack to our lives. Right now we’re listening to Clem Snide's The Ghost of Fashion which I really like. It’s kinda funky and something of a bizarre twangy (not country) sensibility that I kinda like.

Anyway, there will be a music list shortly – primarily driven by a request from the outside world and the input of Deeps. Soon, very soon – there shall be another list.

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at Wednesday, July 17, 2002 | |

The New Baby!
No, it’s not my baby – sheesh. Easy with the pressure, people.

My sister, Kelly, gave birth on Friday afternoon to a bouncing baby girl. She’s a cutie too! Little Ainsley joins the ranks with her cousins Alexa (AKA Wild Child) and Christian (AKA Wild Child too) to round out the myriad of grandchildren/nieces/nephews (depending on where you fall in the family tree).

Everyone is fine and doing well at home – but due to the excitement and overall brouhaha surrounding her arrival, I’ve neglected the blog. While it’s not my baby, I’d say it’s at least as demanding as a plant.

The New Apartment!
For those who are worried about whether or not I’ll have to live a box – fear not – I have scheduled a visit to Boston to find a residence. The nice thing is that someone picks up the tab. The bad thing is that I’ll have to give away all of my money. Thems the breaks.

For anyone who is looking for an apartment, please feel free to use my handy apartment checklist. I use it for “screening” apartments before determining if it’s even worth the bother of looking at them. I have other checklists for actually visiting the apartment. I’m scary with my checklists.

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By: Alyssa | Monday, July 15, 2002 at Monday, July 15, 2002 | |

My $4000 apartment.
So as you may know, Deeps and I are relocating. That’s fine – we’re planning and trying to be ready. But damn, Boston - why so much money? I thought it would be nice to live in the City, but I’m trying to figure out how we can afford it... I may have to pay double the rent I pay now for a place that’s smaller. Plus I’ll have to pay for heat and parking – things that were included in my previous rent total...

I know, it’s expensive in lots of places – but we live in the 3rd largest city in America. We’re no slouches – how did Boston get to be so much more expensive? We’re not pig farmers and ranch hands, we’re smart and savvy business people with a thriving community and theatres and music and museums and history and a GREAT LAKE for Pete’s sake!

Anyway, it’s expensive and I’m worried we’ll have to live in a hole with all of our stuff. That would be so sad.

HOT! HOT! Seriously, it’s hot!
We have a little heatwave going. I think we’re in Day 3 of it. I’m not sure if this happens in other cities – but sometime around day 3 or 4 of a serious heatwave, you start to hear stories on the news about people who have – essentially – baked to death in their own apartments.

It’s a sad, sad fact and it happens every single summer. We get these ozone action days, the heat index is over 100 degrees and people bake to death. I don’t know why it happens – I know the city of Chicago sends out hordes of people to prevent it and plans are in place to provide cooling centers. So, if you’re in Chicago and don’t have AC – go to a police station or fire station or public library to rest up. Drink your fluids and pray for rain. Looks like the heat will continue for a few more days.

My Sweaty Day Adventures
The AC in my office failed over the weekend so the poor schlubs who arrived to work on Monday morning (me included) got a big smack of hot in the face. We had a little sweating party that lasted until this morning when the AC got a bit more stabilized. You take a little thing like AC in your cushy office for granted.

I will say that those Lever wipes - which really are just big moist towellettes - are fantastic and helped to keep me from being overly ripe on my drive home yesterday. Small favors... small favors.

I know I’m not the only one suffering from the big heat and I could prattle on and on, but I found that Sars does it much better than I could. Her anti-heat rant is snort-worthy...

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By: Alyssa | Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at Tuesday, July 02, 2002 | |

FAQ! FAQ! FAQ!
You probably don't believe it - but I have one! Sometimes people send in questions, so I drafted a FAQ. See if your questions are answered. If they're not - send them my way!

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By: Alyssa | Saturday, June 29, 2002 at Saturday, June 29, 2002 | |

Big Fraud
I like to read. You may not have guessed that if you’re a regular reader and see how much I drone on and on about DVDs and movies and the like. So? I like pop culture and I love to read.

I’ve been on a little reading binge – it usually happens in the summer – and I just finished up a couple of books. One of the books is by David Rakoff and his book of short essays is called "Fraud". The essays are sharply written memoirs of Rakoff’s experiences as a writer and sometime-reporter. Now, I realize that this kind of young, pithy, urban memoir has become the new hot sub-genre – but that doesn’t mean these books should be disregarded.

I loved David Sedaris’ books – culminating in the brilliant “Me Talk Pretty One Day." I read that book while riding public transportation around Chicago and laughed out loud on the train daily. People who sat near me would invariably ask what was so funny. And "Holidays on Ice" is the funniest and most bitter book of short fiction (well, sorta fiction) I’ve ever read. I live for mean funny - it’s a weakness for me.

Besides the short essays, I picked up a book of a different kind of essays – a form that’s near and dear to me – the list. I read "The Book of Movie Lists" by Joseph McBride from the middle to the end and from the middle to the front. I love books like that – you can just start from any place and plow on through. It’s hilarious and odd and fascinating and if you’re a film lover, you’ll really appreciate the book. And because the essays (and lists – mostly lists) are short and highly readable you can pick it up anytime and spend a few minutes perusing before moving on to something else. Like another book....

I think it’s a nice piece to add to your film book collection. It’s on my shelf next to "Creature Features" and the Videohound guide to 2001.

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, June 26, 2002 at Wednesday, June 26, 2002 | |

Hot as hell outside? DVD heaven inside...
Since it is so bloody hot out, I decided to turn on the AC from hastily installed window units and lounge around watching DVDs I bought a few weeks ago. Deeps and I splashed out lavishly on the Mr. Show series (2 disc set), Buffy season two and Oz season one. I wasn’t really interested in Oz, but Deeps likes the soapy drama, so we picked it up. Anyway, today was Mr. Show day.

I don’t think we watched all of the episodes – but we did watch about 3 hours of fine sketch comedy. For the price, you can’t beat the DVD set. I think it cost about $25 and if you’ve got a twisted sense of humor, you’re guaranteed a good time. The 2-disc set covers the first two seasons of the HBO series. The first few episodes are a little weak, but get better pretty fast. And even the weaker episodes are better than most things you’ll see on TV – especially some of the comedy that HBO tries to force on an unsuspecting public (Arli$$, I’m looking at you!).

The extras are nice – you can see some of the truly bizarre promos that Bob Odenkirk and David Cross filmed for the show. And of course there’s commentary. The commentary is hilarious – if not always clear. Odenkirk was badly miked for part of the first disk, so he’s hard to hear. But Cross is always clear, as are other members of the Mr. Show cast who show up during the later commentary sessions.

Cross and Odenkirk also dip in and out of character during the commentaries – voicing the likes of an overblown acting coach and a frumpy southern lady. The southern lady, as voiced by Cross, was particularly alarming to Deeps. He thought David Cross’ performance was a little too perfect and was therefore, creepy.

The other great bonus is a clip from “Fuzz: The musical” which features the eponymous Ronnie Dobbs. Ronnie is the character performed by David Cross who is famous for being the most arrested man on the television show “Cops.” Cross and Odenkirk made a film about Dobbs called “Run, Ronnie, Run” – the film is in the can, edited and in distribution hell with New Line, the people who brought you Lord of the Rings.

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By: Alyssa | Sunday, June 23, 2002 at Sunday, June 23, 2002 | |

Life and Death in Chicago
So we drove to Indiana this weekend. It was really hot. We saw my parents – which was nice – and they congratulated us in person on our elopement. We hung out, visited, ate, slept and drove back to Chicago. We hit massive traffic on LSD (that’s Lake Shore Drive for those in the know) and spent more than an hour trying to get home once we hit the drive. It was a long wait, a huge delay and we were a little puzzled...we learned later what happened.

The Cubs game was cancelled due to the death of St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Darryl Kile.

It surely wasn’t the only death in Chicago this weekend – but it was the one you heard about most for the rest of Saturday. That is until the Tribune announced the death of a little woman named Eppie, better known to the world as Ann Landers.

So we had two high-profile deaths of celebrities and sports heroes in our humble burg in less than 12 hours of each other. Given the heat wave we’re in, I expect more people will succumb to the heat. They will not be famous celebrities.

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By: Alyssa | at Sunday, June 23, 2002 | |

We're moving!
Deeps got a fabulous job in Boston, and since we’re officially Husband-and-Wife – we’re moving. I supported his job hunt efforts and support the move to Boston. Of course, now there’s the big list of everything that follows accepting a job in a city 1500 miles from where you live.

We’ve got to find a place and that is always painful and complicated (for us). Luckily, we’ve banished any thoughts of trying to buy something on the fly. But since we’re renting for at least another year, I’ve opted to avoid all charming, vintage buildings and go for some newly constructed super-structure of an apartment building.

Don't get me wrong, I love my vintage apartment – but I have grown disillusioned with old wiring and leaky plumbing. When a place is 90 years old, you’ve got to expect problems. So, when we go to Boston we’re looking for something good with closets, and AC and a dishwasher...ah...a dishwasher. Dare to dream!

Below is a list of links the nice people at the relocation office sent us for finding apartments in Boston...
bostonapartments.com
boston.com
apartments.com
bostonhomes.com
apartmentaccess.com
looksmart.com
bostonforrent.com

Job Hunt 2002 begins
The only thing that will be tougher than finding a place to live is finding a job. As Deeps explores his new opportunities, I’ll have to give up a really great job here in Chicago. But I’m confident I’ll find another great job in Boston.

And so, I’m kicking off Job Hunt 2002 – Look out Boston, here I come. But for now, here’s my resume.

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, June 20, 2002 at Thursday, June 20, 2002 | |

About DVD Players
I write a lot about movies I watch and frequently reference DVDS. I thought I should explain my position on DVDs. I caved in – finally – and purchased a DVD Player about 8 months ago. I bought a cheap APEX machine that ran about $80 and plays just about every type of video and music format. I did a bit of research and concluded that I could probably do okay with the cheapie thing.

And I’ve been pretty happy with it. The initial outlay of money was limited and we rented a few movies to get started – I’ve been hooked ever since. I’m a sucker for the extras and the quality and the extras. I am also delighted at the huge catalog of stuff available – readily available – on DVD that I haven’t been able to find on VHS. Stuff I’ve only heard about but never found in my video store is easily found at just about any discount store that carries DVDs.

So, if you don’t have a DVD player and you’re thinking about getting one – going the cheapie route isn’t such a bad idea. The thing to remember about VCRs and TVs (and DVD players) is that they work for a while and then eventually they need to be replaced. I’m not sure if you’ll get a longer life out of a fancier and more expensive model. But I’m sure if you’re a movie fan you’ll get plenty of enjoyment out of whatever model you buy to make it worth your while.

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By: Alyssa | Friday, June 14, 2002 at Friday, June 14, 2002 | |

Alternative film selections
I’ve seen a few flicks over the past few months – and thought I’d throw out a few names. First, I’d say that Donnie Darko is worth catching on DVD (or VHS if you don't have the DVD). Deeps and I saw it during its very limited run – I think it was only in Chicago for a week. We were blown away by the creepy, yet very compelling film. It’s not quite a genre film and not quite a drama – it’s something else, which I think is quite good.

Taboo – which is a Japanese film – is also worth seeking out on video. It’s a moody, atmospheric period piece about a Samurai training camp turned on it’s ear when a mysterious young man joins the order. Not your typical Samurai film, but that’s what makes it interesting.

Session 9 – which I’ve written about in the past – is a really dark, and effective thriller. It’s creepy, it gives you chills and I think it sticks with you after you finish watching it. It works like a very smart, haunted house movie on a grand scale without overreaching.

AFI – oh the AFI of it all
So the AFI published another top 100 list. I was underwhelmed by the last 30 or so choices, but I think that these lists serve a good purpose. If it inspires someone to go check out some fantastic old film that they might not have seen – like It Happened One Night or Bringing up Baby or Two for the Road – then I support it. However, I do support it under a bit of protest since Titanic was included in the survey...ick.

Speaking of lists
I also found a list from Jonathan Rosenbaum is a very fine critic from the Chicago Reader. He’s been writing about film for years and was present for Johnny Guitar when we saw it a few weeks ago. He spoke about Nick Ray, whom he met late in his life, and had tons of interesting comments and insights into the film. His stuff is always a good read.

And of course, there’s my short list of films you should see before you die – Volume 1. I just kinda came up with the list off the top of my head – sorry, I left out most good foreign films as they don’t float at the top of my head. I usually have to look those titles up. But, thanks to the popular demand of up to 3 people – I plan on adding Volume 2 very soon.

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, June 13, 2002 at Thursday, June 13, 2002 | |

Nicholas Ray
I live fairly close to Northwestern University and from time to time Deeps mentions something going on at the university that’s worth checking out. Usually it’s days after some celeb like has made an appearance – like Jon Stewart. I’m still trying to get over that.

Anyway, he got all excited about 6 weeks ago and started making entries into the calendar hanging in the kitchen to mark the start of the Nicholas Ray Retrospective at a small theater on campus.

Now, for those who aren’t familiar with the work of Nick Ray – he’s a director who made a ton of films spanning about 3 or 4 decades and he made some really famous and fabulous films like Rebel without a Cause and In a Lonely Place, and Johnny Guitar. He also made some lesser-known, but still amazing, films like On Dangerous Ground, Wind across the Everglades and Bigger than Life.

We caught three films in the retrospective. Deeps was especially excited about Bigger than Life which is an odd film about the sorts of nasty feelings bubbling below the surface of an all-American family in the 50s. James Mason stars as a mild-mannered schoolteacher who becomes overwhelmed by delusions of grandeur – a side effect of medication he needs to fend off a fatal disease.

It’s not a wildly original conceit (at least our modern era) but the freshness that both Ray and Mason bring to the film is fantastic – I was disappointed we didn’t get to finish the film. Sadly the print was in bad shape, the sound failed at different points before the film finally broke about an hour in. After waiting for a while with no luck, we bailed.

Bigger than Life isn’t available on video or DVD and is rarely screened – but if you happen to come across it, I’d encourage you to spend some time with it. I know that I’ll keep my eye out for it in the future.

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By: Alyssa | Tuesday, June 11, 2002 at Tuesday, June 11, 2002 | |

It’s not just about not sleeping
So on the last day of our honeymoonlet, there was a massive storm in the area and it rained all day. Deeps and I opted to spend our rainy day together at the movies. Yes, it was the magnificent Summer Double Feature. We saw Insomnia and Undercover Brother.

First – Insomnia...
It was a fine film – not great or mesmerizing like last summer’s Memento – but a fine film nonetheless. I’ve seen the original, a moody Norwegian drama with a different beginning and end. And more importantly the Norwegian film does not star Al Pacino or Robin Williams.

I haven’t been a fan of Pacino’s since Serpico. I think Serpico is a fine film mostly because Pacino sports a man-purse. You know, in the 70s when men tried to carry purses for all of their stuff. Serpico is also a compelling police procedural – but I really love it for the overt use of the man-purse.

As for Williams, I last really enjoyed him in Mork and Mindy. Sure, I smiled at his ham-fisted performance in Good Will Hunting. But I wasn’t really won over. Critics have praised the film for the understated performances of both Pacino and Williams. I credit Chris Nolan for that work – but I’m not sure it’s enough to save the film. Just because Williams and Pacino decide not to chew the scenery and behave on screen does not make the film a four-star feature.

Nolan, the director of Insomnia, has a lot of potential and I think his attempts to bring a pretty dark (despite the near white conditions of the original) and moody piece to mainstream American audiences is daring. But I think the Hollywood ending is a cop-out and ultimately his version is a little too black and white.

Now, for a different kind of black and white I’d suggest seeing Undercover Brother. It was a good choice to follow Insomnia because it’s a light and hilarious send-up of spy and blaxploitation films. Eddie Griffin gives an inspired performance as a man who isn’t afraid to show the love for his big hair, his big car, his big shoes and his Big Gulp. There isn’t much plot to speak of – the film is a series of vignettes designed to inspire deep belly laughs. I thought it delivered...

Everyone is great but I thought the film was the first time I’ve seen Chris Kattan be really funny and Neil Patrick Harris – formerly Doogie Howser – break out as the Caucasian Culture Expert, Lance.

Chi McBride and Dave Chappelle are especially effective as The Chief and Conspiracy Brother (respectively) complete with 3 days of stubble, a bad attitude and a boatload of beautifully recycled dialogue from every cop movie made since Beverly Hills Cop.

I might say skip Insomnia until it comes out on DVD, I’m sure Nolan’s commentary would be illuminating. But for a good summer film that will leave your sides a little sore, I’d say don’t skip over Undercover Brother.

A good, cheap laugh
Deeps and I made something of a pact to try to get a good laugh in everyday. He told me about a bit from Late Night with Conan O'Brien featuring Triumph the Insult Comic (dog) heckling some Star Wars fans. Sounds kinda funny, but when he dug up the link and showed me the clip -- I was rolling. So, if you're looking for a cheap laugh-- all you've got to do is click.

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, June 06, 2002 at Thursday, June 06, 2002 | |

Live - from the Gallery

I've updated my photo gallery -- it's something of an ongoing photo essay of things I see around Chicago. The recent updates include a few photos from my honeymoonlet and of a few recent adventures around the museum campus.

The photos are usually taken with my digital camera, which I have to say isn't bad given it's paltry $50 price tag. Vive les bargains!

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By: Alyssa | Tuesday, June 04, 2002 at Tuesday, June 04, 2002 | |

We did it!

We made it official – after all these years, lo it has been many – Deeps and I eloped on Saturday.

We chose to visit a beautiful courthouse where we had a short, but very sweet ceremony complete with our own personal photographer (or paparazzi, depending on who you ask). Afterwards we shared breakfast with friends (paparazzi included) and then went about a casual – but very hot – Saturday afternoon. Later we had a BBQ where many friends were able to join us to celebrate. It was simple, it was cheap, it was on the fly – but we had a fabulous time.

Next year we’re planning a more formal affair – I’m not exactly sure what’s involved. More to follow later.

As for now, I’ve been married for about 60 hours and so far it’s pretty okay. Actually, I’ll admit – neither of us feels different.

We decided to do the low-key honeymoon (really just a long weekend) in the greater Chicago area – is there a greater place? We stayed at the Palmer House, which is really gorgeous. We had a fantastic day today at the Art Institute and caught the last day of the Ansel Adams exhibit (it was okay), the Irving Penn nudes (good!) and the small gallery of Manuel Bravo (my favorite!).

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By: Alyssa | Monday, June 03, 2002 at Monday, June 03, 2002 | |

A thousand words for “tired”

I’m not sure I’ve been this tired in a while. I’ve just come off a three-day weekend with my six-year-old niece and I’m totally wiped out and broke.

We went to Chuckee Cheese (ugh). We went to the lakefront (it was 40 degrees and windy), we walked around, we went to the Field Museum, we saw dinosaurs, we ate Chinese food on State St. with my sister – Kelly. We bought books, we rode the “el” and we ate Mexican food. We did facials, we read the books, we watched cartoons and we (okay, she) ate a giant pancake covered in whipped cream.

Okay, Deeps and I ate Mexican food, Lex at french fries. She also loudly proclaimed that the food was "nasty" even though it wasn't. And since we were regulars at the restaurant, I found myself apologizing to several people and leaving a 30% tip.

And I guess I could expand on the whole Chinese food thing, we ate Chinese and she at mac & cheese. A six-year-old child from Central Indiana should be a little more hip to food beyond the basic starches. I don’t think she ate anything that wasn’t starch now that I think about it. I don’t think she ate any vegetables.

I guess that makes me a bad weekend parent. Figures.

I also swore in the car, but not as much as I usually do. I think I failed this weekend’s experiment. However, Deeps however got an A+.

Now I rest. Later I will blog.

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By: Alyssa | Sunday, May 19, 2002 at Sunday, May 19, 2002 | |

Water, water everywhere
This morning the TV was still on “Court TV” when I turned it on. Apparently Deeps was watching “Homicide” in the wee hours. Anyway, in the wee hours after daybreak, Court TV shows “The Hour of Power.” I have to admit that I watched for a bit mostly because I know I haven’t blogged for a week and it would be easy fodder.

I was right. Apparently the people at Oral Roberts University need $1MM to redirect a creek (that looks more like a drainage ditch) and rebuild a bridge to prevent future flooding of some building on the campus. Apparently we the people of TV land need to pray for the insurance company because they’ve deemed it necessary to cancel the University’s flood insurance policy after a flood did many dollars in damage.

Oh and we should pray for 800 people to pay $1000 so they can put their name on the bridge to mark their donation – the donation of course will help pay for the new bridge’s construction.

I think this is all weird. I’m not linking to any of these people – if you want to find out how to give I’m afraid you’ll have to do your own search.

I just enjoyed watching the guy in a suit (not Oral himself) walk around and map out the changes in the landscape, kinda like that landscape guy on HGTV. I might have been confused about whether or not it was one of those garden makeover shows – if not for the flashing 800 number where a Visa or MasterCard donation could ensure my spot in heaven. Or at least my name on a bridge.

Atwitter
Babies are tough – but I’m starting to think baby showers are tougher. We’re holding my sister’s shower in a few weeks and I’m not sure we’re going to pull it off. First, no one is officially hosting it – which is a huge problem when organizing. I’m supposed to help plan it but the chief coordinator is no where to be seen and I think I’m going to be roped into cooking. Gads!

And to top it all off, after a prolonged period of serious negotiation, I’m flying to NJ immediately after the shower to attend an engagement party that my future in-laws are hosting. I think it’ll be okay – as long as I can say nice things to myself.

Apparently I’m not the only one who worries about showers – there’s a list of dos and don’ts every shower attendee should follow. And of course the obligatory questions to someone who probably aspires to be like Martha.

Spider-man, Spider-man pt. 2
I’ve been thinking about Spider-man. I have to admit that I was a tiny bit disappointed. But, I’ll live. Anyway, as for Sam Raimi’s distinct visual style – I can describe it like something that floats along just under the surface of the water and pops up from time to time to remind you that he’s there.

The opening credits are strongly reminiscent of Raimi’s opening sequences in both Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness (both are fine films). And the scene where Peter Parker wracks his brains to develop his Spidey costume is like – I’ll call it an homage – to the scene where Ash builds a catapult in Army of Darkness. It’s just a few things – the swinging through the canyons, the unexpected splat in the wall – a la Bruce Campbell -- made me laugh.

I think Raimi wanted to have fun and I think he did. I just thought the film lost steam part way through (sometime after the confrontation between Parker and the carjacker). I didn’t see much of the same giddy joy or heart – but it was still an enjoyable flick. I’ll keep my hopes up for the sequel.

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By: Alyssa | Tuesday, May 14, 2002 at Tuesday, May 14, 2002 | |

Sadness, thy name is sweeps
So the cable never came back - well it eventually came back late last night, well after Buffy had ended. Everyone I've talked to who watched said it was good, but no one taped it.

I'm coping. Instead of watching Buffy I read magazines. I am a little behind on my readings and since I have subscriptions, the magazines keep coming. I read Vanity Fair for a while (the May issue) and I'm struck by how annoying Dominick Dunne and Gore Vidal are. Are they even relevant anymore? I'm going to say...no.

Reading crappy missives from Vidal complaining about Dunne is not the way to spend an evening. Especially when there's a perfectly good episode of Buffy to watch.

Spider-man! Spider-man!
As today is Wednesday, it can only mean that it's Wednesday night at the movies! Tonight a slightly modified group (regular Deeps is out of town, so friend John stepped in) attended an early showing of Spider-man. I didn't have crazy high expectations, but I am a fan of Sam Raimi and I was excited to see what he could do. I thought the movie was okay. It started out with just the right cringe-worthy tone as you watch poor Peter Parker stumble through adolescence. And then there were the many visuals that are Raimi hallmarks. Despite what others may say, I think Raimi has a very distinct visual style (more on that tomorrow).

Anyway, I thought the film was okay. The CGI didn't look very good to me and I felt like some of the dialogue was a little corny. But I thought it was a perfectly fine summer, popcorn movie. And it was way better than Batman & Robin. And I think it was probably better than the X-men movie.

My friend Michael hated it completely and made sure I knew that for the rest of the evening. Sometimes you pick a winner, and sometimes you don't. After a string of questionable films, I think I'm going to have to see something very different next week.

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, May 08, 2002 at Wednesday, May 08, 2002 | |

The Cable! The Cable!
So, it's sweeps, which I've written about in the past. And I'm totally psyched to see a new (and allegedly really good) episode of Buffy. I've been struggly with the series all season and finally this show is going somewhere!

But, the cable is out and I'm missing it. Horrors!

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By: Alyssa | Tuesday, May 07, 2002 at Tuesday, May 07, 2002 | |

Foodies vs. Chowhounds
I’m not so much a foodie as I am a semi-adventurous eater. I am also a semi-adventurous cook, but that’s a different entry. Deeps and I like to eat out of the house because our kitchen is too small and because we have a sea of culinary options to explore in Chicago.

I can’t say that I never eat fast food or fall back on no-brainer take-out, but I am fond of a few places that are total dives and border on creepy. You know – like the completely charmless Chinese place where it never occurs to them to offer chopsticks. There’s bad faux paneling on the walls and the lunch specials are like $4 – complete with rice, egg roll and soup? Or the place that makes really good nachos as long as the really good nacho guy is working – the guy with the mustache?

If any part of the above paragraph makes sense to you then I’d suggest visiting the Chowhound site. It’s chock full of interesting dining choices – suggestions, reviews, comments and there’s a good message board that accompanies it.

I make lists and sometimes I write letters
Dear ScottBrand:
I enjoy your Scott bathroom tissue products. I prefer to buy the tissue in packs of 12 but don’t usually buy the 12 pack because it doesn’t have a handle.

I think you should add a handle to your 12-pack of toilet tissue.


Dear Cornkob:
I noticed your license plate while I was driving around the Northshore today. Why on earth did you spend the additional $80 for a vanity license plate only to choose the term “Cornkob” for the entire world to see? I assume there is some special meaning to you – please share it with me.


Dear Olive Mountain:
I think you should go back to putting those toasted almond slivers on your rice pilaf. It’s much better with the nuts.


Dear Saks:
Thanks for the excellent service I received in your Old Orchard store last week. OH wait, this is email so you probably can’t sense my sarcasm.

The sales woman was thoroughly attentive -- watching me like a hawk but never offering me any assistance as she trailed me around the women’s department. Thanks to her excellent service and attention I decided to spend my hard-earned dollars with your competition – Nordstrom.

I hope that she didn’t judge me to be a “non-customer” because I wasn’t wearing my mink stole and tiara while trudging around an outdoor mall in the rain.

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By: Alyssa | Sunday, May 05, 2002 at Sunday, May 05, 2002 | |

Ad-tastic, part 2
It's amazing with 12 hours can do -- I found 2 different articles this morning (thanks Google!) about the Saudi ads I wrote about yesterday.

I think the Electronic Media story has the best information, but Nando does a very respectable job covering the story. I'm more interested in the EM story because of the comments by Ad execs about the nature of the ads. I agree that the ads are "tastefully done" as one anonymous exec says, but I think the overall message of the ads was really off-base.

Despite the "message" in the ad that it comes from the People of Saudi Arabia, the ad just doesn't read that way. It's overbearing and overblown - perhaps some daring agency can come up with something better?

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By: Alyssa | Friday, May 03, 2002 at Friday, May 03, 2002 | |

The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia Graciously Reminds you...
That we’re all friends – Really!

So yesterday I was flipping around trying to catch a weather report before work – you know will it be rainy or rainy and cold – when I caught part of commercial during the Today show. (Don’t judge me too harshly.)

A black screen with some white type appeared and there was a voiceover. It was something about Saudi Arabia and terrorists with a weird implication. Then the rest of the quote filled in to reveal that the quote actually said that the Saudis are good friends and close allies of the US and that they’ve gone to great lengths to stamp out terrorism. The quote was attributed to Colin Powell. Then the voiceover admonishes Americans to stop listening to nasty gossip about our good friends and to remember to keep an open mind because that’s what the Kingdom would do for us.

Huh?

Okay – I’ve kept a lot of my political opinions to myself. And I’m not a war blogger, but I will comment on this ad from a media perspective. As a member of the media, I think this ad is weird and it’s really missed the mark.

First, the voiceover (which sounded a lot like Jay Thomas) was really condescending and patronizing. To admonish us now for listening to crazy talk is wrongheaded. There’s been a lot of news coverage for a lot of years about our sometimes rocky relationship with Saudi Arabia -- so why now? And why a quote that’s more than 5 months old? And why use such a paternalistic tone? I think I said that already but it’s worth noting.

I think a more effective strategy would have been to show the similarities between your average American and your average Saudi – do we have similar wishes and hopes? Are we afraid of the same things? Are we both willing to take steps to combat terror? Personalizing the message as a message from the people of Saudi Arabia instead of from the monarchy might have been a better way to go.

Or maybe a better strategy would have been to get your press secretary moving and do a more subtle campaign to build goodwill. Advertising on the Today show just puts you in the same class as a diaper commercial or that lame “Can you hear me now?” Verizon campaigns.

And stop using Times Roman – it’s too formal. And White type on Black is so 1988. The Crown Prince should fire his ad agency and ask for a refund. It may be one of the worst decisions for an ad since that disturbing commercial that ran during the Superbowl a few years back.

I haven’t read anything about the Saudi ad and no one I talked to saw it – or at least admits to watching the Today show. Anyway, please feel free to email me your thoughts about the ad – after all, I’m just one woman with a semi-political opinion.

Tomorrow we return to the usual fluffery and delusions of grandeur.

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By: Alyssa | Thursday, May 02, 2002 at Thursday, May 02, 2002 | |

A picture is worth a thosand words
And since I don't have a thousand words, I've posted and updated a gallery of some photos I've taken recently with the much maligned "crappy digital camera."

I think she works great, but that's just me. More exciting bits to come later...

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By: Alyssa | Wednesday, May 01, 2002 at Wednesday, May 01, 2002 | |

Drive by blogging!
So I'm short on time and I've collected all of these cool links. Just think of this as another link-based installment.

I came across Adam Felber's blog - he's the guy from Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me! on NPR.

I came across this link about a video store that edits videos to be more family friendly. I think this goes way past what Blockbuster does to some films... Anyway, I think it's weird and alarming. But you know, that's the funny thing about free speech - as old Voltaire said "Your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins."

And Omar G. is up to his elbows in green stuff - you know it's gardening time for those of us who have such inclinations. I am an avid container gardener but since Deeps will be finishing up his PhD and we may relocate in the not-so-distant future I think I'm going to forego my usual giant patio of plants. But I can live vicariously through Omar....

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