Not only did I share the story of my trip to the ER, I also go to town on the best and worst in television in 2006.
Plus Derek tells me all about his super fun adventures decorating a float for the Rose Bowl Parade (honestly!). Okay - maybe it wasn't super fun. But he did do it, so if you watch the parade and see a float with a big eagle, please know that Derek worked his heart out on the right wing.
I also give a game review, explain why I'm not Shakespeare and beg for some kind of iTunes recognition.
Happy 2006 to all!
Listen to this week's podcast!
Subscribe to the podcast
with itunes.
Labels: 2006, podcast, weird stuff
By: Alyssa | Sunday, December 31, 2006 at Sunday, December 31, 2006 | | 
I've mentioned this a few times, but I have a whole passel of nieces and nephews. I start saving for Christmas in January - there are so many people and gifts to buy.
I order most of my gifts online and have them shipped to my family and everything is cool. I get my order in by the beginning of December and everything is cool I even spring for the extra few dollars for wrapping. I've been doing this for years without incident.
This year, there was an incident.
When I arrived at my Dad's house I checked under the tree for the boxes from the large online retailer I ordered from - there were two smallish boxes present. I thought this was a little odd, but I ordered a lot of kid's books so I figured they might all fit in a small box. I cracked open the first box and found one book inside. I opened the second box and found two books and a couple of DVDs. The shipping manifest suggested that all the gifts I'd ordered were in that box....
Except the box was now empty after removing about 20% of the stuff that was supposed to be in there - so either a box was missing in the house or the large online retailer didn't send my gifts even though they thought they did. Dig?
We searched the house, we searched the yard, we looked in the neighbor's yard. Nothing was to be found. Five of the kids were coming the next day, but I only had gifts for three of them. Awkward!
Eventually we got the situation resolved - three days later - and allegedly the company is shipping the replacement items to my family for distribution. Those damn things had better be wrapped too or I will demand refunds!
I was lucky that they weren't the only gifts the kids were getting, and let's be honest - I give them very boring presents. I give them books. Eventually they like my gift, but they never open my presents and scream with delight - like they did when the TMX Elmo was unveiled.
That's cool kids - I understand I give you boring gifts. Next year I might just cut out the middleman and give you an empty box instead. Or a mutual fund prospectus. Nothing says happy holidays like proxy voting.
Labels: 2006, holidays, weird stuff
By: Alyssa | Friday, December 29, 2006 at Friday, December 29, 2006 | |
I’d read somewhere that kidney stones were hotter than Wiis and PS3s – combined – so I had to get one.
We were enjoying a quiet evening at home, packing for our visit to Indiana when a sharp pain struck my left side. Look, sometimes a sharp pain strikes – I’m getting older. It happens.
But this was persistent and the pain was sharper and more forceful. The pain became so sharp that I had to sit and take a few deep breaths – yoga style. I took a couple of ibuprofen and hoped I’d just pulled a muscle or something. I drank a lot of water. I waited to see what happened.
About an hour later, the pain wasn’t any better it was still sharp and sudden. I took my temperature and realized I had a low-grade fever. AT this point I thought I should start looking at the Internet to determine if I had something like appendicitis – because I didn’t know where my appendix was. I do now!
FYI, your appendix is on your right side but the pain was on my left side – near my kidney. Ah ha! I’ve seen this on TV – kidney stones. I finally told Deeps we should probably go to the emergency room – just in case.
Hours later were still waiting in the ER when the angry couple came in – she was announcing that her husband was dead to her and that their marriage was a lie. He was trying to see something about… I think he said he was bleeding. Whatever – they were fighting and she was totally freaking out everyone - especially the two small kids who were waiting for Grandpa to be released.
And on the waiting room TV was To Catch a Predator on Dateline – basically the stuff of nightmares. After talk of condoms came up on the show, someone finally changed the channel to the ever-wholesome NCIS. Nothing to see here except dead bodies, people. This is your new Saturday night lineup! I wandered around looking for a bathroom while Deeps waited to hear if my name was called. That would take a few more hours.
Eventually a young fresh-faced doctor examined me. Let’s just say we were on rather intimate terms rather quickly as he wanted to rule out I didn’t have problems with my inside parts. I was poked, prodded and then out came the needles. They took blood, gave me some pain killer in a saline drip and parked me next to my worried husband.
We waited some more. After a zillion tests including a CT scan and some X-rays the doctor announced they didn’t find anything. The working theory was that in the 7+ hours that I waited at the hospital I probably passed the small kidney stone. I had all the symptoms of having a small kidney stone but didn’t actually have a stone visible. Guess all the water drinking did pay off in the end.
We were released around 4 AM. Deeps and I drove home in a daze to finish packing for Christmas. Our taxi was scheduled to arrive at 8 AM to drive us to the airport.
After our nap, we got ready in hurry and hauled suitcases to the front porch. The taxi was late, my husband was a little grumpy, I was exhausted and we settled in for a fun-filled journey through airport security. It was a very Merry Christmas indeed.
Labels: 2006, health, marriage, weird stuff
By: Alyssa | Thursday, December 28, 2006 at Thursday, December 28, 2006 | |
I know you missed me, Internets.
I'm a little wiped out after our travels to Indiana for the holidays, so I'll have to post more later.
However, I'd like to offer you a teaser about what is to come by offering up the following possible titles for blog entries:
Where the #@$$ are the Christmas presents I ordered?
Oh my god, you kids are so freakin' loud!
I think Grandma is drunk dialing
Well, Dad, a blog is....
Guess who got a kidney stone for Christmas?After I take some Advil and a nap, I'll be sure to fill you in. Don't worry - it is possibly worth the wait. At a minimum, it is less painful than passing a kidney stone.
Labels: 2006, holidays, weird stuff
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at Wednesday, December 27, 2006 | |
So I didn't exactly write a faux holiday newsletter this year. I hope that
my memo worked instead - I'm really passionate about the working conditions of elves.
In other news, Deeps and I recorded a very special holiday edition of
The Big Red Blog's weekly pop culture podcast. We don't discuss sugarplums and sweet dreams, we take on the stuff of nightmares by chatting about the
Showtime series Dexter. I'll say it, I think it may be the best new show of 2006.
If you haven't watched the show or read the books and don't want to be spoiled, you should skip this week's installment. But if you'd like to hear about the most compelling and disturbing character on television then please, by all means,
listen to this week's podcast!
Subscribe to the podcast
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Labels: 2006, podcast, television
By: Alyssa | Saturday, December 23, 2006 at Saturday, December 23, 2006 | |
To: S. Claus
From: B.V. Gingerspice
Re: Elf benefits and workplace issues
The elves have elected me their official spokeself to raise a few workplace issues with you.
As you may know, the cost of retirement is greater than ever before. Health care, housing and basic living expenses have outpaced our meager earnings for more than three centuries.
We appreciate your old-world craftsmanship as much as anyone - but we have not been able to find anyone who will let us deposit wooden train sets and dolly-go-lightlys into our IRAs.
And you may know that we are forced to open IRAs on our own because you still do not offer a company-sponsored 401k. We'd like to see that changed as the younger elves need to save more than ever. We older elves would also like to take advantage of the "catch-up contributions" since many of us are over 50 - like way over 50.
We'd also like to address the issue of benefits overall. Bragging about your excellent "maternity leave" plan is great, but none of us have every actually had a baby. As you know, elves spring fully-formed from your head - not unlike Zeus. We don't even have reproductive organs. So while it looks good in your the press releases you send to Working Mothers magazine, we have to respectfully call BS.
Also - your wife had better stop messing with us. I know she's lonely and has been drinking a little too much egg nog. Several elves have not been seen in weeks. And a couple of others are missing limbs and are too traumatized to speak. Might we suggest you encourage her to take up a high maintenance hobby like orchid breeding?
We'd suggest a pet, but we wouldn't want to have to call PETA.
We hope you will respond to our concerns in short order. That was not a pun. And by the way, the short jokes are not funny.
Sincerely,
Butternut Von Gingerspice
*Rated S for satire!
Labels: 2006, holidays, weird stuff
By: Alyssa | Friday, December 22, 2006 at Friday, December 22, 2006 | |
I was thinking of writing another satirical holiday newsletter this year - but I really nailed it last year. Now I'll have to really think about it before I commit cursor to screen.
Didn't see it? Just take a whiff of this:
Anyway, this year was a big one for the B family. We fought off a vicious squirrel attack (how they could afford F. Lee Bailey, I don’t know!), briefly dallied in synchronized swimming (which failed when one of Deeps little pool wings deflated) and finally decided to buy a house. Oh and the cat finally learned her name – it’s only been 11 years. Good for you, kitty!Continue reading....Labels: 2006, holidays
By: Alyssa | Thursday, December 21, 2006 at Thursday, December 21, 2006 | |
Cuddles spotted this reindeer heinie hanging off of very, very large and expensive home in a very well-to-do neighborhood in Chicago.
The rich really are different!
Still, it makes me giggle a little.
Happy Holidays!
Labels: 2006, holidays, weird stuff
By: Alyssa | Wednesday, December 20, 2006 at Wednesday, December 20, 2006 | |
After months of hounding the man - Deeps finally relented and agreed to participate in a podcast with me.
He only agreed because Sunday's podcast was basically a disaster because of some very serious audio problems (related his birthday present to me). Whatever. He's on the air now and there's no going back!
You can listen to us talk about Scrubs, The Office, How I Met Your Mother and preview some of the midseason replacements - as well as yell at the cat for attacking my foot. It's like I got the family band together at last!
Listen to the podcast.
Subscribe to the podcast
with itunes.
Labels: 2006, marriage, podcast, poopus
By: Alyssa | Tuesday, December 19, 2006 at Tuesday, December 19, 2006 | |
There's nothing like clean sheets on a bed. You climb in and they feel cool and good. Yeah, that's good stuff.
Apparently I'm not alone in this thinking.
I went upstairs last night to go to bed and noticed a large lump in the middle of the bed.
I poked at it and it moved. Then it made a little meow sound.
I poked the lump again and it made a bigger meow sound, but refused to really budge. I took the hint.
"Fine, Poopus," I announced. "But if you throw up on my bed you're out of the family. Got it."
She didn't answer, but I took her gentle cat snoring as a good sign.
Labels: 2006, filler, poopus
By: Alyssa | at Tuesday, December 19, 2006 | |
My husband is also my personal technology support. I can do most tech support myself, but Deeps has an inordinate amount of patience with tech problems, small children and IKEA furniture assembly.
For my birthday he picked up a little gadget I asked for to help improve the
audio quality of my podcasts. It doesn't seem to be working right - or maybe we're not working it right.
Anyway, late last night - or it seemed late to me - I was awakened by his voice. And I saw a form standing next to the bed.
Deeps: Are you awake?
Me: Yeah.
Deeps: I crashed the old computer.
Me: What?
Deeps: Something with the new audio stuff freaked out the machine and I'm stupid, I should have known.
Me: Am I dreaming?
Deeps: No.
Me: Are you sure?
Deeps: Yeah. We'll have to call Peaches to help us extract the data.
Me: Oh.
Deeps: I'll have to buy him dinner or something.
Me: Are you sure I'm not dreaming? This is the kind of thing I'd dream about. Except you'd be a celebrity.
Deeps: Go back to sleep.
Me: I'm trying!
Labels: 2006, marriage, weird stuff
By: Alyssa | Monday, December 18, 2006 at Monday, December 18, 2006 | |
I already begged for money last week - which was wildly successful. How about I plead for you to listen to
my latest podcast? We're experimenting with some new recording equipment, so... okay, this isn't my finest work but Derek is very charming and I'm funny. Doesn't that count for something?
Visit the official
podcast page for The Big Red Blog.
Labels: 2006, podcast
By: Alyssa | Sunday, December 17, 2006 at Sunday, December 17, 2006 | |
I
wrote before with thank yous, but I figure I can do it again. Thanks a million, Internets. The Big Red Blog's Decemberstravaganza fund raiser with
Donors Choose was wildly successful. The original goal was to raise $200 for some projects a public schools in Indiana (my home state). Thanks to you, we raised about $450 and helped approximately 300 students.
That's pretty impressive if you ask me - we'
